I hate the way my body looks right now...there, I said it.
Its hard to be gentle with yourself after having a baby when you have friends who had babies around the same time and look like they are back to their pre-pregnancy size...I, unfortunately, did NOT win the genetic lottery when it comes to my body shape or metabolism.
I will frankly say that there have been many afternoons and evenings when the girls are settled that I have snuggled up in my husband's arms and sobbed- apologizing that he has a fat wife...
Phillie is 2 months old. I shouldn't feel so badly. I know this in my head, but my subconscious keeps whispering majorly negative thoughts and its hard to say that being 2 months post partum is an excuse...
Its also almost IMPOSSIBLE to work out. In fact, I have a baby in one arm as I am typing this (the other is taking her nap). Between Phillie "hulking" out and wanting to be held because she is bored, and Faith eating anything and everything she can find on the floor (and something is always there no matter how many times I vacuum) I always am on high alert as a mommy. I did start trying to fit in time for my exercise video, but try explaining to a 2 month old that you need a 1 hour time span where she doesn't need something...LOL
I know that nothing is going to change unless I change it. However, being in mommy mode 24/7, its hard to figure out how to implement the changes...in short, I just feel...trapped...trapped in my body and a situation that seems almost impossible to overcome...trapped with NO clothes that fit right and trapped hating what I see when I look in the mirror...
I write about this because A) I need to be held accountable, because I don't believe the situation is as impossible as I'm making myself believe that it is. There has to be a way around it...and I think I may have found it. and B) I'm sure there are other mammas out there that are struggling with the same problem.
How do you find time for yourself and your health when you A) have 2 kids that are small enough that between them your attention has to be focused elsewhere B) only have 1 car so you can't really go anywhere when your husband is gone to work (that includes the work out group that your church has...) C) don't have money for a gym membership and D) are up all night with a baby and just feel like you have NO ENERGY
Well, I decided that I was sick of feeling sorry for myself. I was sick of hating my body. I need to set a better example for my girls. They need to see that you can be beautiful no matter what your shape, that being HEALTHY is the key, and I'm sick of crying to my husband (he is so sweet, but I'm sure he is sick of hearing it and sick of reassuring me that he still finds me attractive and isn't embarrassed to be seen with me....he just is too sweet to say it...)
I set to Pinterest in my free time to try to find a workout routine that A) wouldn't require me to buy a gym membership or a lot of home work out equipment and B) could be fit in at intervals during the day when I can find 10 or so minutes where no one is crying and my house is in reasonable order.
I found 1 great pin (forgot to repin it because I closed the window after I finished reading it.) It basically said that if you make a few small changes, you can lose 10 pounds in a month. It had a list of 72 changes you could make...one of them was making sure you had more than enough water in your diet...so that is my first new goal. I need to start getting better about drinking water. Its been more tricky than I thought it would be. I barely have enough time to remember to feed myself lunch, let alone keep track of how much water I've been drinking...
but I have decided that excuses are for losers:
Today is the day that I vow to be more aware of my water intake.
It also suggested replacing 1 of your sugary snacks (like a "healthy" granola bar) with something healthy like vegetables or fresh fruits. So that is part of my next goal:
I vow to be more aware of what food I am putting into my body and to be more vigilant at making sure I get enough fruits and veg in during the day.
My last goal is to find ways to work out. Again, Pinterest didn't fail to come through. I found this pin that has a list of exercises that can be done throughout the day. There is a new list of goals for every day of the week. The blog I got it from suggests that you can either split up the exercises throughout the day, or try to do them all at once. My goal is to try to do each list at least twice throughout the day; however, after today, I'm thinking I will have to work my way up to that. For now, my goal is to do the whole list once, and, after its done, and I find myself sitting nothing throughout the day, to do sets of the exercises while I've got time. This way I can burn more calories during the day and am sure to get in enough exercise to encourage weight loss:
Here is a picture of the Sunday regime, but the rest of the week can be found HERE.
I know that in order to change my outlook, I need to change me. I need to prove to myself that I can make a change to help me to change my situation....even if that change is small and not what I had hoped to be able to accomplish (curse me and my need to be an over achiever!).
So...any other mamma's out there eager to join me? I'd love to start a Facebook group for us so we can share how we're doing with our goals and how we're feeling emotionally about ourselves (good and bad). :) I think it helps to have support. I'm not one who enjoys a work out class (I had a horrible experience in high school...I will elaborate in my next post about getting into shape), I usually am driven enough to work out on my own, but it always helps to have someone to talk to about it and share/commiserate with. Tell me what you think mammas!
Hugs and loves until next time darlings!