Pregnant in America...

So, today I did it...

While my daughter was taking a nap, I forced myself to sit through the documentary Pregnant in America. I tried to watch it while I was pregnant with Faith, as many of my friends highly recommended that I needed to in order to "educate" myself...and I just couldn't get through it...

I guess, because I have a sister who is a Labor and Delivery nurse and I know that there is another side to the story, I was immediately able to see how incredibly one-sided and biased it was and it just made me mad. I wasn't interested in THAT kind of education- the kind where they only give one point of view and hammer how right their point of view is...I'm always a big fan of information, don't get me wrong, but I've also always been the kind of person that likes to see both sides of the coin before I make a decision and flip it...

However, with this pregnancy I've also joined a pregnancy forum online to get a little extra support since my family is so far away, and I can't always reach them if I've had a tough day or a question, and I've noticed a lot of stuff that I've found alarming...stuff that made me want to try to watch the documentary just because I wanted to see if I noticed the same attitudes in the people interviewed...

and I have confirmed the existence of what I see to be an alarming trend... the trend of being overly judgmental and close-minded.

Since joining this forum, I've been able to answer questions of first time moms and have other more experienced moms answer mine. I often find myself bothered by some responses. Sometimes a question posed with genuine concern or curiosity becomes a platform for people to be very negative and belittle one another's decisions when it comes to labor and delivery... the negative comments generally end in fights between people and the help that someone came for goes right out the window!

Call me crazy, but if people are asking for support the last thing they need to hear is that you personally believe they or their doctors are stupid for the decisions they are making...in fact, in many cases people are asking for the input of others that have experienced the same thing and they get answers from people that have never experienced it, but because they have watched this documentary or read that book they think they have all the answers and that they are ALWAYS right, even if someone that has experienced it tells them that a scenario in a book or statistic in a documentary isn't always true for everyone...

For example, say "Abby" posts a question because her doctor has scheduled an induction for her at 39 weeks because the doctor is afraid that her baby is too big. Its her first baby, and she wants to know what to expect when it comes to the induction. Instead of getting responses of insight and encouragement from people that have been through it, she has to read through response after response telling her not to have the induction and that her doctor is a loon for inducing her before she is full term or late, they haven't asked for any background information- or how the conclusion of "the baby may be too big" was come to- they rail into her and tell her that she will be sorry for ever listening to that "quack"... I'm all for education, and I know that some people genuinely aren't aware that they have the right to refuse a procedure, the doctor can only suggest it and yes, ultrasounds are not always right- but if this person has clearly weighed all their options and feels that they can trust their doctor, why would you belittle them? Are you sitting in the doctor's office with "Abby" hearing all the test results? Are you in their head as they weigh the options and come to the conclusion that this is best? Why is it right to jump to conclusions and attack her without knowing the whole story?

If you've read my current blogs, you know that I was just diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes.  The high risk doctor that takes care of my ultra sounds was the one that broke the news of my diagnosis and explained that, while my baby was measuring fine weight wise they had checked the circumference of her belly and it was a bit large ( I guess the extra sugars baby doesn't use end up stored in the liver.) Because of GD, the circumference of the belly can end up being bigger than the head, and, if unmonitored, can become a huge issue and cause need for a C-section because, while the head may fit, the belly won't. In many cases, they opt to induce if that circumference hits a certain point so that mom has a chance to deliver vaginally.

I posted a question about this scenario. I basically asked if anyone with experience could tell me if they would allow me to have skin to skin contact right away or if baby would need to go back to the nursery to be assessed, things like that...instead of getting the knowledge I asked for, I was inundated with responses telling me that I shouldn't let them induce me early. That the ultrasound scans are ALWAYS wrong, and things like ,"I've had a 10 lbs baby vaginally. They are just trying to scare you into the induction."  and other things about how evil doctors and hospitals are...

Let's just say, I didn't even give responses to people and deleted the question. I opted to wait until I could get a hold of my awesome L&D nurse sister to answer them.

If I had left a response to some of these women, it would have gone something like this:

A) I know that early inductions aren't always the best idea, but if they are medically necessary and there is genuine concern, I would rather be safe than sorry. I know well enough that I can honestly say that I wouldn't even be considering it if GD wasn't an issue and if my health and my baby's health weren't at stake. Yes, measurements can be wrong, but when it comes to MY babies, I would rather be safe than sorry.

B) I have been through an induction of sorts when my water broke at 36 weeks and my contractions wouldn't regulate themselves. I know first hand that they aren't ideal, I also know that in 20-30% of cases they end in C-Section- I was an hour away from a C-Section with my first baby...I get it, but, would I do it again and risk it in order to get my baby here safely- you bet your bottom dollar I would!

C) They were concerned with my last birth that baby's head was too big to fit through my pelvis and that could have been what was causing my slow progress...if my MIDWIFE was concerned about that, a woman who will utilize every natural method she can, I think its pretty safe to say that I would believe a high risk doctor who has specialized in tricky pregnancies about his concerns.

I would also reiterate to them that they weren't sitting with me in the ultrasound room talking to Dr. Huang. He never sounded like he was going to force me into anything. In fact, he made it very clear that he was just preparing me for one of the worse case scenarios. For all we know, we could go to the 36 week ultrasound and have baby's belly remeasured and they could decide that I will be fine to go into labor naturally...not all doctors want babies born on their schedule... or, they could tell me that they want to schedule a C-section right away...of course, in that situation there would be lots of careful prayer, study and contemplation that would occur before I would allow them to schedule the procedure...but I would make sure that no matter what, the choice was mine...

Many of the Debbie Downers cited "Pregnant in America" and "The Business of Being Born" as resources I should use to educate myself about the "realities" of hospital birth...telling me how stupid I was for allowing the doctor to get me to jump to the conclusion of induction...mind you, they never tried to answer my real question about whether or not, in their experience with GD, my wish of skin to skin contact and breast feeding right away would be possible in the case of a vaginal delivery...they saw the words "early" and "induction" and I was automatically a stupid person who needed to be educated...

So, why do I stay a member of the forum? I stay a member because there have been times where I have gotten valuable advice from people, and there have been times where I have been able to help  someone who is genuinely confused and not getting the answers they are looking for...I stay because, while it seems like fewer and fewer women are choosing to be non-judgmental of other's choices, there are still a few out there that show genuine love and concern for their sisters in arms and are ready to help with encouragement, support and honest,tactful, knowledgeable answers.

So, I decided I needed to give "Pregnant in America" another whirl...  It was just as biased as I remembered, but it also spouted some ideals that made me sad for the people who were eating up every word...It almost seemed like the women, midwives,  and "experts" that they interviewed weren't just trying to sell the idea that western medicine is evil and bad and doctors shouldn't be trusted at all, and that nurses are always just there to help the bottom line of the hospital that has been turned into a big business (which is really what it seemed like to me.); it also seemed like many of them were saying that women who opted for inductions and epidurals were mindless sheep who were trying to take the "easy" and streamlined way out of pregnancy... that in having a trust for certain western medical procedures we were degrading ourselves and becoming less brave...

I get that with any medical procedure there are risks, and, as an example, Pregnant in America wasn't shy about the scrolling list of possible side effects of an epidural- no matter how remote they may be... but I also believe there are some benefits to western medicine and being open to it. Every coin has 2 sides, remember?

Many people said over and over again in the documentary that women have been giving birth for millions of years without the aid of western medicine and doctors, and that is just how it should be...Well, without western medicine, how many more stillbirths were there even 100 years ago? how many more women died in the valiant efforts to bring their baby into the world...? Western medical advances have been able to give women the miracle of being able to see and monitor the growth of their baby while at the same time being able to monitor their own health more closely. Conditions such as Gestational Diabetes and Pre-Eclampsia that took the lives of countless women and babies in times past are now detectable and treatable! How lucky are we? I'm sure if our pioneer women ancestors had been given the opportunity to see and monitor their baby closely during pregnancy, they would have eagerly taken it.

In my estimation, as fatality rates of women and babies have decreased thanks to western medicine, we should be grateful that it is there as an option- we don't necessarily have to take it (to each their own and all that) but its there and I believe that it is a blessing from God!

Of course, when it comes to western medicine, there are always going to be exceptions to the rule and horror stories, but, when it comes to homebirth and birthing center births, I'm sure my Labor and Delivery sister nurse could probably shock people with the rates and tales of homebirths gone wrong that she has seen after they've been rushed to the hospital she used to work at (she now works at a different hospital where they don't transport emergency birth situation). She could also tell you of lives that have been lost or narrowly saved after a birth gone wrong in a birthing center that was finally referred to a hospital for care and treatment- stories of women and babies that could have been saved if they hadn't had to wait for an ambulance to get them to the hospital or other transport... the reality is this: planned home birth has an infant mortality rate that is triple that of hospital birth according to THIS study...and there is even THIS website where women go to post stories of home births and birthing center births gone awry...

I've also had my spine crawl hearing stories about midwives in birthing centers or watching a home birth who refused to call for help because they don't like doctors and ended up losing a patient or their baby...In fact, there is a birthing center close to my home town (well, not super close, about 5 hours away in a much bigger city)  that was recently closed down when the state and the medical board received complaints from people dealing with huge medical bills because of complications that occurred to the mother or the baby when the midwife refused to call for help, or because of the death of the mother or child because, again, they refused help from doctors or waited too long and only asked for help when people attending the birth insisted or called 911 on their own...http://www.ksl.com/?sid=20218877&nid=201&title=idaho-case-shows-midwife-tension-with-hospitals&s_cid=queue-10


Its birth, your body goes through more pain than it should be able to endure to bring a baby into the world. Nothing is 100% foolproof, and things don't always go the way you want them to...accidents happen, dangers occur, but when you make your choices you accept the possible consequences of those choices, good or bad. My point in sharing these is NOT to downgrade or diminish the home birth or birthing center experience. I have friends that have done both and were thrilled...my point is that there are statistics that show the bad both ways, unfortunately, today it just seems like one side is getting louder than the other and more and more people are just listening to the louder side and judging those that aren't listening and agreeing with them.

I delivered with a midwife during my first birth experience, and she was WONDERFUL. I wanted to try to be all natural, I had that idea in my head too, the idea that women were built to give birth and I wanted to try to do it all natural without any drugs of any kind- I wouldn't have changed a thing. I even asked her if she did homebirths. I didn't think I would opt for one, but I was eager for her knowledge.. she said that, after her 20 something years of experience, she would NEVER encourage a home birth, she would only deliver at the hospital because there were just one too many things that could go wrong that she wouldn't be equipped to handle. That is why she had delivery rights at a hospital and worked with a doctor in case something went wrong.

Not all midwives feel that way, and that is great, because women that want a homebirth need options too. But I was grateful that she felt that way. I felt the desire to be at the hospital should anything go wrong.  I was so grateful for her and her attitude!  I was grateful to work with somoene who was on the same page as me and was more concerned about my well-being and my baby's than her one experience at one time with a doctor who didn't appreciate the assistance of a midwife...To her, western medicine wasn't evil, it was a tool she could use to foster a healthy and safe birth experience for me and my baby.  Like I said, I was close to a C-Section with my first baby, and if I'd been at home or in a birthing center, I hate to think how scary it would have been to wait for transport and pray that everything would be okay.

I think about would have happened if I would have been having my baby before the invention of Pitocin, a pioneer on the trail somewhere...I could have died, but more importantly, Faith almost certainly would have. I labored for 4 days before my amniotic fluid started leaking, and once it started leaking the contractions would not regulate themselves. Without antibiotics to keep me and my baby safe from infection and without the Pitocin to get my contractions to regulate, Faith would have almost certainly been stillborn by the time I delivered, either from an infection, or lack of oxygen because I would have been in labor for a long, LONG time...

Am I less of a woman because I allowed my midwife to order the Pitocin? Am I less brave because after 10-12 hours of saying no to the epidural I finally gave in because I needed relief?  The epidural saved me from a C-section! I know my experience isn't typical and my savior could be someone else's destroyer, but, in my case, because of the epidural, they could place an internal contraction monitor and discovered that my contractions were actually too hard to cause any change. They were able to change the dose to make my labor more effective and help move baby down into position...because of the epidural I was able to sleep for the first time in 4 days so that I could be prepared to push the next morning when the time came...

I still soldiered through my labor just like any other woman who does it natural all the way. I still felt pain, and in the end, I still became a mother. Kudos to those women who have cooperative bodies and fortitude to make it without, but I don't think I'm less of a woman or less brave for allowing western medicine to intervene to make my delivery safer for me and my baby.

Now, I know that the documentary I watched wasn't telling all lies- there are some doctors out there that will encourage early inductions and C-sections...but, if you know your patient's rights, you will know you can refuse a procedure and if they won't comply, you can always find another doctor...its as simple as that.  However, if there is a genuine concern, does it hurt to hear the doctor's opinion, do some research and possibly ask for a second opinion?

Also, let's be honest, the last few weeks of pregnancy SUCK- how many doctors have changed their policies because they have so many women come through the practice that BEG for inductions, to have their membranes stripped, and even people that insist on selective C-Section because they don't want to go through the pain of contractions...to be a doctor is to be in the business of customer service in a way. I can honestly say, from reading question after question from first time mothers in the pregnancy forum that I am a member of, that many women just don't understand how dangerous begging for ways to naturally induce at home at 35 or 36 weeks can be...mostly because they just hear the "no" when they ask their doctor to do it and don't listen to the reasons why.  Until they experience it, they don't understand...but isn't that the way everything is?

I guess my point of this rant is this: Its great to be educated and hear different opinions, but when did it become okay to lose courtesy and respect for the power of other people to make their own decisions? When did it become okay to belittle people and tell them they are stupid because they don't share your point of view?

When it comes to babies and childbirth, when did it become okay to think that you're superior because your body cooperated for you to do something when someone else's didn't?

Of course, I've shared my knowledge with first time moms who haven't got a clue that an induction at 35 or 36 weeks gestation isn't going to happen unless there is a medical necessity and why. But I never NEVER would belittle them for how they are feeling.  It sucks, they are sick, they are miserable and they just want it to be over...the last thing they need is someone calling them profane names, and being unkind.  They need support and to know that they aren't alone.

We need our sisterhood back.  We need to stop judging each other when it comes to the decisions we make when it comes to how we bring our baby into this world. We aren't into each others' bodies...my miserable at 38 weeks may be the miserable for someone else at 32 weeks... My truth may not be the same as someone else's.  When someone asks a question, instead of jumping to conclusions, we need to be willing to ask questions in return to understand a situation fully before giving a hasty answer.

Yes, there are times to be blunt. If you hear something that makes you concerned, then you should mention TACTFULLY what exactly concerns you about a situation.  We need to be willing to educate one another in a loving way...

More importantly, as mothers and mothers to be, we need to be willing to recognize that no matter how they finally end up in the world, being pregnant and having a baby are both hard work...Just because one person opts for a C-section or an induction doesn't mean they are taking the easy way out and birthing in a birthing center or at home does NOT mean someone is kooky.  We all have agency, we all have a right to make those choices for ourselves. We should be supportive of those choices when options have been weighed and someone has decided that one way is better for them than another and that they are prepared to deal with the consequences of that decision.

In short- loving and supporting each other is way more important than fighting to prove that you are right and someone else is wrong. Just remember, every decision has pros and cons. We don't always have to agree, but we should always be willing to hear the other side and agree to disagree.

Hugs and loves until next time darlings.