Thursday, December 13, 2012

The Power of Pants, or Why I Have the Best Husband on the Planet

Its been bothering me for a while...

Everyone that has ever had a baby knows how frustrating it is to seemingly watch all your friends who had babies around the same time that you did fit back into their pre-pregnancy size with no problems...

Well, when I found out I was pregnant with the Cupcake when the Little Diva was 2 months old, I gave up any and all hope of being able to fit into ANYTHING that I wore being pregnant. I owned exactly 1 pair of jeans that we had purchased about a month after I had the Little Diva...and somewhat begrudgingly pulled out my maternity clothes again...

We did buy 1 pair of maternity pants because it seemed like all of my maternity stuff was actually too big during this pregnancy. In fact, I was still wearing maternity items that I'd had to put away after about week 28 of pregnancy with the Little Diva...I was holding out hope that I would shrink down even more after pregnancy with the Cupcake...especially because the one pair of jeans I'd purchased after having the Diva, still fit (they were tight, but they fit).

I didn't end up that lucky.  I thought, however, that since my one pair of jeans was VERY loose that I was squarely into one size.  Some friends of mine were having a yard sale and decided to let people go through all their leftover items for free at the end of the day. I scored 6 pairs of pants in that size, along with some cute tops. I went home excited to finally have a wardrobe again...only to be met with defeat. Only 1 pair of those pants fit...and they were TIIIIIGHT.  I was in tears and frustrated. My sweet husband reassured me and reminded me that I'd just had a baby 2 months before and I needed to be gentle with myself.

My frustration mounted. I only had 3 things that fit on the bottom (all the shirts I snagged fit great)...2 of those things happened to be the same skirt in different was getting tiresome to not have enough clothes to wear. Faith has started into her toddler stage, so let's just say that any outfit I wear doesn't exactly stay clean all day...

I'd become the mom I swore I would never be...wearing pajama pants most of the time because they were the only things I had that fit well. Its been like this for the last 2 months...I've been trying to lose weight to fit into those pants I got for free because I knew that it would be much easier on us financially...and I'm cheap, veery, veeeery cheap... All of them are in really good shape, so it was hard to justify buying anything else even though they didn't fit...but trying them on just made me even more sad and feel more desperate.

Finally, yesterday was the boiling point. I didn't want to wear pajama pants again...I just couldn't do it. I was sick of feeling like a scrub...I had ONE clean skirt and I was wearing it! I didn't care that it was only 50 degrees outside! I was trying to get everyone ready to get out of the house and head to the grocery store and decided to change the Little Diva's shirt. She had gotten chocolate milk all down her front. I pulled out my bottle of homemade spray and wash to douse it to get rid of the offensive chocolate specks and drizzles that were taunting me...only to have the bottle explode on me, leaving LARGE wet marks where the spray and wash had hit it. Here's the thing about the homemade spray and takes FOREVER to dry because there is no water in it...I knew that my hopes for looking not like a scrub at the grocery store were add to my frustrations, I found that I also had no clean pajama pants in my drawers. I remembered folding some and stomped into the living room to grab them.

Jeff was so patient and loving. He tried to grab me to comfort me in my town tear stained state (yes, I was crying over pants) but I pulled away and said through clenched teeth, "Just let me get dressed, please."  I immediately felt bad for displacing my stress on him. I went back, grabbed him and kissed him and said a quiet and penitent, "I love you."  He smiled and said, "I love you too."  I went into the room and sobbed a little more as I begrudgingly pulled the pajama pants on and changed my shirt (can't exactly wear a frilly blouse with pajama pants...)

We got into the car and started to drive. Jeff didn't turn where he should have to head to the grocery store...he kept driving down the road....I had no clue what he was up to.

We pulled into the strip mall that has our usual Target and a few other stores. The whole while I was thinking, "What do we need at Target? I thought we got everything...

I asked Jeff what we were doing. He just said, "You'll see."  He pulled into the part of the parking lot that was in front of Ross Dress for Less. He turned to me and said, "We aren't leaving here until you pick out 3 things."  I kissed him, hugged him, and sheepishly thanked him and reluctantly started to shop (I'm cheap...I admit it. I HATE spending money...)  I grabbed pairs of pants in two sizes that I thought I may fit into and went into the dressing room. I was flabbergasted to find that one of the smaller size fit and one of the bigger size fit...but the smaller sized pants were $30...I haven't spent $30 on a pair of pants since I was 16...that is pricey to me. I kept looking for other pants...I tried on every style of pant that they had in the size that I thought would fit best and still only ended up with the two pairs I'd found initially. I started looking at other things and jokingly said, "Well, you said 'three things' you didn't necessarily say that they all had to be pairs of pants...) we looked through the lingerie section and joked with one another and then I said, "Well, what do you think?" He said, "I think we have two things, but we can go."   We paid for the pants and left the store.

It seems so shallow that a trip to the store and a few pairs of pants could totally change my mood...but Jeff knew I'd had all that I could take.  I am so blessed to be married to a man who is so patient with me, even when I have outburst about clothes like a pre-teen/teenage girl.  I'm even more blessed that he is willing to put aside his ultimate goals with what money we do have (right now we are trying to save for a trip to Idaho for Christmas, and we also would like to pay his brother back some of the money we owe him...) so that I can feel a little bit better about myself.

This morning, I laughed to myself when I thought about how excited I was just to put on a pair of new pants that actually fit...I wasn't going to have to pull them up every 5 minutes like I do when I wear the other pants I have from last year...and even though I'm not the size I had hoped to be at this point, it definitely changes your outlook on your body shape when you get to wear clothes that fit.

Bless my husband for putting up with me...bless him for being thoughtful, and bless him for loving me through all my "ugly" times.  I love him so much...Its amazing the power a pair of good-fitting pants has on your confidence...but its even more amazing how much power a sweet, loving husband has ...I only wish that I had changed my attitude sooner, I wish I wouldn't have pulled away to let myself be angry (especially because I wasn't angry at him, and I worry that I made him feel like I was)...I don't need him to buy me things to make me happy, that is for sure...but the gesture of perfect love that was made by trying to show his wife that he cared and saw her needs (no matter how shallow they were at the time) was definitely what I needed.

and that's all I have to say about that...

Hugs and loves until next time darlings!

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Too Many Changes

My kids need to put on the brakes!

There are too many changes happening in my house and this mamma just can't keep up. I suppose tons of changes happening all at once is a blessing. It means that I don't have time to sit and be sad that they are growing up and getting bigger.

In the last month, the Little Diva has begun to walk. It was slow going. Jeff thought she would be walking sooner, I thought we had another month of her coasting along has ended up being in between the two predictions. She is getting better at walking and now can get up to stand and walk without anyone helping her or finding a piece of furniture to pull herself up on...

You would think that walking would be enough for this kid, but you're wrong...

No, she now insists on feeding herself and gets very testy if what she is eating isn't the same as what mom and dad are eating. There is no tricking this kid either. Last night we had pizza from Little Caesars... I was trying to keep her away from the pepperoni...I gave her a bowl of Spaghettios. She happily chomped on them, until she looked over and saw the pizza...she then started dumping her bowl out and tried to throw it on the floor as she whined. I cleaned her up, insisting in my head that if she didn't want to eat what I gave her, then she could just have a bottle and go to bed...well she walked over and whined as daddy took a big bite of his pizza slice...we caved and let her eat bites of the cheesy parts and finally Jeff gave her a crust to gnaw on...and then another (this kid has an appetite!)

If that wasn't enough...she found some crayons and a coloring book that her Grandma Nielson had given her (we were saving it for until she is older because, at the time, she just didn't get it...), she brought them to me. I sat down on the floor and tried to show her how to color again...she picked up a crayon and started lightly marking the pages with various was just too much!

Let's add to that the developmental milestones of the Divine Cupcake...she now EVERYONE and EVERYTHING...and she is my little piggy (literally, she makes little piggy grunting noises when she is hungry). Everyone comments on how small she is, but compared to Faith at this age, she is a gargantuan!...This morning I made the sad realization that its time to pull out the 3-6 month clothes...I only convinced myself to put the newborn stuff away last week!

In short, this mommyhood thing is going all too fast.  I admit with sadness that my girls are growing, but then there is that part of me that is cheering them on as they learn how to do new things.

Faith is getting to be so "fun", for lack of a better word.  She still isn't talking but is very expressive with her gestures and loves to play. She thinks that I am the funniest person on the planet and laughs every time I even remotely attempt to be silly...I work my hardest to remember these little things because one day I know she will think I am lame and embarrassing...and it seems like that day is coming all too soon.

I guess I just need to find a way to stop time from moving forward...gee, where is Einstein when you need him? (I'm sure there are several moms out there that would love to hear if I figure that secret out...) In the meantime, all I can do is try to take pictures (mental and on my camera) to remember these little moments that are so full of wonder for two special little spirits.

Hugs and loves until next time darlings...