Drained...

Chamber Choir music sits in my folder on my table...

The taxes need to be mailed so we can get our very much needed refund...

I have a 45 minute powerpoint presentation and 2 long research papers to start/finish writing (one is started, the other isn't.)

It seems to me McMonkey McBean doesn't care if I get it done.

McMonkey McBean wants me to sit on the couch, nauseated and drained after a very long day...

I don't think I've ever been this tired in my life...

Except for yesterday, and the day before that...

The Next 4 weeks can't pass fast enough. I'm kind of getting sick of everyone asking if I'm okay when I'm clearly not feeling well and then (in some cases) seeming annoyed when I honestly answer.

I just want my baby bump to come so I can stop feeling like I'm just putting on weight, I want to feel that first flutter of life to make things more real, and I want to actually be able to eat and ENJOY a meal as opposed to what currently happens now...(forcing myself to eat waiting for the inevitable wave of nausea that will overcome my body for the following 2-4 hours).

After a 7:45 AM call for opera this morning, stick a fork in me...I'm DONE.

My sweet husband is in doing the dishes. Part of me knows I should get up and help...but the baby growing part of me is very content to sit very still on this couch and do absolutely nothing.

I keep reminding myself that this will pass. I keep reminding myself that this is just the first test of motherhood. I keep reminding myself how lucky I am to have such a wonderful husband who works so hard to take care of me. Things will get better. In a few short weeks I will be feeling my McMonkey McBean practicing soccer, boxing, and other various sports. In a few short weeks, I will be out of school for the summer and I will have time to sleep and take it easy for a bit. In a few short weeks, I will be back at the doctors office getting to actually hear his/her heartbeat for the first time (they can see the heartbeat on the first ultrasound, but its so small that you can't actually hear it).

These things keep me going. I just keep reminding myself that this too shall pass. In spite of everything, in spite of feeling more drained than I ever have before in my life, I know that there are only good things to come. I know that God loves me and that things are working out on his timeline. Yes, I have some tough decisions ahead about school, and life but I just have this overwhelming sense of peace. I don't feel the need to worry too much.

So...I'll just keep sitting on my couch, very still...waiting for the nausea to pass, I may even close my eyes for a few minutes...

And then I will get back to the land of the living..

For now, I choose to let myself feel drained. I deserve it after a long day.

Hugs and loves until next time darlings.