I spent the better part of my day reacquainting myself with the ins and outs of couponing. I promised Jeff that I would be a master before the summer is out...the trouble is, its hard to be the master at something when there really aren't any good coupons out there...All I can say is darn those shows like "Extreme Couponing" they've spread the word about what you can do and now it seems like manufacturers are making it impossible! Things have changed since I left the game for a bit, I guess now if you want good coupons you have to check at the very beginning of the month. I have mentally stored that information and have every intention of being a coupon printing fiend come June 1.
I spent the other part of the better part of the day looking for steals on baby deals. I know, I know, I could go to consignment stores and buy some of the things I need "gently used," but I have to admit it makes me nervous. I have been present when disasters with such "gently used" items occurred. Buckling plastic on a baby swing as the baby was in it about 3 days after purchase, heard stories of friends who were not allowed to take their baby home for the hospital because the carseat they purchased, while gently used, was out of date...the list goes on. So, today I have been a deal ninja! I started making a registry at Walmart- its more of a list of things I'm planning on purchasing though, the things that you would like to get at a baby shower, but never would...a play yard with a bassinet attachment, a car seat, a bouncer... After seeing what the "rock bottom" prices were at Wally world, I started surfing the net. It seems that we will likely be buying the play yard at Walmart but the car seat will probably come from Kmart or an online store called diapers.com, it just happened to be where the type of carseat that I've heard good things about is cheaper.
I'm still waiting for that awesome deal, as I get closer to needing to actually make purchases, I may try to case stores like "Once Upon a Child," but the bottom line is, this is (hopefully) not the only baby I will be having, and to be honest, I'd rather have new stuff that I can use again in a few years.
I know Jeff is concerned about me going overboard, especially with a looming and very possible long distance move in our immediate future. I really am just trying to keep it to the bare minimum. I have found patterns and instructions online for how to make my own baby slings (That's right, I plan on being a baby wearer...it will help the baby to form a bond of trust and it will help me to have my hands free to do other things that need to be done.) and, in my experience, the only baby gear that is really used in the first 3 months is: the car seat, the bouncer, and possibly a swing. I may hold off on the swing until we know for sure if we're moving...honestly, I think the kid can live without a swing for 2 or 3 months.
Anywhooo...I'm tired...is anyone else out there tired? Its sad, seriously sad, I haven't done anything today but look for deals on my computer and I am completely drained (then again, I woke up at 4 last night- not to mention the 5 times I was up to use the bathroom before that- and I was feeling kind of drained when I woke up this morning.) I was starting to feel pretty good, I'm just hoping that this isn't a precursor of things to come in the near future. I've been having this weird sensation where my legs start to ache if they sit for too long so I have to move them...I'm planning on asking my midwife about this at my appointment next week...I have to, because its keeping me from sleeping well. I also have exchanged constant nausea for constant heartburn. I took all 10 of my allotted Tums yesterday (you're only allowed 10 in a 24 hour period) so I had to wait until after 2 PM this afternoon for the cycle to start over again so I could take more...I will be asking about this too. I need something stronger.
Well, my husband is home from work (he has been for a while) and he is ready to snuggle...
So, I'm off..
Hugs and loves until next time darlings!
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Settling In...
Well, we're here in Idaho Falls. I have been incredibly busy trying to unpack things and find a space and a home for everything...but that is the way things work when you move in with other people who already have a home for everything in their home...
My parents have been wonderful. Things have been nice and relaxing. I know that I'm going to have to get my butt up and out the door to try to find another job (I'll likely nanny for my sister one day a week) and I need to finish unpacking the boxes in the garage, but the bedroom is almost all the way unpacked.
My dad managed to get Jeff a job working for him. This is a huge blessing for us, we were really concerned about having enough money to pay our bills and save up for the baby and our eventual move in January. Jeff is talking about the possibility of finding another job, but part of me hopes that I just am able to find one that is good enough so that he doesn't have to work himself to the bone.
My family has also been wonderful. My little sister went digging through her garage to find me some much needed maternity clothes. I was down to one pair of pants that fit (not well, mind you, but they were all I had) Its nice to have clothes that fit... You never think about what a blessing it is to have nice, fitting clothes until you don't have any. My older sister has been digging through her closet to find some shirts that will pass as maternity shirts as well. She's found a couple too! Since I got to Idaho Falls, it seems like every day is a veritable clothing Christmas! I am truly blessed to have such wonderful family members.
I got the interesting experience of shopping for maternity garments the other day at the distribution center...I was so confused. Fortunately, a little old lady noticed my confusion and walked me through the process...thank heavens for sweet strangers who do their jobs and help crazy people like me without complaint!
All in all, I am much more comfortable now.
As I rapidly approach the 16 week mark I have to think: to gender check, or not to gender check?
Jeff and I unfortunately realized that, while it would be fun to keep the baby's gender a secret and find out in November when the baby is born, it just isn't quite rational. Since we don't have a lot of money right now, we realized that we really need to have the option of buying things gradually, and the only way to do that with ease is to find out if McMonkey McBean is a boy or girl. They just don't make as many gender neutral things as they do gender specific, and its hard to buy things like portable cribs, car seats, bouncers, etc. without knowing. It just seems like EVERYTHING is pink or blue, even online.
They will automatically do an ultrasound at my 20 week appointment next month, but the biggest question is, since we can find out in as little as 2 weeks for about $25, do we want to wait another 6? (Actually, I have friends that found out at their 12 week appointment because the doctor ran an ultra sound because they couldn't find a heartbeat on the doppler...so I may even be able to find out now...but I digress...)
To save $25 or to know now....its quite the conundrum.
I do have to say, however, that I'm thinking its a boy. Its just what my gut says...but, who knows...
Jeff is home from work, I don't know if its for the day or for lunch, but its nice to see him. I miss him when we're not together. He's such a wonderful guy.
I truly did hit the jackpot. Jeff is always so sweet and thoughtful. He is constantly rubbing and tickling my back without me even having to ask. Its like he just senses that I am in pain and that I need some relief. He even bought me chocolates yesterday at Desert Book. He got a Vanilla and Victorian cream and I got a peanut butter chocolate and one called Opera Cream...I thought it seemed fitting and perfect.
I also went and tried to sell my performing gowns yesterday. It will be a while before I could wear them again and, to be honest, we need the space more than I need the gowns. Jeff promised that the first performance I have after the baby is born, he will buy me a new gown. I almost wanted to cry as I went through them. Each of them hold such wonderful memories.
I have to say I was slightly offended when the people at the Runway Fashion Exchange only bought 2 of them. I think they are all beautiful and timeless, but I was told that the rest of them were "outdated". The two that they bought were my two favorites. Sadly, one of them was my most expensive gown, a $500 black and teal gown that I wore for my senior recital. I only got $25 for it...they will likely turn around and try to sell it for $100, but I guess its better that someone else can make some new memories with it than for me to keep it hanging in the closet. It was too big for me anyway before I got pregnant, and I have every intention of it being too big again...
So...now I have 5 or 6 dresses sitting in the back of my car and I'm trying to decide what to do with them. Part of me wants to just take them to D.I. I know how it is to be a girl invited to a dance and to be unable to afford a beautiful dress. Part of me thinks it would be a lovely gesture to send them to D.I. where they will be sold for likely $15 or $20 to a beautiful girl who needs an equally beautiful gown and can't afford one...but then there is the part of me that knows we need to save money for the baby and a down payment on a house...
I just have nowhere to store them.
So, how about this darlings?...
I have 5 gowns, they range in size from 8 to 16. If you're interested I will sell one or multiple gowns to you for $15 to $20 a pop. They've only been worn, on average, twice, and they've all been good luck charms for me. Every gown has a winning night associated with it...and every one of them made me feel like a princess for different reasons. I have a silver and black gown with sleeves ( I believe its a 12) a Red and White gown with sleeves (size 16), a light pink gown with gathers at the bottom and butterflies on it (it looks like a Cinderella dress) and a train on the back (size 8-10), a size 8 yellow drop waisted silky gown. Its got a low cut V neck, but you will look like a 1940's starlet in it, its very Veronica Lake (size 8) and a pink gown with a ballgown skirt that is gathered with a white sash. It is halter neck and I'll throw in a white satin bolero (size 6-8) There are a few spots on the low part of the skirt, but they would likely come out very easily with a good scrub or dry cleaning (don't say I said this, but I bet you could even run it through the wash, its satin, but not the kind that will vary in color if you get it wet).
If anyone is interested in a dress, let me know, and its yours for $15 to $20 depending on the dress (if you're a really good friend, I may even just let you make an offer of what you think is fair and its yours, it could be for as little as $5, seriously).
If I don't get any responses then I will just assume that the D.I. needs to find them a good home, but I figure that my friends should come first.
For my Pocatello friends, I would likely even let you deduct the price of gas if you wanted to come and pick one up. After all, Idaho Falls is just a hop, skip, and a jump away.
Hugs, loves, and beautiful gowns until next time darlings!
My parents have been wonderful. Things have been nice and relaxing. I know that I'm going to have to get my butt up and out the door to try to find another job (I'll likely nanny for my sister one day a week) and I need to finish unpacking the boxes in the garage, but the bedroom is almost all the way unpacked.
My dad managed to get Jeff a job working for him. This is a huge blessing for us, we were really concerned about having enough money to pay our bills and save up for the baby and our eventual move in January. Jeff is talking about the possibility of finding another job, but part of me hopes that I just am able to find one that is good enough so that he doesn't have to work himself to the bone.
My family has also been wonderful. My little sister went digging through her garage to find me some much needed maternity clothes. I was down to one pair of pants that fit (not well, mind you, but they were all I had) Its nice to have clothes that fit... You never think about what a blessing it is to have nice, fitting clothes until you don't have any. My older sister has been digging through her closet to find some shirts that will pass as maternity shirts as well. She's found a couple too! Since I got to Idaho Falls, it seems like every day is a veritable clothing Christmas! I am truly blessed to have such wonderful family members.
I got the interesting experience of shopping for maternity garments the other day at the distribution center...I was so confused. Fortunately, a little old lady noticed my confusion and walked me through the process...thank heavens for sweet strangers who do their jobs and help crazy people like me without complaint!
All in all, I am much more comfortable now.
As I rapidly approach the 16 week mark I have to think: to gender check, or not to gender check?
Jeff and I unfortunately realized that, while it would be fun to keep the baby's gender a secret and find out in November when the baby is born, it just isn't quite rational. Since we don't have a lot of money right now, we realized that we really need to have the option of buying things gradually, and the only way to do that with ease is to find out if McMonkey McBean is a boy or girl. They just don't make as many gender neutral things as they do gender specific, and its hard to buy things like portable cribs, car seats, bouncers, etc. without knowing. It just seems like EVERYTHING is pink or blue, even online.
They will automatically do an ultrasound at my 20 week appointment next month, but the biggest question is, since we can find out in as little as 2 weeks for about $25, do we want to wait another 6? (Actually, I have friends that found out at their 12 week appointment because the doctor ran an ultra sound because they couldn't find a heartbeat on the doppler...so I may even be able to find out now...but I digress...)
To save $25 or to know now....its quite the conundrum.
I do have to say, however, that I'm thinking its a boy. Its just what my gut says...but, who knows...
Jeff is home from work, I don't know if its for the day or for lunch, but its nice to see him. I miss him when we're not together. He's such a wonderful guy.
I truly did hit the jackpot. Jeff is always so sweet and thoughtful. He is constantly rubbing and tickling my back without me even having to ask. Its like he just senses that I am in pain and that I need some relief. He even bought me chocolates yesterday at Desert Book. He got a Vanilla and Victorian cream and I got a peanut butter chocolate and one called Opera Cream...I thought it seemed fitting and perfect.
I also went and tried to sell my performing gowns yesterday. It will be a while before I could wear them again and, to be honest, we need the space more than I need the gowns. Jeff promised that the first performance I have after the baby is born, he will buy me a new gown. I almost wanted to cry as I went through them. Each of them hold such wonderful memories.
I have to say I was slightly offended when the people at the Runway Fashion Exchange only bought 2 of them. I think they are all beautiful and timeless, but I was told that the rest of them were "outdated". The two that they bought were my two favorites. Sadly, one of them was my most expensive gown, a $500 black and teal gown that I wore for my senior recital. I only got $25 for it...they will likely turn around and try to sell it for $100, but I guess its better that someone else can make some new memories with it than for me to keep it hanging in the closet. It was too big for me anyway before I got pregnant, and I have every intention of it being too big again...
So...now I have 5 or 6 dresses sitting in the back of my car and I'm trying to decide what to do with them. Part of me wants to just take them to D.I. I know how it is to be a girl invited to a dance and to be unable to afford a beautiful dress. Part of me thinks it would be a lovely gesture to send them to D.I. where they will be sold for likely $15 or $20 to a beautiful girl who needs an equally beautiful gown and can't afford one...but then there is the part of me that knows we need to save money for the baby and a down payment on a house...
I just have nowhere to store them.
So, how about this darlings?...
I have 5 gowns, they range in size from 8 to 16. If you're interested I will sell one or multiple gowns to you for $15 to $20 a pop. They've only been worn, on average, twice, and they've all been good luck charms for me. Every gown has a winning night associated with it...and every one of them made me feel like a princess for different reasons. I have a silver and black gown with sleeves ( I believe its a 12) a Red and White gown with sleeves (size 16), a light pink gown with gathers at the bottom and butterflies on it (it looks like a Cinderella dress) and a train on the back (size 8-10), a size 8 yellow drop waisted silky gown. Its got a low cut V neck, but you will look like a 1940's starlet in it, its very Veronica Lake (size 8) and a pink gown with a ballgown skirt that is gathered with a white sash. It is halter neck and I'll throw in a white satin bolero (size 6-8) There are a few spots on the low part of the skirt, but they would likely come out very easily with a good scrub or dry cleaning (don't say I said this, but I bet you could even run it through the wash, its satin, but not the kind that will vary in color if you get it wet).
If anyone is interested in a dress, let me know, and its yours for $15 to $20 depending on the dress (if you're a really good friend, I may even just let you make an offer of what you think is fair and its yours, it could be for as little as $5, seriously).
If I don't get any responses then I will just assume that the D.I. needs to find them a good home, but I figure that my friends should come first.
For my Pocatello friends, I would likely even let you deduct the price of gas if you wanted to come and pick one up. After all, Idaho Falls is just a hop, skip, and a jump away.
Hugs, loves, and beautiful gowns until next time darlings!
Friday, May 6, 2011
What a Day...and its not even over yet!
Moving always takes a lot out of you, but this time it seems to be taking a lot more energy than it usually does. I think its because McMonkey McBean doesn't like it when I lift boxes and am constantly moving from side to side and up and down (I don't think I've had this much of a work out since before I was pregnant!)
Anywhooo...
I'm sitting here, on the floor in what was once my living/dining room and thinking about how blessed I am.
If I didn't do that I would probably cry because of the mesh up of modge podge belongings that still haven't found a home in a box yet, and the incredibly dirty carpet that needs to be vacuumed about a million times before 5 PM tomorrow!
I am so blessed to have wonderful parents and siblings. Jeff's dad and brother Tony came and helped moved all of the big stuff. They are taking it to Preston to be stored until our big move to Nevada in January. My parents are coming tomorrow to help us move the rest and to help clean up this mess that was once a semi-organized (albeit sometimes messy)apartment. They are letting us stay with them for as long as we need to, which is such a huge blessing.
We are looking at buying a house in the Henderson, NV area to move into in January and we need to save some money. They are being incredibly gracious and asking only that we pay for groceries and half the utility bill. This is a big relief considering that I haven't found a job in Idaho Falls yet and Jeff has only recently been told by my dad that he can work for him part-time this summer.
We're kind of operating on hope and prayer right now, but honestly, in spite of the fear about what we're going to do financially and wondering how in the world we will have a down payment saved in time, I feel incredibly at peace. I know that moving in with my parents (for now) is the right thing.
We may change our minds and move back to Poky in the autumn when Jeff goes back to school, but we will have to see. Since my midwife is in Idaho Falls and I'm delivering at Mountainview Hospital in Idaho Falls, Jeff is concerned that I will go into labor and not be able to reach him while he's in class and then we will not have enough time to get to the hospital. I keep telling him that since its my first baby, we will likely have plenty of time, but I guess its good to have a husband that doesn't want to bank on that. Its nice to know he is so concerned.
Well, darlings, I'm off to eat lunch. I had a blood draw done this morning and I didn't get to eat because of it. I ate half of a gross peanut butter and jelly tortilla combination that I concocted when I got home, but I couldn't stomach much of it and I am one hungry hungry hippo.
We still have stuff to do, but atleast the majority of the hard part is done.
Hugs and delicious lunches until next time darlings!
Anywhooo...
I'm sitting here, on the floor in what was once my living/dining room and thinking about how blessed I am.
If I didn't do that I would probably cry because of the mesh up of modge podge belongings that still haven't found a home in a box yet, and the incredibly dirty carpet that needs to be vacuumed about a million times before 5 PM tomorrow!
I am so blessed to have wonderful parents and siblings. Jeff's dad and brother Tony came and helped moved all of the big stuff. They are taking it to Preston to be stored until our big move to Nevada in January. My parents are coming tomorrow to help us move the rest and to help clean up this mess that was once a semi-organized (albeit sometimes messy)apartment. They are letting us stay with them for as long as we need to, which is such a huge blessing.
We are looking at buying a house in the Henderson, NV area to move into in January and we need to save some money. They are being incredibly gracious and asking only that we pay for groceries and half the utility bill. This is a big relief considering that I haven't found a job in Idaho Falls yet and Jeff has only recently been told by my dad that he can work for him part-time this summer.
We're kind of operating on hope and prayer right now, but honestly, in spite of the fear about what we're going to do financially and wondering how in the world we will have a down payment saved in time, I feel incredibly at peace. I know that moving in with my parents (for now) is the right thing.
We may change our minds and move back to Poky in the autumn when Jeff goes back to school, but we will have to see. Since my midwife is in Idaho Falls and I'm delivering at Mountainview Hospital in Idaho Falls, Jeff is concerned that I will go into labor and not be able to reach him while he's in class and then we will not have enough time to get to the hospital. I keep telling him that since its my first baby, we will likely have plenty of time, but I guess its good to have a husband that doesn't want to bank on that. Its nice to know he is so concerned.
Well, darlings, I'm off to eat lunch. I had a blood draw done this morning and I didn't get to eat because of it. I ate half of a gross peanut butter and jelly tortilla combination that I concocted when I got home, but I couldn't stomach much of it and I am one hungry hungry hippo.
We still have stuff to do, but atleast the majority of the hard part is done.
Hugs and delicious lunches until next time darlings!
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
McMonkey McBean- Update
Last night I was sitting with my husband. He was playing video games on his computer, and I was trying to see if I could find any decent "white noise" on the television (When I study I can't be in silence, I have to have a radio on or a television show. I often will use a television show as motivation. I will study really hard during commercials and reward myself while the show is on. Eventually, I get motivated enough that I work through the show and the television becomes white noise.) Anywhooo...
I was sitting there, studying bassoon player qualifications and I felt it...
Little butterflies in the bottom of my abdomen.
I sat for a while, unsure if I wanted to admit to what I was feeling. Had I felt what I just thought I felt? Was it gas, or hunger pangs?
But then, sure enough a few minutes later, it happened again.
"I think I just felt the baby move." I said quietly.
Jeff literally almost threw his computer to the side and tried to put his hand where I was feeling it. I sadly told him that I didn't think the baby was big enough that he'd be able to feel anything from the outside, but that didn't stop him from holding his hand on my belly for the next 2 hours while we watched a movie (yeah, I was really motivated to study...LOL)
I laid next to him on my couch and I literally felt the baby moving for five minutes. McMonkey McBean was really swimming around in there...either he/she was really not happy with my laying position, or he/she really wanted his/her presence to be known.
I felt the same butterflies this morning as I sat getting ready for my jury...and apparently the baby doesn't like it much when I sing and squeeze him/her with my abdominal muscles as I move air along because he/she went crazy during my voice jury (which I knocked out of the park p.s.)
My mom had always said that she felt all of us at 12 weeks, but I was unsure of how that would work. However, my midwife said that by 12 weeks the baby ranges in size from 2.5 inches to 4, and there isn't a lot of room yet in there, so I guess it makes sense. (Besides, I'm pretty sure McMonkey McBean will get daddy's tall genes, so I wouldn't be surprised if he/she is tall right now.)
As a matter of fact, as I type this I'm feeling butterflies again.
Viva McMonkey McBean!
Hugs and butterflies until next time darlings.
I was sitting there, studying bassoon player qualifications and I felt it...
Little butterflies in the bottom of my abdomen.
I sat for a while, unsure if I wanted to admit to what I was feeling. Had I felt what I just thought I felt? Was it gas, or hunger pangs?
But then, sure enough a few minutes later, it happened again.
"I think I just felt the baby move." I said quietly.
Jeff literally almost threw his computer to the side and tried to put his hand where I was feeling it. I sadly told him that I didn't think the baby was big enough that he'd be able to feel anything from the outside, but that didn't stop him from holding his hand on my belly for the next 2 hours while we watched a movie (yeah, I was really motivated to study...LOL)
I laid next to him on my couch and I literally felt the baby moving for five minutes. McMonkey McBean was really swimming around in there...either he/she was really not happy with my laying position, or he/she really wanted his/her presence to be known.
I felt the same butterflies this morning as I sat getting ready for my jury...and apparently the baby doesn't like it much when I sing and squeeze him/her with my abdominal muscles as I move air along because he/she went crazy during my voice jury (which I knocked out of the park p.s.)
My mom had always said that she felt all of us at 12 weeks, but I was unsure of how that would work. However, my midwife said that by 12 weeks the baby ranges in size from 2.5 inches to 4, and there isn't a lot of room yet in there, so I guess it makes sense. (Besides, I'm pretty sure McMonkey McBean will get daddy's tall genes, so I wouldn't be surprised if he/she is tall right now.)
As a matter of fact, as I type this I'm feeling butterflies again.
Viva McMonkey McBean!
Hugs and butterflies until next time darlings.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Why?
Okay, maybe its the stress of this week and the end of the school year finally catching up with me, maybe its the pregnancy hormones that are currently taking over my brain...
but I'm just sick and tired of the haters...
I usually have a really thick skin, I usually can hear people talk about me behind my back and I can shrug it off and move on.
I know that the people that talk about you behind your back are usually incredibly insecure and need your love more than your contempt.
So, what do I do? I work at it. I try to love the people that say such hurtful things behind my back. I try my hardest not to say anything mean to them or about them, ever.
But it seems like in the last few weeks that the haters are on hater overload. Every time I turn my back it feels like I hear a hateful or mean comment about me that is whispered.
So my question is...
I try my hardest to love you, I try my hardest to be nice and helpful...so why do you hate me? What did I ever do to you?
I'm sorry you're so insecure, I'm sorry that you can't get over yourself long enough to get into a practice room and do the work necessary to get to where you think you deserve to be. I'm sorry that you think that I think I'm better than you...in all honesty, I can tell you without restraint that I do not.
Do I have more education...yes, absolutely, but I will never profess to be better than anyone. I have so much work to do.
My "ah" vowel sucks, its a constant struggle for me to make the right shape. I'm still getting used to the way I have to use my breath to produce the sound necessary for my voice to really ring. My Italian diction is horrendous and I really have to work at it and remember where to flip r's instead of roll them and when its open o as opposed to closed. I still have to work really hard in the practice room to learn the intervals in my music...I plunk notes and rhythms just like everyone else, and I do so EVERY DAY...
So why do you hate me? Why do you insist on saying mean things behind my back or rolling your eyes when I'm trying to be helpful to someone who is confused about something?
I know...I know...haters are pretty much always going to hate. I know that not everyone is always going to like or love you. I know that in the real world, the real reality is that there are just mean people...
but sometimes I just want to tell the haters, "I'm sorry, you're not in high school anymore, and that you're not the shiznit in this bigger pond. Nobody cares how many leads you've had in the musicals at John Smith High." Get to the practice room! Prove that you are the shiznit. Prove that you are willing to do the work and get over yourselves long enough to take the advice of your voice teacher instead of doing things the way you want to do them. Stop impeding your own progress!
The ONLY way you will grow as an artist is if you can get over yourself long enough to be true to the music, to let yourself be moved by the emotion of a piece, to let yourself be carried back to memories that may be painful, happy, or sad and share them with the world...To be BRAVE enough to be completely exposed.
Believe me, I'm not perfect at this either, but I have had a taste of it now and then, and I can tell you that it is the most thrilling and freeing experience you will ever have.
You'll get a lot further in this business as a Renee Flemming than as a Kathleen Battle...
I love you. I do. I try so hard, probably too hard, to get you to like me, to try to help you to move forward. You don't have to accept my help or my friendship...but please...stop kicking me when I'm already down.
I'm already hard enough on myself, I don't need anyone else being hard on me too.
How about we all try to love each other and support each other for a change? How about we stop saying mean things behind people's backs because we're insecure and it makes us feel better to tear them down...?
We will all get so much further when we love and support each other than we will get tearing each other down. Not everyone can have a lead role, not everyone can be center stage, but we can all support and encourage the people in the spot light, we can applaud them for their hard work, and we can all help each other to move forward and have a chance to be there.
The minute you stop hating is the minute that love will take over your life and change it for the better.
I still love you haters in spite of it all...I guess in a way this blog is telling you that you've won. In my current pregnant state I just don't have the strength to let your hurtful,mean comments roll off my back anymore. You have drawn tears, but I promise that it won't happen again. I don't want to encourage your behavior. I want to encourage you to love and allow yourselves to move forward.
I don't think I'm the best, I never have...I make mistakes too, lots of them, and I can promise you that I beat myself up over them on a daily basis. You are the ones that decided that I think I'm the best. You're the ones that have made me a villain in your own minds. I promise to continue to love you no matter what. I promise that this is the last I will speak of this. I promise to continue to be nice and try to help you when you need help.
Let's all try to love each other. Let's all try to be friends. Friends are so much better than non-friends and enemies.
I'm sorry if this seems whiney and complainey, but I had to get it off my chest. I need to move forward into this summer thinking about positive things and preparing for my life, and my future to change in a major way.
I'm sure there is someone out there reading this thinking that it is just proof of how full of myself I am. "Oh my gosh, Brittany thinks everyone hates her because she is good. How egotistical!" I can assure you that there is no thought further from my mind. I'm finally just feeling the effects of the wounds of piercing comments said behind my back.
I will be the first to admit how much work I still have left to do. If I thought I was amazing and wonderful I'd probably be out in the "real world" trying to make a career out of this singing thing, not back working on a second undergraduate degree trying to fix my voice and improve my skills. I think Renee Flemming said it best when she said something to the effect of: If you ever think that you are done perfecting your craft, that is the minute you need to stop performing, because we ALWAYS have ways we can be better and improve ourselves.
Hugs and loves until next time darlings.
but I'm just sick and tired of the haters...
I usually have a really thick skin, I usually can hear people talk about me behind my back and I can shrug it off and move on.
I know that the people that talk about you behind your back are usually incredibly insecure and need your love more than your contempt.
So, what do I do? I work at it. I try to love the people that say such hurtful things behind my back. I try my hardest not to say anything mean to them or about them, ever.
But it seems like in the last few weeks that the haters are on hater overload. Every time I turn my back it feels like I hear a hateful or mean comment about me that is whispered.
So my question is...
I try my hardest to love you, I try my hardest to be nice and helpful...so why do you hate me? What did I ever do to you?
I'm sorry you're so insecure, I'm sorry that you can't get over yourself long enough to get into a practice room and do the work necessary to get to where you think you deserve to be. I'm sorry that you think that I think I'm better than you...in all honesty, I can tell you without restraint that I do not.
Do I have more education...yes, absolutely, but I will never profess to be better than anyone. I have so much work to do.
My "ah" vowel sucks, its a constant struggle for me to make the right shape. I'm still getting used to the way I have to use my breath to produce the sound necessary for my voice to really ring. My Italian diction is horrendous and I really have to work at it and remember where to flip r's instead of roll them and when its open o as opposed to closed. I still have to work really hard in the practice room to learn the intervals in my music...I plunk notes and rhythms just like everyone else, and I do so EVERY DAY...
So why do you hate me? Why do you insist on saying mean things behind my back or rolling your eyes when I'm trying to be helpful to someone who is confused about something?
I know...I know...haters are pretty much always going to hate. I know that not everyone is always going to like or love you. I know that in the real world, the real reality is that there are just mean people...
but sometimes I just want to tell the haters, "I'm sorry, you're not in high school anymore, and that you're not the shiznit in this bigger pond. Nobody cares how many leads you've had in the musicals at John Smith High." Get to the practice room! Prove that you are the shiznit. Prove that you are willing to do the work and get over yourselves long enough to take the advice of your voice teacher instead of doing things the way you want to do them. Stop impeding your own progress!
The ONLY way you will grow as an artist is if you can get over yourself long enough to be true to the music, to let yourself be moved by the emotion of a piece, to let yourself be carried back to memories that may be painful, happy, or sad and share them with the world...To be BRAVE enough to be completely exposed.
Believe me, I'm not perfect at this either, but I have had a taste of it now and then, and I can tell you that it is the most thrilling and freeing experience you will ever have.
You'll get a lot further in this business as a Renee Flemming than as a Kathleen Battle...
I love you. I do. I try so hard, probably too hard, to get you to like me, to try to help you to move forward. You don't have to accept my help or my friendship...but please...stop kicking me when I'm already down.
I'm already hard enough on myself, I don't need anyone else being hard on me too.
How about we all try to love each other and support each other for a change? How about we stop saying mean things behind people's backs because we're insecure and it makes us feel better to tear them down...?
We will all get so much further when we love and support each other than we will get tearing each other down. Not everyone can have a lead role, not everyone can be center stage, but we can all support and encourage the people in the spot light, we can applaud them for their hard work, and we can all help each other to move forward and have a chance to be there.
The minute you stop hating is the minute that love will take over your life and change it for the better.
I still love you haters in spite of it all...I guess in a way this blog is telling you that you've won. In my current pregnant state I just don't have the strength to let your hurtful,mean comments roll off my back anymore. You have drawn tears, but I promise that it won't happen again. I don't want to encourage your behavior. I want to encourage you to love and allow yourselves to move forward.
I don't think I'm the best, I never have...I make mistakes too, lots of them, and I can promise you that I beat myself up over them on a daily basis. You are the ones that decided that I think I'm the best. You're the ones that have made me a villain in your own minds. I promise to continue to love you no matter what. I promise that this is the last I will speak of this. I promise to continue to be nice and try to help you when you need help.
Let's all try to love each other. Let's all try to be friends. Friends are so much better than non-friends and enemies.
I'm sorry if this seems whiney and complainey, but I had to get it off my chest. I need to move forward into this summer thinking about positive things and preparing for my life, and my future to change in a major way.
I'm sure there is someone out there reading this thinking that it is just proof of how full of myself I am. "Oh my gosh, Brittany thinks everyone hates her because she is good. How egotistical!" I can assure you that there is no thought further from my mind. I'm finally just feeling the effects of the wounds of piercing comments said behind my back.
I will be the first to admit how much work I still have left to do. If I thought I was amazing and wonderful I'd probably be out in the "real world" trying to make a career out of this singing thing, not back working on a second undergraduate degree trying to fix my voice and improve my skills. I think Renee Flemming said it best when she said something to the effect of: If you ever think that you are done perfecting your craft, that is the minute you need to stop performing, because we ALWAYS have ways we can be better and improve ourselves.
Hugs and loves until next time darlings.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
What do you do?
What do you do when you have a 10 page paper to write for your Independent Choral Conducting Study???
Well, I can tell you what I do....
Start scrapbooking a baby book....
I know....I'm such an example of responsibility... You can start and stop envying at any moment...Hugs and loves until next time darlings!
Friday, April 22, 2011
A Thought...
As I was sitting at rehearsal for Haydn's Creation last night, the thought struck me like a 2 ton load- How can people not believe there is a God?
I don't know why I thought it, I just did...
Let me preface the rest of this post by saying that I in no way want to push or force my beliefs on anyone...I respect everyone's beliefs. One thing that my religion teaches is the importance of allowing all men the privilege to worship God as they see fit (or not worship God in this case).
I guess its more of a question for atheist folk out there? What made them decide against a belief in God?
It seems to me that the more education I have, the more my testimony in the existence of God grows.
I cannot believe that all of the order in the universe is a result of some grand coincidence.
Science teaches us that even down to the smallest realm of existence (atoms and below) there are set and intricate rules about how things work.
I look at the beautiful autumn, winter, spring and summer days- I look at the lush green trees and the beautiful vibrant flowers and I think, "What a wonderful gift." The way that these plants grow and work is so intricate and organized, I cannot believe that, again, I can't see how people would just think it was a coincidence out of chaos.
I hear beautiful music, I think of the testament that it brings that we are not alone...the testament that no matter what time you live in, no matter what country, no matter what religion you ascribe to, someone has felt the same way as you...and I can't help but be grateful. Music to me is another testament of God's love- he wanted us to be able to help each other and buoy each other up.
I think about music, I think about the evolution of Western music specifically, with all its intricacies and order and I can't help but feel that it was divine inspiration that led men to be able to come up with a system that writes it down.
I also thought last night about the miracle of the human body. I think about all the things that we still don't know about the brain and how it runs everything, I think about the amazing systems installed in our bodies to maintain order and balance, I think of our abilities to create LIFE...breathing, eating, pooping, sleeping, thinking, feeling LIFE! It is such a miracle, there are so many strict rules that are involved in the creation of life: the timing, the body's temperature...etc., how can it be seen as anything but a miracle? Our ability to create life is the one godly attribute we have on this earth, its proof that we are created in His image...
How is that coincidental?
I know, there may be an atheist out there reading this completely offended, even with my disclaimer...
This is not meant to be offensive. These are honest questions.
I know that there is no "proof" that God exists...or at least what the scientific community would call proof...but to me, all of the aforementioned scenarios are proof... in my mind, there is too much order, too much goodness in this world to believe that God does not exist.
You can't see the wind, but you can FEEL it...I can't see God, but I can feel His presence in my life.
You can detect high and low pressure systems that lead to the creation of wind...so maybe all of the order in the universe, maybe all of the beautiful things that surround us are God's high and low pressure systems...telling us that He is present.
Yes, bad things happen...but another thing I have learned since I was little is that this life is meant to test us. This life is meant to give men an opportunity to make good or bad choices for themselves, this life is meant to determine where you will be happiest in the next life, this life is meant to prove if you can handle godly powers and attributes in the next life...
I know, my words will not change the mind of a hardened atheist. I get it... when it comes right down to it, I can't prove that God exists...but no one can prove that He doesn't.
With the approach of Easter Sunday, I want to say how grateful I am for a loving Father in Heaven, who sent his Son as the ultimate proof of his love for us. He loved us so much He wanted us to be able to return to Him. Christ, our older brother, loved us so much that he was willing to suffer more than any man could ever fathom to ensure that we would be able to return home again.
Christ performed miracles using Godly power, I have seen miracles in our time. I have seen my older sister come through horrible health crisis after horrible health crisis, I've been told that she was at death's door, and through the grace and power of God, through priesthood blessings, she was able to regain her health and live to raise her beautiful children. I have been blessed with the life that I now hold inside of me. I have seen love change a man's life. I have seen my step-father break the cycle of abuse that he was raised in. I have seen him, through prayer and personal struggle, be strengthened and made better, more whole, more godly...
and that is what this life is about...coming through trials to become more like God, using the example of our brother, Savior, and Redeemer Jesus Christ.
I know that the rambling above will not change a set opinion on the matter...but I will say that I allow you the privilege to not believe in God, just allow me my privilege to believe...
I love you all, no matter what your beliefs...at the end of the day, good people are still good people, no matter their religion or creed. Everyone has rights to make their own decisions, whether they be good or bad.
With all the scary and sad things that happen in the world, let's try to focus on the good, let's try to foster the good until it becomes a beautiful garden of love that drives the evil, scary, and sad things away. Let's work together to make this world more godly.
Hugs, and deep love until next time darlings.
I don't know why I thought it, I just did...
Let me preface the rest of this post by saying that I in no way want to push or force my beliefs on anyone...I respect everyone's beliefs. One thing that my religion teaches is the importance of allowing all men the privilege to worship God as they see fit (or not worship God in this case).
I guess its more of a question for atheist folk out there? What made them decide against a belief in God?
It seems to me that the more education I have, the more my testimony in the existence of God grows.
I cannot believe that all of the order in the universe is a result of some grand coincidence.
Science teaches us that even down to the smallest realm of existence (atoms and below) there are set and intricate rules about how things work.
I look at the beautiful autumn, winter, spring and summer days- I look at the lush green trees and the beautiful vibrant flowers and I think, "What a wonderful gift." The way that these plants grow and work is so intricate and organized, I cannot believe that, again, I can't see how people would just think it was a coincidence out of chaos.
I hear beautiful music, I think of the testament that it brings that we are not alone...the testament that no matter what time you live in, no matter what country, no matter what religion you ascribe to, someone has felt the same way as you...and I can't help but be grateful. Music to me is another testament of God's love- he wanted us to be able to help each other and buoy each other up.
I think about music, I think about the evolution of Western music specifically, with all its intricacies and order and I can't help but feel that it was divine inspiration that led men to be able to come up with a system that writes it down.
I also thought last night about the miracle of the human body. I think about all the things that we still don't know about the brain and how it runs everything, I think about the amazing systems installed in our bodies to maintain order and balance, I think of our abilities to create LIFE...breathing, eating, pooping, sleeping, thinking, feeling LIFE! It is such a miracle, there are so many strict rules that are involved in the creation of life: the timing, the body's temperature...etc., how can it be seen as anything but a miracle? Our ability to create life is the one godly attribute we have on this earth, its proof that we are created in His image...
How is that coincidental?
I know, there may be an atheist out there reading this completely offended, even with my disclaimer...
This is not meant to be offensive. These are honest questions.
I know that there is no "proof" that God exists...or at least what the scientific community would call proof...but to me, all of the aforementioned scenarios are proof... in my mind, there is too much order, too much goodness in this world to believe that God does not exist.
You can't see the wind, but you can FEEL it...I can't see God, but I can feel His presence in my life.
You can detect high and low pressure systems that lead to the creation of wind...so maybe all of the order in the universe, maybe all of the beautiful things that surround us are God's high and low pressure systems...telling us that He is present.
Yes, bad things happen...but another thing I have learned since I was little is that this life is meant to test us. This life is meant to give men an opportunity to make good or bad choices for themselves, this life is meant to determine where you will be happiest in the next life, this life is meant to prove if you can handle godly powers and attributes in the next life...
I know, my words will not change the mind of a hardened atheist. I get it... when it comes right down to it, I can't prove that God exists...but no one can prove that He doesn't.
With the approach of Easter Sunday, I want to say how grateful I am for a loving Father in Heaven, who sent his Son as the ultimate proof of his love for us. He loved us so much He wanted us to be able to return to Him. Christ, our older brother, loved us so much that he was willing to suffer more than any man could ever fathom to ensure that we would be able to return home again.
Christ performed miracles using Godly power, I have seen miracles in our time. I have seen my older sister come through horrible health crisis after horrible health crisis, I've been told that she was at death's door, and through the grace and power of God, through priesthood blessings, she was able to regain her health and live to raise her beautiful children. I have been blessed with the life that I now hold inside of me. I have seen love change a man's life. I have seen my step-father break the cycle of abuse that he was raised in. I have seen him, through prayer and personal struggle, be strengthened and made better, more whole, more godly...
and that is what this life is about...coming through trials to become more like God, using the example of our brother, Savior, and Redeemer Jesus Christ.
I know that the rambling above will not change a set opinion on the matter...but I will say that I allow you the privilege to not believe in God, just allow me my privilege to believe...
I love you all, no matter what your beliefs...at the end of the day, good people are still good people, no matter their religion or creed. Everyone has rights to make their own decisions, whether they be good or bad.
With all the scary and sad things that happen in the world, let's try to focus on the good, let's try to foster the good until it becomes a beautiful garden of love that drives the evil, scary, and sad things away. Let's work together to make this world more godly.
Hugs, and deep love until next time darlings.
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