I know its been almost a week since I've written anything...I'm sure you were dying in anticipation waiting for me to write something...anything...
I have nothing.
I guess I have kind of felt like I'm morphing with Debbie Downer lately. I really just don't want to bring anyone down with me. I'd rather be trapped by Debbie Downer all by myself than share the same old complaints..
You see, I'm still sick...
Which is probably why the Debbie Downer thing has seemed to take hold of me like the Bubonic Plague...
Everyone keeps telling me that it will end soon... and I look forward to the start of a second trimester, and then there are THOSE people...the ones that tell you that they were sick their entire pregnancy and that, from the sounds of things, you might be in the same boat they were in...
Its at these times that Debbie Downer wraps her monkey arms around my neck and holds on tight, hoping to make her morphing complete.
I have been making an effort to count my blessings when Debbie tries to pull me down into the pit of despair...so...here is an itemized list of a few (because I'm sure you're all dying to count my blessings with me...)
1) I'm having a baby! Hooray! In high school, after they discovered cysts on my ovaries and endometriosis growing on my uterus I was told that I would likely have a very difficult time conceiving. Apparently, according to my midwife, the Metformin that I take for my Insulin Resistance reverses this effect making it possible for me to ovulate and not get cysts...making it possible for me to get pregnant...Hooray for modern medicine. I am so blessed to be sick! (Well, blessed that they discovered my metabolic syndrome so that I could reverse the effects of the illness... not necessarily blessed to BE sick...)
2) We actually discovered one food that doesn't make me nauseous (or if it does, its very slight) Hooray for Lunchables! (Boo that we seem to run out of them in my house too fast...but hooray that we happened upon this discovery. It gives me an opportunity to, atleast once a day, eat something and not feel like I want to die afterwards.)
3) I have the most amazing husband on the planet. I had a major MAJOR cryfest last night. Jeff wrapped his arms around me and tried to assure me that I'm not a horrible wife because my house is a mess and I have been having a hard time taking care of him like I used to. He promised me he would do all the cleaning until the nausea lets up...I am going to try to make sure this is one promise he doesn't have to keep...but he is still sweet to try to offer and make me feel better. He also hands me random amounts of cash and tells me to do whatever I want with it...apparently, after talking to some friends in the music building today, I have discovered that this isn't a common occurrence. I am so blessed to have such a thoughtful, loving man in my life *P.S. its not like I don't get to spend money, it is,after all, OUR money...we make most purchasing decisions together, but if we have cash leftover he gives it to me...so sweet.
4) I have amazing friends. I'm sure they are sick of listening to me complain, but they try their hardest to continue on in the war o' baby disease with me....they make me laugh, make me feel like I'm not a complete failure, and they make me feel like I always have a place that I will fit in. Thanks for being wonderful darlings.
5) I have wonderful parents. They are going to let us move in with them for the summer (or part of it) so that we can save some money for the baby. They said they may even let us stay for the fall semester if that is what Jeff decides he wants...so blessed to have them.
This list tends to get larger as the day progresses, these are just my top 5. I'm working on not allowing Debbie Downer to morph with me and trying to feel some semblance of "normal" (if that even exists). I'm not perfect at it yet. There are some moments/hours/days where this early baby disease is almost too much to bear. I just keep trying to remind myself how fortunate I am and no matter what, press on...always pressing on.
I fervently hope that in two weeks I will wake up and magically I will not be nauseous....however, I have faith, that no matter how long I am sick for, it will be worth it in the end.
God loves me, he loves you too...and things always have a way of working themselves out for the best. I truly believe that.
So maybe, just maybe, if you find yourself struggling today, yesterday, next week...try to simply look at your life and see where you are blessed...
You may not have all the answers to why you are experiencing the trials that you are, you may not even be out of the mire yet...but you will, for a moment, an hour, or a day be able to feel better.
When upon life's billows you are tempest toss'd
When you are discouraged thinking all is lost
Count your many blessings
Name them one by one
And it will surprise you what the Lord has done
Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
Does that cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings, Angels will attend
Help and comfort give you to your journey's end...
I hope, darlings, that no matter how tough things get you will always be able to remember that there is someone out there that loves you. Whether you believe in God or not, whether you believe in angels or not, LOVE is real...and there are always people around that will love you and support you. I love you...you may be one of my best friends, you may be an acquaintance, you may even be a stranger who happened upon this blog...but I love you! Without hidden agendas, I love you. I love you because everyone deserves love, everyone deserves a friend, or someone to relate to...even if it is someone strange like me...Just give people a chance, surround yourself with positivity, the light will always envelop the darkness and push it away. It WILL GET BETTER...just have enough faith to let it play out. The situation may be horrible, it may be life changing, you may wonder how you can ever survive or get through it...but I promise that after this hurricane of life there will be a double rainbow so beautiful that you will be amazingly grateful for the storm.
Hugs and Loves (minus Debbie Downer) until next time darlings!