I don't know what it is...but I have officially become a big cry baby.
I wish I could put my finger on it. I've never been much of an emotional person. Usually, I try to reserve any feelings that I'm having for the cathartic effect of music...
you know...purging yourself of excess emotions through art to create a balance in your life?
I was always pretty balanced.
Then I met Jeff...
Let's just say, I must have more emotions than my art can deal with.
I think about Jeff, and how much I love him- I vocalize it, and then the waterworks turn on.
I know it has to be a good thing in some ways. My heart is just so full that it can't help but bubble over. All I have to do is think about how blessed I am to have him in my life and I get warm from head to toe, and I find myself choking back the tears that will inevitably win.
I never thought it would be possible to love someone this much. I never thought I would ever find someone who could break down that wall that I built...
You know, that wall that we build as we start to become jaded and cynical...
It baffles me how much he loves me. It baffles me even more how much I love him. I am astounded at the way my emotions consume my entire body. I lose composure...and the funny thing is, he still loves me.
Even when I am a wet sloppy mess, crying over something silly like how much I love him and how happy I am...he just holds me, laughs a little bit to himself, and tells me that he loves me too, very very much.
So...here are a few things that I have learned about my husband in this first month that we've been married (it will be a month on Monday, which is so crazy!) and oddly enough, these things make him even more endearing.
1) He is brilliant- I already knew this, however, he has taken it one step further. He has decided he wants to take on a project converting our car into a hydrogen/gas engine hybrid. Meaning that part of the time, our car would run on water...that's right...water...in fact, he spent the whole morning figuring out math equations to find out the best frequency to try to set his hydrogen engine to when he builds it. When he asked if he could take on this project I couldn't help but smile and get all warm inside from head to toe and love him even more...My man is going to change the world- mark my words...he will.
2) When he plays video games he turns off the X Box without me even having to ask just because he thinks I might need help.
3) He has awesome snuggle shoulders to fall asleep on at night.
4) He prefers me without makeup...this one still baffles me...I think I look like a scary mess without it, but he just tells me over and over again that I'm so beautiful I don't need it.
5) He sneaks his head in the shower curtain to kiss me when I'm singing in the shower.
6) He is super supportive of me (which in turn makes me want to do everything I can to be super supportive of him.)
7) He will literally drop everything (literally like drop arm fulls of stuff) to grab me, hug me and tell me how amazing I am.
8) When he found out the stocking was my favorite part of Christmas, he got into the Christmas spirit and we drove all over town looking for something that he wanted to put into my stocking...and daily since he has told me how excited he is for me to see what he got.
9) He lets me win at Racquetball...until I tell him to stop going easy on me, then he kicks my butt.
10) He is random (like me)...last night, had we found the necessary tools, he would have taken me ice blocking since Idaho is lacking in the snow department...apparently stores don't sell ice blocks during the winter...go figure...
There are plenty of other reasons to love him. I honestly feel like I landed the jackpot. To all my single friends out there all I can say is don't be afraid to be alone...I think when you finally accept and love your life for all its intricacies and random happenstances is when you finally send a signal to the world that you are ready for something more.
If I found the perfect man- and I'm pretty darn sure I did- then I know you can...because everyone is different, which means that there are millions of different perfect men out there. To my married friends out there, I challenge you to come up with 10 reasons that you love your husband every day- when you do it, you start to see how perfect for you he really is and always has been.
This is one lucky diva. (Wait...blessed...Jeff reminds me all the time that luck had nothing to do with me finding him...well, if its not luck, then he is definitely a gift from an amazing and loving God who knows just what we need and when the time is right.)
hugs and loves until next time darlings!