Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Like a Chicken with my Head cut off....

Well...holy cow! I looked at the calendar today and realized that September is more than half over! Where did the month go?

To be honest, I've been so happy that I haven't cared about the passage of time, but today it seemed to hit me all at once. I looked at all of my course syllabi this morning, and realized that many due dates are rapidly approaching.

I know, of course, that I will have ample time to complete the tasks assigned, its just one of those days when it hits you that time is marching on, and I don't want time to march on.

I've stopped living for tomorrow.

This phrase tends to scare people when I say it...but bear with me while I explain...

I woke up one day and realized that I was so focused on the future, on tomorrow, if you will, that I wasn't taking the time to see all the good things that were happening now. I don't want to do that anymore. I want to be aware of my blessings, I want to see the Lord working in my life.

And, this has been working...I still have my moments where I think and dream about the future...I try to stop myself, especially because lately a lot of those thoughts are contingent upon someone else exercising their agency in the way I would hope for them to...

I focus on the here and now...and in the here and now I am deliriously happy, and just slightly extremely busy....

This morning was crazy.

_____ isn't feeling well. It came on yesterday afternoon, and I have been doing my best to try to make him feel a little better since then.

Last night my friends and I TP'd his apartment door (and when I say TP'd I mean we taped Tootsie Pops all over it and left a little love note.) We had fun, he had gone to bed early, so the chances of him catching us were slim to none. We went at 9:00 dressed in our best ninja gear- black with various scarves to cover our faces- and began the arduous task of scotch taping each individual lolly to his door. We were almost home free...when his roommate came home....His roommate laughed and stood there and watched as we frantically taped what we had left in the bag to the door. My roommate even went and gave him a Tootsie Pop as a peace offering/ bribery attempt. Before we left, I asked his roommate not to wake him and show him, as I knew he was sick and I wanted him to get sleep.

Well, 6 AM rolled around.

_____ and I have been doing scripture study together with a small group of our ward members in the lounge of our apartment complex. I had a feeling he wouldn't be joining me, but at ten minutes to 6 I texted him to see how he was feeling. He had just barely rolled out of bed to do a homework assignment he felt too tired to do last night...I told him to stay home and work and that I would see him later...his response? "how much later?" To be funny, I texted him back, "Why don't you open your apartment door and you'll find out." The bonus of this- I got to see his face when he saw the TP'd door. Priceless...for a brief moment, he felt slightly better. I hugged him, asked how he was feeling, he told me and I made my way to scripture study.

6:30: I stop by to check up on ______. He is sitting on the couch, pale faced and looking rather (extremely) sickly...I brave the elements...give him a little kiss and snuggle up with him...I don't know if this helps him, but I know that when I'm sick or in pain all I want to do is snuggle up and feel the love and warmth of someone else...it seemed to help because we snuggled for a while. We talked, he was debating whether or not to go to class...he just looked like he felt awful and I told him that he should stay home and get better...he didn't put up much of a struggle in the debate, and he decided to write his professor and stay home to get some rest.

7:35: I leave his apartment to go get my keys so I don't get locked out of my apartment as my roommates leave for class and work. I eat a bowl of cereal, and I remember that I need nylons. I talk to my roommate for a bit we tell eachother how awesome we are and say our goodbye for the day. I get my keys and head out the door.

7:45: I stop to check on ____. I feel so horrible that I've left him to be sick all by himself ( I know, its a necessary evil, I know that he is fully capable of taking care of himself as a grown man and returned missionary, but I can't help but want to cancel everything for the day and make him homemade broth and bring him popsicles...) He is laying, dying on the couch...He opens his blanket- which is the international sign for crawl in...so I do. I end up sleeping until 8:35 snuggled up with my sickly man. I wake up, stretch, look at the time, look down at him and frown. I really don't want to leave... We snuggle for about 15 more minutes. He laughs at what its like when I'm "trying" to leave...he also mentions that he thinks he should be sick more often if this is how he will be treated...I giggle...kiss his forehead and slowly make my way out the door.

8:55: Mad rush into Albertsons...I am wonder woman...this is my mantra...I find my nylons and also decide that I am wanting to get some herbal tea to make and take to class.

9:00: get in car

9:03 arrive home. Rush up to my apartment and call my mommy...we chat but time is ticking and I have to get ready. I get ready, find some stuff that flusters me, so I call my older sister to vent. I put her on speaker phone and chat as I do my makeup and hair. Turns out it was good timing, as she needed to vent to (mutual venting is a beautiful way to converse...it cleanses the soul and the other person can't help but empathize because its only good manners that if you vent you should listen to someone else vent).

9:45 I realize I'm not dressed yet, haven't made my lunch, and I haven't made my much desired herbal tea...I say good bye to my sister...hurry and throw some water in the microwave and start getting dressed. I dress, put tea bags in my mug and pour the water over the top. I add a little sugar and milk...and then I look at the time 9:56...I will walk in late to class...its brass methods, and walking in late means setting up late, which means look of disapproval from my professor, who in general is a good natured guy...I debate not going-maybe its a sign...maybe I should stay home this morning and take care of my poor food poisoned man! No! No! I grab my jacket and rush out the door, tea and brass methods book in tow.

10:05- I made good time, all things considered. My darlings, the next sight proves that the Lord loves us and answers our prayers...I walk in and no one is set up because we have a guest speaker. I am also glad that my sense of self responsibility won over in the stay or go debate because the guest speaker covered a lot of useful information on the french horn, information that I am sure will be on the written test when we take it.

The only downside, class goes over time...

I rush out the door, but feel like I should call my brother. We've been told my apostles never to dismiss a kind thought. So I call...it turns out to be a good thing. He needs to vent a bit. We chat about life as I hurriedly grab my lunch and make some more tea (it is really good tea, what can I say.)

11:00- the mad rush to work....I get stuck behind a bus that only wants to travel at 5 mph...I wanted to honk, I wanted to weep, wail and gnash my teeth...but what purpose would that serve...the bus driver wouldn't hear it. I mutter road rage-like comments under my breath in french and german about me needing to get to work (I get road rage in foreign languages..most people find this hilarious, so once they start laughing, I stop being mad. I guess its a subconscious way to restore my calm and bring me back into reality, the reality being that someone driving too slowly or not turning on a turn signal in the grand scheme of things will not effect me too gravely.)

11:15- pull up to work...I'm supposed to be in the office AT 11:15...I rush around the corner and into the office...another blessing, my supervisor isn't there to give me a disappointed look about my lateness...but in reality it really wasn't my fault. I can't help it my class went over, right? I suppose I could have not stopped to grab my lunch out of the fridge, but if I hadn't done that I wouldn't have been able to eat until about 5:15 tonight...not good...I would be super sick, that's for sure.

Anywhoo...I feel a little like a chicken with my head cut off as I rush from one task to the next. As I sit typing this, I worry about _____ and if he has had any sustenance yet today, if he is sleeping, or if he is up worrying about missing class...I hope he is sleeping and doesn't even realize that he hasn't had sustenance yet...

I suppose perhaps living in the moment makes you feel a little more like a chicken with your head cut off...but in the end, I have a feeling that it will pay off. I have already become more self aware and more spiritually aware...which, I think, is something everyone could use a little more of in their lives.

Hugs and loves until next time!

1 comment:

Rebecca said...

what's this status of yours that i see on facebook? do tell!! and all of the details, please!