I am currently laying on the bed of an executive suite at The Meadows at Parkwood Apartments in Idaho Falls. As I lay here, I am thinking of how much we needed this weekend...
Sadly, the family fun was cut short a bit because my brother Aaron and his wife Holly had to pack up their kids early and head back to Boise because of car troubles. They needed her parents, who were on their way back from Utah, to follow them in case they broke down. I can happily report that they made it back home safely. Love you Aaron and Holly, we were glad to see you and your kiddies, even if it wasn't for as long as we'd hope.
I would make this a post full of "family fun" that we've had this weekend, but much of yesterday was spent waiting to take family pictures and chasing my 18 month old away from the stairs at my older sister's house... We have had a nice, relaxing visit...which brings me to the topic of my post...
While seeing family has been the purpose of our weekend visit to Idaho Falls from Preston, I think there was a much bigger goal accomplished...
I think we needed a change of pace, a change of scenery and a chance to just relax and breathe for 5 minutes.
Poor Jeff, my superhero, has been spending pretty much every day of the last three weeks filling out job applications and glued to the LDS jobs website, the state employment department website, and Craig's List looking for jobs that he is qualified for and can apply for. He probably has sent out well over 150-175 resumes and likely filled out 75-100 extra applications... and the poor guy has probably dealt with more rejection than he ever thought he would in his entire life.
I am happy to report that he hasn't once opened his computer to look at job listings (at least not that I'm aware of.) He has just allowed himself to sit, relax and play with the girls, and play a little Starcraft here and there.
Last night I went to bed so physically exhausted I could barely see straight and woke up feeling still so exhausted that my entire body felt heavy. All afternoon as we were with family I was longing for the comfort of the bed in this little executive suite because I just wanted to sleep and relax... something I haven't let myself do because I have been worrying so much.
Jeff mentioned that he was feeling the same way. Just exhausted... but actually feeling like he was getting a chance to relax and take a break from worry and stress.
In some ways, I feel like we've turned a corner. It almost feels like we can see the end of this crazy time and that we are starting to see the hidden blessing that Heavenly Father has been trying to unlock for us.
Last week, Jeff had a company in Cache Valley close to where we live call him to take their employment tests. They even had the technical college where they do the testing give him free training in high voltage safety before the test and certify him...which means he can put this certification on other job applications if he doesn't manage to land this job... which is a huge blessing because many of the jobs he's applied for have said no because he had no actual experience with high voltage (just a section in his last electronics class at ISU where they breezed over it), and now he does. He has a final interview with them on Tuesday.
We are hoping its one of those " We're just interviewing you in person as a formality but you have the job" interviews...it would be a huge blessing for us if Jeff got the job because we really can't afford to move somewhere else as a family... if he got a job in another city it would likely mean living apart for 2 weeks to a month as we save up enough for a deposit and first month's rent on an apartment or house where ever he got a job... We have a 50/50 chance that its one of those interviews, as Jeff was only competing with one other person for the job...its either the aforementioned good type of interview we're hoping for, or its a ,"You both tested really well, and we're not sure what to do so now you have to convince us" types of interviews...the kind where you just have to pray that you sold yourself better than the other guy did.
Tomorrow (Monday), he has an interview at ISU. His professors were nice enough to let him on the list of interviewees for a company that is coming to recruit new techs for a new factory they built in Caldwell, ID. They want to get it up and running and need quite few techs to do so. Because they need so many techs and are eager to hire new grads (especially new grads from ISU) we are pretty sure he will be a shoe in with his extra certifications...
At this point, while I would love him to get a job in Cache Valley so we can stay together and avoid having to uproot EVERYTHING all over again, I am just praying he gets good news and knows that he has a job this week so we can relax the rest of the way...it would be nice to be able to relax like we've been able to this weekend and just enjoy the time we've had together.
This weekend has definitely taught me that I am just SICK of being stressed...I am making myself ill...and its not good for me or for my family. I need to be able to function and take care of my sweet baby girls...and I need to be strong for Jeff. We help hold each other up, and I can't help but feel like lately he has had to bear more of the weight than I have. I love my superhero (and he is a SUPERHERO...no one can make me believe otherwise.)
Hopefully, the tunnel we've been walking in will be completely lighted this week and we will know what we're doing and where we're going. At this point, I am relying on the Lord. I know God has a plan for us, and I know he has a place he wants us to be. I fully believe that he uprooted everything and Jeff was laid off for a good purpose, not to make us miserable. I believe he has a better future in store and we just have to be willing to let him lead us to it...it may not be our plan...but then again, His plans are always infinity times better than our plans...
I am still worried...my stomach is still twisted in a never ending knot...but I am not allowing myself to lose faith that things will get better...but I can't help but be worried about all the stuff in between now and the point where things start to get better...bills still need to be paid, kids still need to be clothed, fed and taken to the doctor, and we still need to be able to take care of ourselves too... While I trust that the Lord will provide, I have to wonder if I'm doing all I can so that He can make up the deficit...
In a way, I guess my worry helps me to stay on my toes and keep working as hard as I can to help things to work out in the meantime...so in an odd way, my worry wart ways are a blessing...even if I am so nauseated and tired all the time that I can barely see straight...at least I know I'm getting stuff done, right?
I think I need to continue praying...but I know that as I pray, He is there listening and He will make it all better...he is our Father...and that is His job. He can only give us what we ask Him for.
Hugs and Loves until next time, darlings.