A Heart Full of Love

I've had a song in my head all day today...and it totally fits my mood and is appropriate. Last night, I was looking up at my Jeffry, and I thought, "My gosh...I just love this man so so much." Nothing prompted it, he didn't do anything out of the ordinary. He was just sitting there holding me after a long day when I was feeling tired, rundown, and crappy...

A heart full of love, no fear, no regrets...

I know, I know...I'm crazy...many of you have told me...I know that we've only been together for a little over a month, but I just know that I can't picture a life without him.

We were at the checkout line in the grocery store and he put his arm around my waist and scratched the small part of my lower back...it sent chills up and down my spine and all I wanted to do was throw my arms around his neck and shout out to the world, "I love this man! He's mine, you can't have him!"

A heart full of love, a night bright as day, and you must never go away..

I had a break down moment the other day. I started to cry, I told Jeff how much I loved him and how scared I was that he was going to wake up and change his mind (any of you that know me well know that, given my past experiences with guys, this fear is actually a pretty logical one for me) He just took my hand, kissed it, looked down at me with those big blue eyes, smiled (wow...that's quite the list) and said, "I'm not going anywhere, I'm in this for forever." He held me while I cried, this time they were tears of joy. I had needed to hear that, he knew it. I felt bad, I didn't want him to feel like I don't trust him, because I do, but there is that little voice, the negative one that I usually have duck taped to a chair in the back of my head so it can't get out and ruin my day with irrational thoughts, it somehow managed to free enough of the duck tape to make me worry. (Never fear, that little voice is now encased in a lead box with no openings... and I plan on sinking it to the bottom of the ocean soon.) I apologized, he just held me and said, "I've never been more sure of anything. I love you. This is happening. We are getting married. You see this?" He pointed down at my engagement ring, "This is set in stone."

A heart full of love, a heart full of you, a single look and then I knew...

Every time I look at this man I can't help but think about what a handsome devil he is...then he opens his mouth and he says something so smart, and so sage like that I love him more than I did yesterday. A single touch, a glance, and I am completely entranced. A hug makes all the bad things of the world melt away. He knows exactly what to say and when to say it...

Don't get me wrong, he does have his faults...there are days I really want his opinion and he will say, "Whatever you want. I will do anything for you." I get slightly discombobulated...I really did want his opinion, but then I tell him I really want his opinion, he gives it, and we move on...

From today, every day...for this isn't a dream, not a dream after all...

Darlings...I am so in love. I am so lucky. Every day, I pray and thank God for the blessing that this man has been in my life. His reassurance has helped me make some tough decisions, and his love has made me feel like I can do anything because I know he will be there to lift me up. I don't know how I managed to get him...all I know is I can be me when I'm with him...I am enough...I want to be better, I want to grow with him, but I know that at the end of the day, he accepts me and loves me in spite of all my faults and foibles.

I suppose the moral of the story is...trust in the Lord, he knows what he is doing and where you are going. Just keep walking, he will bless you along the way and he always makes sure you get what you need when you need it.

I am in awe at how much God loves me. He loved me enough to make sure that this amazing man was prepared for me, and was in my path at the right time so we could meet and see what we thought. I will forever be in his debt for that.

Hugs and loves until next time darlings.