Its 8:00 PM and my house is silent. I'm sitting here wishing I could sleep, completely drained and exhausted, but I have no such luck...
The cupcake in my belly is being very indecisive. One hour she wants to come and for the next 2 the constant, steady contractions go away...
In between periods of pain, I take a moment to drink in the pleasure around me.
I look at my sweet, loving husband. So dedicated, strong, smart, loving and amazing...he too is exhausted...every time I get out of bed to walk around to alleviate pain or to use the restroom, he stirs. He doesn't say it, but I know he is on edge...its in his nature to be at the ready, waiting for when he's needed...its such a blessing. His handsome features are casting perfect shadows in the darkness next to me, and I am completely at peace knowing he is there. I am so blessed...
I make the trip across our townhouse to the other bedroom and check on my Little Diva...she is usually asleep with her little bum up in the air, her face buried in her comforter. I pull it gently from underneath her to make sure she is able to breathe and find her pacifier. I rest it next to her head so she can find it easily if and when she wakes up. Its frustrating, but she still isn't sleeping through the night. I've tried everything, but to no avail.
We will have a few nights here and there where I miraculously get a full night's rest, but for the most part I hear her cries and end up relenting after about 10 or 15 minutes, and give her a bottle to get her back down...after attempting for a week to let her cry it out, I've just figured out that I get more sleep if I give her a bottle when I know she won't go back down on her own...there are those precious nights where I get lucky, she will find her pacifier next to her head where I left it, and lull herself back to sleep again...so I listen and wait...hoping that if I have a late night full of contractions she will surprise me and slumber peacefully.
However, as I pull the comforter out from underneath of her head, I always look down and marvel at her, and remind myself how lucky I am that she is mine.Once upon a time, she was only a dream...an unattainable dream...so was Jeff...and here I am in such a short time getting everything I had prayed for and more.
We may not have a lot of money in the bank, we may not be able to take fancy trips, and we may not be able to buy all the gadgets and gizmos that everyone says we must have...but we have each other...there is a "we"...Its crazy to think that 2 years ago when I was meeting Jeff for the first time I was convinced that it was always just going to be "me"...that I would have to find other ways to make my life fulfilled and happy because marriage and babies just weren't in the cards...Heavenly Father must have been laughing so hard.
The contractions are back...not super strong, I'm not even sure that they're steady, I'm not really timing them...for now my unattainable dream is waiting for Faith's best friend to arrive...thinking that its going to take a miracle and medical intervention to finally bring her here...but, she's coming...she will be a part of the "we"...she will be another perfect little creature to marvel at in the still of the night, another testament of not only my sweet husband's love and devotion, but the love of a wonderful Father in Heaven.
Life gets hard...I've experienced my share of bumpy roads, but if I can testify to anything its this truth: God will always bless us. He loves us. We may not get what we want right away, but if we are patient in our trials and wait for him to reveal our course, in due time we will see brilliant light...our lives will be illuminated.
Try not to be bogged down by what you don't have, you will fail to see the amazing things He is giving you as you read this.
Hugs and loves until next time darlings.