Its so funny to think how quickly life changes. I have been sitting here reminiscing and it baffles me. When people used to tell me that life changes quickly I used to get really frustrated with them and think-"Maybe for you..." At this time last year, I had been dating Jeff for a few weeks. Things seemed to be going well, if you would have told me on this day last year that Jeff was going to be proposing to me in exactly a week I would have laughed at you and told you that you were taking crazy pills. Jeff had me fully convinced that he wasn't looking to get married anytime soon, and as far as I was concerned, I was over the hill- a factory reject- and that I was never going to know what it was like to be married because nobody would want me. If you would have also said,
"Not only are you getting engaged next week- but by this time next year you will be having a baby."
I likely would have called State Hospital South in Blackfoot to see if they were missing a patient.
I think I've come to a conclusion- when we are willing to be content with life the way that it is and accept it for all its beauties, and intricacies- when we stop thinking "woe is me" as we wish for what others around us have- that is when life changes so quickly.
Is it God? Maybe- atleast in my case I believe it was. I believe that I had a major lesson to learn in patience, I also believe that I had to learn to love myself and my life for what it was instead of continuing to wish that I fit into a mold that other people created for me. I needed to accept myself and finally allow myself to believe that maybe- just maybe- I could be enough for me and the rest would work itself out.
I looked at the calendar today and realized I was a week away from the 1 year anniversary of my engagement and I thought, "Maybe I should plan something sneaky." But then, I realized the irony of life...
I got engaged when I should have been in my evening class. Instead I decided to take a walk with Jeff, he proposed, and we ended up driving to Idaho Falls to announce it to my family...
Here's the ironic part- on the 1 year anniversary of our engagement next week JEFF is the one who has a night class...and as its his last semester I don't think I could dream up a scheme that would get him to skip it (well I could...but it would likely involve me faking labor pains and freaking him out and I'm not that cruel...LOL)
I am so abundantly blessed. I have an amazing family...they are infuriating at times and confusing- but they're mine, and I love them and I have this amazing, amazing man who has swooped in and changed everything.
As I'm sitting here reminiscing a song comes to mind...a song I sang at my last recital at UM. Its an old, old Broadway classic that is more often performed now as a jazz standard. The major gist of the song is that life is crazy and everyone worries so much about stupid stuff that really doesn't matter. The last line of the song says "battles exciting and fates we're fighting until the curtain falls, Life's a very funny proposition after all." What if we all stopped worrying so much about what we don't have yet and focus on what we do have? What if we all could look at our life and instead of fighting battles, we decided to celebrate and embrace what is yet to come.
there is another line in the song that says, "today may be a day of smiles, tomorrow's still in doubt and what brings me joy may bring you care and woe." this is deep- well to me it is, since I didn't really get it until now- every situation in life is what you make it. You choose how to act and react. It often used to amaze me that people could take the horrible hands they've been dealt in the game of life and turn them into something positive...I've watched people lose loved ones and instead of thinking, "woe is me" they focus on the positive aspects of the loss- they move along and instead of trying to make sense of things they can't make sense of- they try to make lemons out of lemonade.
I spent a lot of time in my early 20's with a whole bunch of lemons- don't get me wrong, I was always trying to be positive- but I let myself get bogged down and because of that I wonder how many of the quick changes that life brings totally went over my head.
Life is a funny proposition- its funny if you haven't figured out that you are the captain of your ship and you decide where you're going.
My life changed course quickly as soon as I realized that- and I couldn't picture it any other way.
A year ago today my life was one week away from major upheaval and change and I wasn't even aware of it. I was just working to get through school and try to do what I believed I needed to do to make my life as happy and fulfilled as possible with my given circumstances...
Once I was willing to steer my life and stop waiting to be given a handout I steered myself right into the blessings I had been waiting for.
Thank God for life and all its craziness. Thank God for the wonderful experiences I've had. Thank God for the crazy twists and turns that are still yet to come- and most of all Thank God for the people I get to share those crazy twists and turns with.
If you're having a hard time darlings- please have faith. Know that you are loved and being looked out for. Know that you don't ever have to be alone. Make the choice to embrace the beautiful parts of your life and do your best to overlook the bad- a negative experience can always be turned into a positive change.
Thank you Jeffry Nielson for asking me to marry you. We aren't quite to the 1 year anniversary of that day yet, but as I sit here I think of how blessed I am because you made that decision and to be honest, I couldn't picture my life any other way. You make it beautiful, wonderful, and exciting.
Hugs and loves until next time darlings!