Surreal Reality

I'm sorry my last few posts have been so sappy. I'm sure all of you are thinking, "Can't this girl just shut up about how much she loves her fiancee and how happy she is...we get it!" Well, and if not all of you are thinking it, then MANY of you are thinking it.

I guess I just can't help myself.

The last week flew by like a breeze and I'm realizing how fast this week is flying by. Jeff and I feel like its taking forever for our wedding day to get here, on normal days, but today, I'm noticing how much it feels like the world is speeding on around us while we wait. My friend Anna said that this would be how I would feel, but I didn't quite understand what she was talking about until I began to experience it.

Last week, I bought a wedding dress...it was so weird! I guess I had just stopped imagining what it would be like, so when it happened, I had a hard time taking it all in. I thought that I would cry when I found the right dress...like on an episode of 'Say Yes to the Dress' on TLC (one television show that I actually do watch and can get lost in for hours...sad but true.) I found the right dress, I had a hard time deciding between two of them, but my initial "I feel like a bride" reaction won, and I ended up taking home a gorgeous gown that is modern with a vintage vibe. My soon to be mother-in-law Cindy was kind enough this weekend to fit my dress to me, and she worked on the alterations during conference. Every time I put the dress on I had to blink to be sure that it was really happening, that I was really in MY wedding dress...

those words, "my wedding dress," have not been together in a sentence in my head in years.

I feel like I'm living in a dream-like haze. I try to focus on the regular things: school, practicing, and work, but I find myself wishing I could be somewhere else, anywhere else, with Jeff just enjoying this pleasant shift in reality.

Last night we planned our honeymoon...and I almost called him my husband (context: He could tell I was tired, and said I should go home to bed, I threw my arms around his neck and said, "I don't want to, you can't make me, I want to say here with my h....(I stopped myself, long pause) my many...I want to stay here with my man")...it was so weird how easily it just about rolled off my tongue in the moment.

My older sister has been a gem through all of this. She even took our engagement pictures this weekend... I was fighting a cold (I still am), I didn't feel very pretty, I had a nervous breakdown and my lovely roommate/bridesmaid Lauren calmed me down...but once we started taking pictures all of the bad/gross feelings melted away. Amber kept laughing and telling me and Jeff to stop kissing, we tried....really we did... Bless your heart Amber, and thanks!

Jeff's sister in law Stacy is going to make our wedding cake. We talked about what I wanted, and she laughed and said, "I think it will be just about the easiest wedding cake I've ever made." It was surreal to talk about wedding cakes.

I just feel like I'm floating through this. I want to find a way to stop floating and feel like I'm more present. Maybe I will figure it out, I guess until I do I can try to enjoy this surreal reality that I'm living in.

I promise darlings, I'm not a space cadet, I'm just in love and getting married in 46 days...it will pass...

Hugs and loves until next time!