Often times, it feels like life moves like you're on a high wire- 2 steps forward, one step back...carefully keeping balance as you go.
My life as of late has been this same way.
Moving back to Idaho was a rapid change, like riding a unicycle across a high wire (a unicycle that had been rigged for complete safe passage, but it still looks dangerous to the spectators.)
We're here, we're adjusting to life in my in-laws' house, and living out of boxes for an undefined amount of time.
Our original plan was that we would stay until April when a family member was going to have a house open up and we could rent it from them until we either decided to buy it from them or find something else, but that changed when my mother in law told us that she wanted us to stay longer. In fact, she said she wants us to stay as long as we want to.
While this offer is so humbling because there is so much love behind it, I know me. I know I will get tired of having to dig through boxes to find something I'm missing, and I know that I need my own space. Its hard to live in someone else's house and not know if something you're doing is going to upset them because its not the way that they would do it.
So, we went house hunting...however, we made the mistake of going house hunting before we'd been pre-approved for financing, so we really didn't know what we'd qualify for. We are fortunate because Idaho does have a home loan program that allows the buyer to pay 0 down and, if they make arrangements with the seller, include closing costs in the cost of the loan.
We thought we'd found "the house". It wasn't EVERYTHING we were looking for, but it was perfect for what we absolutely needed and for the price it was better than anything we'd been looking at so far. We were so sure that we would be approved for enough to buy this house because we'd talked to people that have this same loan and because we'd talked to a real estate agent who frequently deals with them...well, we didn't account for the fact that our student loan debts would put us $100 a month in bills OVER the amount that we would be allowed to have in bills to qualify for enough to purchase the house.
Dejected, we left the loan office finding that we would be qualified for $20,000 LESS than we would need to get the house. We didn't even take the application because we needed to regroup and figure out what we were doing.
Bless my husband's heart. He called the family member with the house immediately because he felt it was our next best option.
I had been hesitant to purchase this family member's house. Not because I think it is a lemon or that it is unkempt The outside is actually beautiful...the big problem is that its only 2 bedroom, and as we would need to be in the house for a while, I worry about having room to expand our family.
There were tears. Tears because I was sad to miss out on the house that we'd found, and tears because I thought it was all my fault. Most of the debt we are in is because of my student loans.
Of course, even though I was trying to hide my tears, Jeff is astute. When I mentioned this thought to him he, in essence, told me to shut my mouth. My education is a huge blessing, even if I'm not using it to contribute much to our family income right now (still trying to get my studio up and running again, its slow, but I have made some progress and have a few confirmed students. I'm also having some luck with my photography business. See my latest shoot HERE. I think it turned out SUPER CUTE!) He reminded me of the fact that if anything bad ever happened to him, we would need it and he's glad I have it. Also, because of the education I have, I am blessed with the opportunity to stay home with my babies and make money doing things like my voice studio and photography.
I've spent the week focusing on blessings that we have in our lives right now. We are so blessed to be back in Idaho, close to family and in the area that we love. We are blessed to have a roof over our heads and wonderful family members who have been willing to help us out in so many ways, and most of all, we are blessed to have one another.
I truly believe that everything happens for a reason.
Maybe "the house" wasn't "the house"....perhaps we are being spared from some major financial hardships? Maybe, if it had worked, a week or so after the sale was final the plumbing could have gone out, or there could have been a flood, or something horrible would have happened that wouldn't have been covered by our insurance and we wouldn't have been able to afford the repairs without going deeper into debt...maybe one of our kids could have gotten hurt in the neighborhood...you never know why things happen, but if my life has taught me anything its this:
We can have all the plans in the world for ourselves, but they will NEVER be as good as Heavenly Father's plans for us.
So...we adapt...its a heck of a lot easier than letting Him drag us kicking and screaming from one blessing to the next. I'd rather walk along side Him and trust His judgement.
So...we are adapting. Making plans and waiting to see how they pan out. We are going house hunting again this weekend and looking in the price point that we were given at the loan office and we are working on filling out the application since it could take a while to get full approval for the loan...and we're making decisions. If we don't find anything we like, then we are planning on moving forward with the purchase of our family member's house. We have been told that renovations may be possible using the loan money if we can make it fall under the category of "repairs". The loan officer seems very willing to help make that happen...so, we add on a room or two onto the back of the house (since the family member is willing to cut us a deal on it and we would have enough money leftover to do something like that.), and have room to expand and grow into the house and add equity to the house in the process. That way, when we are ready to find our "dream house" we can have some actual money for that dream house...
Everything is still up in the air...and that is okay. Since God is the one in charge, that is probably for the best. Sometimes having no plans is the best plan that you can make. It leaves you open to possibilities, and the opportunity to see what He has in store for you if you're willing to work with Him.
Hugs and loves until next time darlings!