Sunday, February 8, 2009

True Love's Phrase

Okay...So I dabble in poetry every now and again. I normally keep it to myself in my journal because its very personal. However,I feel like I should share this one with my friends. I should give you a little background. I was sitting in Sunday School today (I'm in the Marriage and Family Relations Class...I know perfect for every single gal, right? LOL) and my Bishop and his wife were talking about true eternal love and intimacy...They asked us to think of a couple that we knew that exemplified eternal love. My mind immediately went to my grandparents. On July 11, 2007 I had the honor of being in the room as my grandpa was called home to our father in heaven, and I remembered that the only way we knew he was gone was because when my grandma pressed her lips to his, he no longer had the strength to kiss her back. I sat there, in my mind, awestruck by this thought. He must have been so weak, and he used every last bit of strength he had, to kiss my grandma whenever she would put her lips to his. It was on that day that I knew that this was the kind of love I wanted, a lasting love, where in the end, a simple gesture like a kiss was all that was needed to convey the many years of affection and gratitude for sharing in life's journey. As I was lost in this thought, Sister Piippo said a phrase that immediately got me into a poetic state of mind. I immediately started writing the poem in my head because of a few simple words that she said. Here it is...please be gentle...I don't share often:

Hollywood would have us believe
that love is expendable and fleeting.
But true love means so much more
with it comes a phrase that needs repeating:
not ahead,not behind,
but holding hands, side by side.
When you're young
and you meet your first sweet love
nothing can go wrong, the world is a song
but you notice as you walk life's path
that one walks ahead the other chases
wishing to be out of love and its races.
Because of this fact it doesn't last very long
but it teaches you to find forever.
You continue your journey along the path
wondering if you'll ever meet
that smile, that laugh
that person to make you feel complete.
Then one day,it happens!
You're awestruck they fit.
You decide to walk together a little bit.
But you notice they stand a bit behind
Afraid of their future and what they might find.
You bid them adieu and leave them alone
and continue your walk, your heart turning to stone.
What you seek for seems impossible to find
is it too much to ask for, this simple phrase?:
Not ahead
Not behind,
but holding hands,
side by side.
Then, out of the blue
you're suprised to see
waiting there all along
was your true friend and confidant
the thought of eternity without them just feels wrong.
You work and you walk through life's woes
always remembering
you need to be on your toes.
Don't fall behind, don't walk ahead
Just stay here by my side
Together we'll walk hand in hand
In our accomplishments together
we will take pride.
Years later, your children are grown
you've passed the worst of life's tests its true
then one day, the path meets a fork for one
you double take and realize its you.
You look to your partner for most of life's journey
and tears begin to fill your eyes as you say:
I have to go ahead,
I hate to leave you behind
but I'll see you again someday.
Your eyes close
You kiss their lips
You look your one last look and sigh
Your path takes you home
but you take comfort and know
that soon they'll be with you again by your side.
Life isn't chocolate and roses fair
its a test
its hardthis is true.
but find a companion
with love so rare
they'll keep walking the path with you.
As you fall in love and wait for covenants sweet
remember my dears
that a relationship can be only as good as the position of your feet.
Not ahead
Not behind
but holding hands
side by side.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Treacherous Tuesday

Alarm. I sit up in bed and look around. Last night was rough. Too many choices, not enough information to make a decision. I lay back down in bed and I think. I decide I'm thinking too much. I pull my feet out from under the covers. COLD! I hop back under the covers. Lay in bed a little longer, trying not to think...this just isn't working. Get out of bed, its not so cold now. I walk to the bathroom. Its occupied...I guess I don't get a shower this morning. I plug in my triple barreled curling iron and wait for it to warm up. I turn on my laptop...sad little thing, so scratched up, its only been a year. The fan is going out, I remind myself that I need to get that checked. My computer loads. I open an internet explorer and go to facebook. Not one is on...I leave facebook open in case someone decides to grace me with their presence and chat. I check my triple barrel...not so warm...not looking so promising for the hairstyle I had in mind...I continue to hope. I decide to look for a movie on Netflix and do my makeup. WOOT WOOT! Westside, I'd like to watch this movie. I listen to the movie and do makeup. Ahhhh Maria...the most beautiful sound (and song) I ever heard....Bernstein=GENIUS! Popping sound! TREVOR! Hooray! My day is complete...another popping sound! Sheena! Chat, do makeup, and enjoy the beauty of Bernstein...all in my pink pajamas...pop! David...the day gets better...he teases me for still being in pajamas...I decide to get dressed so that it stops. I look at the triple barrel better be warm...its not so much. I decide to attempt the impossible anyway. Hair=frizzy mess. Oh well, you can't blame a girl for trying. Trevor wants to go on a date for Single Awareness Weekend (Valentines for people dating someone) My heart skips a to find a time. I look at the clock. My eyes bug out of my time...I'm late. Say goodbye to Trevor, say goodbye to Sheena, say goodbye to Dave...POP! Its Brett! I feel bad, but have to say goodbye. I rush to the bus stop. The bus is running late...I really will be late now...$30 of money flying away from my sight...private lesson in jeopardy! Call mom to pass the time, no answer on cell or at Kiersten. Talk to Kiersten, get advice about making decisions...she is awesome. Get on the bus. Ride forever....seriously people, RUN RUN! Don't walk, the bus is already late! Who do you think you are? I have money to make! The bus pulls up to the music building. I run down the stairs to my office, I almost take out a cellist on the way...who carries their cello up the stairs at 11:35...seriously... ? I look down the heart student. I begin the walk of shame to my office. My heart skips a beat again, my student calls out my name. "Its okay, you were only 5 minutes late. I knew you would come." We walk in my office. Fill out paperwork and contracts. Pick new music. I kick her butt a little bit...she needs to work a little harder to get better sound. She leaves with a smile. I feel warm! Its always nice to have a student appreciate the hard work that you do with them and for them.

I have a 3o minute break. Just enough time to warm up. Warm up. Speed through 2 songs before my lesson. Notes and rhythms appear simple. I really like one song, I probably spent too much time working on it. Oh well. Go to Dr.Cody's office. Lesson time. I was right...too much time on one song, he really wants to hear the other. Shlugh through what I can. It goes alright. Sing the snot out of the other. Dr. Cody smiles. Hooray! I did a good job! Sight read through more stuff. A few jazz pieces. I'm excited. I haven't done jazz since high school and it sounds so much better than it did back then. Dr. Cody leaves. I talk to my accompanist about a competition coming up in 3 weeks. She says I should do it. Dr.Cody comes back with a Kurt Weill book. He says I should do the competition too, but not in the category I expected. OOooooookaaaayyyy. Sight read through Weill. I do a happy dance after "Hey there buddy from the Night Shift" Dr.Cody giggles, he tells me that I have to sing it for my recital now. Sight read through a Weill French Cabaret song. I love sprechstimme...I give him my puppy dog eyes...I can do them both! General rejoicing and another happy dance.

2 O'Clock...I need food, I'm starting to get dizzy...rush to my office to put things away. Food and into Myles. He comes with me to lunch. We spend too much time eating. No library...I guess I won't get any more music today...Rush to make copies of the other stuff for my accompanist...I get stopped by Anne and Dr.Cody, they ask about a student of mine, Anne isn't happy. We chat, I shed some light on the situation and head downstairs to meet Linda.I wait...she must be running late, maybe I would have had time to hit the library. She comes down the stairs. I hand her music. We go to my office and find a sacred practice time...forever and ever amen... I look at my late to go to the library. I grab my music and go to a practice room. Abduction from the Seraglio needs some work before rehearsal tomorrow. I love singing high...I don't love singing high and in my passagio...mental note, ask Anne about it in rehearsal tomorrow.

Look at clock. Almost late for Master Class. Rush upstairs...Why did I worry? Everyone is still sitting in the foyer waiting. I walk into the recital hall...someone has to take the first step...Like lemmings they follow me. I have to pee. I leave as they turn on the lights in the hall. I come back, everyone is inside and they are ready to begin. Announcments, no one is singing. Anne chastises us for not singing today. I feel truly bad...but nothing new is ready yet. I shrug it off. We talk about NATS, I'm excited. I hope everyone is listening to the plug. I think back to conversations with Brandi and Cameron who both said they aren't doing it...well I'm going to. Dr.Cody looks back at me when Anne mentions you can enter more than one category. I'll just stick to the musical theater one...I still think I'm half crazy for preparing music in 3 weeks, but I decide to stop thinking about it. Dr.James decides to get up and talk about bowing. I am asked to come demonstrate a head bow (in case your blouse is too low cut) I do so, with class...I also demonstrate a curtsey. Dr.James asks me to show everyone a side angle, I do it again. I laugh to myself...I feel like I'm back at ISU in Studio class with DLF, Ms.Lane and Dr.Anderson. We always spent the first day talking about bows, shoes, outfits and accompanists. I smile. I'm making a mark...even if it really isn't me that caused it...I still feel like I'm making my mark.

I look at my clock. I have a lesson to teach, they aren't done talking. Once again, I see $30 flying away from me. Huh, Tuesday seems like my private student day...go figure...They finish talking. Irush to the front and talk to Anne about a student that signed up for a lesson time. She tells me to tell them they are studying with David. I go to my office. My student is waiting like a trooper. We fill out more paperwork. We talk about music. We decide, well I decide, that she is singing in French. We sight sing through some Faure. She narrows it down to 2 pieces, then picks the first one we sang. We go make copies. Lesson over. I rush down to my office to get my stuff.

I wait for the bus...its late...again...I kick my feet into the slushy snow. I wish it was warmer, then I could go puddle jumping. I decide I miss being able to do random things like can't do many random things in the freezing cold. The bus arrives, my mom calls. We chat. I sit on the bus. I look down. My gorgeous Italian roommate is on the bus too, I don't think she saw me either. Mom and I finish talking. I decide this is the longest bus ride ever. I got on at 5:10, it is now 5:35...and there are still 3 stops between me and home. I sit and twiddle my thumbs. The bus arrives at Lewis and Clark. I get off. I call out to my roommate "MANUELA!" She stops, we laugh about not seeing each other. We walk. We get the mail. We enter the apartment and talk some more.

I throw a sweet potato in the microwave. I need dinner, and I have to leave for a meeting in 3o minutes. My other roommate is home, she is doing her makeup. "Hello Immanuela, why are you gettin' all dolled up?" She has rehearsal. She finishes... she leaves for rehearsal. I eat a baked sweet potato and artichoke hearts for dinner. I leave for my meeting. "Goodbye Manuela!"(she is the only one home) I start my car. I wonder where my iPod is...oh well...I get to the school and reprint my club's budget for next year...the president of music union lost the copy I already gave her...I laugh...oh well...I go to the meeting. Its short! HOORAY! I leave, and decide to go see the Bishop to get some advice.

We talk about boys for 45 minutes and family history for 20. I leave suprised that for once in my life I'm not in tears as I walk out the door. I hug the bishop and head out to my car. He gave me some good advice, plus I love hearing his stories. I think once again about my poor lost iPod and the possibility that I might have to buy a new one if I don't find it. Life is too boring without music. I come home. Manuela is in the living room watching cartoons, it helps her work on her English. We talk about my woes. She gives me the same advice that everyone has been giving me. I think then that it must be true. I laugh inside my head at myself as I walk back into my room to make a lesson plan.

I turn on my laptop. I turn on facebook. Clayton is on. Erica is on. We chat. I blog. Alex calls. I'm ready for bed...oh well...tonight should be interesting...