Thoughts on Motherhood and Being a Daughter of Heavenly Parents

I love this girl....

Its hard to believe that she is on the verge of 10 months old. She is getting big so fast. I think that her rapid growth is made even more apparent because I have this girl not so far ahead of her.

I think having 2 babies under the age of 2 really has a way of highlighting just how fast this life really moves.

I have been so grateful for the chance to watch them grow and meet different milestones.

I am so grateful for Phillie, who has met so many milestones early and in a roundabout way, has helped her sister. Phillie's early speech abilities were one of the things that finally got people to agree with me when I said that I just felt like something wasn't right with Faith.

Slowly, but surely, I have been blessed to watch how the love of a sister/best friend for life can transform a person.  Through watching Phillie, Faith has made some HUGE strides recently. She still doesn't say mamma or daddy, but she has learned how to say "uh oh" and, through watching Phillie's ability to be able to get down from her high chair by saying "I'm done,"  Faith has started saying "Dah" (done) and giving the hand gesture that I have been trying for MONTHS to teach her to do.  I know that she learned it from Phillie, because the first time she did it was right after Phillie did it and I was in the middle of taking Phillie down from her high chair. Faith shouted "Dah", did the hand sign, stood up in her high chair, and tried to crawl down all by herself (almost giving me a heart attack as an almost 4 foot drop wouldn't have been pleasant for either of us....we've since learned that we say we're done and WAIT for mamma)

I've also watched Faith in this last week or two spending more time in our world as opposed to "her world"...the place where she doesn't make eye contact with us, doesn't want attention, just wants to be left alone to do her own thing...

We stayed in Idaho Falls with my sister for about half a week and that helped a lot. Faith has started trying to participate when we watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse DVDs. She doesn't say the words, but she will chirp out different vowel sounds. For example, Mickey will say, "Let's count ___________" and proceed to count something. Faith will, right on cue, chirp out "uh, uh, uh" as many times as there are numbers to count. This is also encouraged because Phillie has started to participate with the shows as well. This morning I was gobsmacked when Mickey asked "Do you wanna come to my clubhouse?" and Phillie excitedly shouted "OKAY!"  and then she tried to say "Meeska Mooska Mickey Mouse!" (the magic words to make the clubhouse appear.  Faith giggled the whole time and then tried to get Phillie to count with her when they were counting the muffins that Minnie had made...

It has been so fun to watch as Faith comes out of her shell more and more to spend time with and enjoy her baby sister. I find them doing this a lot lately:

(Of course, they had to turn to look at me taking the picture, but they were happily playing with their wooden block, maze toy thingie...best Christmas present we could have gotten them last year, that is for sure. They LOVE it.)

Faith has also been starting to open up with me a little more as we've been pushing a little bit to get her to to pay attention to the fact that we are in the room with her. I have spent a lot of time on the floor over the last month trying to interact with her and teach her things. I think it may be starting to pay off.

On Friday, as I carried her down the stairs after her morning nap I gave her a kiss. She was looking away from me, off in her own little world. I patted her back and said ,"Hey Faith, I love you. Do you love me?" She never made eye contact once, but she also didn't skip a beat. She leaned in and gave me her first "real" kiss...not one of those ones where her mouth was wide open, but one where she actually puckered her lips and kissed...but as fast as the moment came it was gone. However, I was so grateful for the moment...a moment where I was able to see that she does understand some of what I'm saying to her. It melted my heart, and for the rest of the day I cherished every fleeting moment where she would look up at me and smile, or even just come to sit in my lap while she did her own thing.

Today I have been thinking a lot about our Heavenly Mother...we know that we have one. I have to wonder how often I make her feel like I feel when I'm trying to take care of Faith. How often am I not relying on her and Heavenly Father? How often do I forget them and that they love me and want to talk to me? How often do I stay in my own little world, not realizing or thinking about them there, waiting for me to tell them what I need?

I thought of how I have been handling the hard times with Faith...I know that she is learning. She is just slower than other kids to recognize certain social signals and she does try to communicate, but sometimes she is so frustrated that she is just crying and crying and doesn't remember what she wanted in the first place.  Its at those times that I just pull her in, give her hugs and kisses and try my best to calm the storm.

I think our Heavenly Parents are like us...that's the reason we get the blessing of being parents in this life...so we can understand our calling for the next life.

They remember that we're learning and growing, and hope that we will learn to come to them before we're so frustrated or lost that we don't know where we first needed assistance...

Maybe parenting is a lesson to learn to be more patient with ourselves? Maybe we are blessed with family units here so that we can become more aware of our relationship to God and Heavenly Mother?

I know that as I've thought about it today, I can think of times even in the last week that I should have gone to my Heavenly Parents to communicate and ask for help sooner...and I can think of times that I went to them right away and I was blessed with what I needed...

I hope and pray to be as wonderful a mother to my children as my Heavenly Mother is to me. I'm sure she is there, conversing with Heavenly Father, making sure that we get the love and comfort we need.

A friend of mine once said that maybe the comforting presence of the Holy Ghost is our Heavenly Mother whispering in our ears...

I'm not sure if that is the case, its definitely not scripture, (especially because we know that the Holy Ghost truly is a personage of spirit...)  but it is a nice thought. Its nice to think of our Heavenly Mother bringing us a sense of peace and comfort, as sure as our earthly mother's arms surrounding us in a big hug.

All I know is this: If the smile of me and her other children brings my Heavenly Mother as much joy as the smiles of my girls bring me... I should be making more of an effort to bring those smiles to pass...to bring the comfort and peace and joy to others that our Heavenly Mother cannot physically bring on her own right now as we are in this mortal existence.

I also know that I need to be more patient with myself...as surely as I know my sweet babies are a work in progress and that they are learning all they can, as fast as they can, I can be gentle with myself and remember that I too am a work in progress... if we were supposed to be absolutely perfect in this life, then we wouldn't have needed a Savior.

I am slowly but surely learning how the Atonement truly works as I parent my children...maybe one day, I will have it a little better figured out...

All I can say is that, as I have thought about myself as a daughter of our Heavenly Father and Mother and contemplated how I'm doing...I know that I still have a lot of work to do...but isn't it nice that there is time.

Yes- its fast...too fast...the rapid growth of my two babies only marks that fact even more...but if they have time to learn how to walk, talk, how to read social cues, how to tell right from wrong, and commune with their Savior and Father in Heaven, then I certainly still have enough time to get better at the last few things and try to master them before my time on this earth is done. If they can do hard things like learning how to walk and talk, I can do something like learn how to make my prayers more meaningful and how to forge a relationship with my Heavenly Father...

Something to think about...

Hugs and Loves until next time darlings...