Why?

Okay, maybe its the stress of this week and the end of the school year finally catching up with me, maybe its the pregnancy hormones that are currently taking over my brain...

but I'm just sick and tired of the haters...

I usually have a really thick skin, I usually can hear people talk about me behind my back and I can shrug it off and move on.

I know that the people that talk about you behind your back are usually incredibly insecure and need your love more than your contempt.

So, what do I do? I work at it. I try to love the people that say such hurtful things behind my back. I try my hardest not to say anything mean to them or about them, ever.

But it seems like in the last few weeks that the haters are on hater overload. Every time I turn my back it feels like I hear a hateful or mean comment about me that is whispered.

So my question is...

I try my hardest to love you, I try my hardest to be nice and helpful...so why do you hate me? What did I ever do to you?

I'm sorry you're so insecure, I'm sorry that you can't get over yourself long enough to get into a practice room and do the work necessary to get to where you think you deserve to be. I'm sorry that you think that I think I'm better than you...in all honesty, I can tell you without restraint that I do not.

Do I have more education...yes, absolutely, but I will never profess to be better than anyone. I have so much work to do.

My "ah" vowel sucks, its a constant struggle for me to make the right shape. I'm still getting used to the way I have to use my breath to produce the sound necessary for my voice to really ring. My Italian diction is horrendous and I really have to work at it and remember where to flip r's instead of roll them and when its open o as opposed to closed. I still have to work really hard in the practice room to learn the intervals in my music...I plunk notes and rhythms just like everyone else, and I do so EVERY DAY...

So why do you hate me? Why do you insist on saying mean things behind my back or rolling your eyes when I'm trying to be helpful to someone who is confused about something?

I know...I know...haters are pretty much always going to hate. I know that not everyone is always going to like or love you. I know that in the real world, the real reality is that there are just mean people...

but sometimes I just want to tell the haters, "I'm sorry, you're not in high school anymore, and that you're not the shiznit in this bigger pond. Nobody cares how many leads you've had in the musicals at John Smith High." Get to the practice room! Prove that you are the shiznit. Prove that you are willing to do the work and get over yourselves long enough to take the advice of your voice teacher instead of doing things the way you want to do them. Stop impeding your own progress!

The ONLY way you will grow as an artist is if you can get over yourself long enough to be true to the music, to let yourself be moved by the emotion of a piece, to let yourself be carried back to memories that may be painful, happy, or sad and share them with the world...To be BRAVE enough to be completely exposed.

Believe me, I'm not perfect at this either, but I have had a taste of it now and then, and I can tell you that it is the most thrilling and freeing experience you will ever have.

You'll get a lot further in this business as a Renee Flemming than as a Kathleen Battle...

I love you. I do. I try so hard, probably too hard, to get you to like me, to try to help you to move forward. You don't have to accept my help or my friendship...but please...stop kicking me when I'm already down.

I'm already hard enough on myself, I don't need anyone else being hard on me too.

How about we all try to love each other and support each other for a change? How about we stop saying mean things behind people's backs because we're insecure and it makes us feel better to tear them down...?

We will all get so much further when we love and support each other than we will get tearing each other down. Not everyone can have a lead role, not everyone can be center stage, but we can all support and encourage the people in the spot light, we can applaud them for their hard work, and we can all help each other to move forward and have a chance to be there.

The minute you stop hating is the minute that love will take over your life and change it for the better.

I still love you haters in spite of it all...I guess in a way this blog is telling you that you've won. In my current pregnant state I just don't have the strength to let your hurtful,mean comments roll off my back anymore. You have drawn tears, but I promise that it won't happen again. I don't want to encourage your behavior. I want to encourage you to love and allow yourselves to move forward.

I don't think I'm the best, I never have...I make mistakes too, lots of them, and I can promise you that I beat myself up over them on a daily basis. You are the ones that decided that I think I'm the best. You're the ones that have made me a villain in your own minds. I promise to continue to love you no matter what. I promise that this is the last I will speak of this. I promise to continue to be nice and try to help you when you need help.

Let's all try to love each other. Let's all try to be friends. Friends are so much better than non-friends and enemies.

I'm sorry if this seems whiney and complainey, but I had to get it off my chest. I need to move forward into this summer thinking about positive things and preparing for my life, and my future to change in a major way.

I'm sure there is someone out there reading this thinking that it is just proof of how full of myself I am. "Oh my gosh, Brittany thinks everyone hates her because she is good. How egotistical!" I can assure you that there is no thought further from my mind. I'm finally just feeling the effects of the wounds of piercing comments said behind my back.

I will be the first to admit how much work I still have left to do. If I thought I was amazing and wonderful I'd probably be out in the "real world" trying to make a career out of this singing thing, not back working on a second undergraduate degree trying to fix my voice and improve my skills. I think Renee Flemming said it best when she said something to the effect of: If you ever think that you are done perfecting your craft, that is the minute you need to stop performing, because we ALWAYS have ways we can be better and improve ourselves.

Hugs and loves until next time darlings.