Saturday, November 6, 2010

A Slight Trip into Panic

Well, I woke up this morning and turned on my computer.

Jeff, being a techno wiz designed a program with Visual Basic that tells us how many days, hours, minutes, and seconds until we get married. He was sneaky and begged me to bring my computer over to him so he could do something. I thought, okay, he wants to take it to campus and set it up for internet. I brought it, he pulled out his jump drive, and then began working, blocking the screen from my view.

He finally let me see about 5 minutes later. I giggled when I saw the little time ticker ticking away on my screen. He then told me that he wasn't sure what would happen when the time ticker got all the way to zero. "It may crash your computer, but don't worry, I can fix it." Hearing that his little program, adorable as it was, could crash my computer was slightly disconcerting, but I have no doubts in his ability to fix it so I will continue to let it tick down...

Which brings me back to this morning. Like I said, I woke up this morning, looked at the screen when everything was loaded and had a slight trip into the land of panic. The words 14 days, 3 hours, 3 minutes and 30 seconds seemed to burn themselves into my cerebellum...

2 weeks! I'm getting married in 2 weeks!

My mind immediately went to all the work that still needs to be done for the wedding. I thought of the nightmare of going to Sam's Club to get the Italian Soda syrup (we're having an Italian Cream Soda bar at our reception and open house) and finding that there is no syrup to be found...I thought of going to the party store Zurchers' and finding that the M&Ms that we were going to buy for cheaper there are no longer there (or atleast not in our wedding colors) I thought of what would happen if Jeff's mom doesn't bring the dress here in time so I can take it to Margene's to get pressed before the wedding (she has been a total sweetheart, working feverishly to get it altered perfectly, I am seriously so grateful for her.). I thought of what would happen if the crew of happy helpers that I have been promised when it comes to decorating doesn't show up and then the decorator asks me for a check for $450 instead of $250...the list goes on...

Have you noticed that I tend to worry?

I'm a very positive person, but when it comes to important events, I have a tendency to always think of the worst possible case scenario. I think part of me does this so that, in the case that the worst possible case occurs, I will be ready and there will be less of an emotional outburst...

But, as all of these thoughts were bouncing around in my head, my neighbors turned on music. You'd think with brick walls I wouldn't be able to hear their music when they turn it on, but I always do. And it always goes on at 10:30 in the morning on the dot. I wonder if one of the girls has an alarm that does it?

Anywhoo...the music turns on and its Michael Buble's Crazy Love album that comes bursting forth through my wall. The song "All I do is Dream of You" comes on. I'm immediately back in my car last night. I turned my i pod on to blasting levels in my car and listened to that album, that song, and thought of Jeff. I found myself thinking of Jeff, I thought of what he would tell me while I was on my little trip down panic lane...and I realized something...

He, even in my thoughts, can calm the troubled waters.

He would say something to the effect of "Brittany, is it really going to matter in the grand scheme of things?" he would wait for me to respond, I would think about it and say something to the effect of, "No. It won't." Then he would say something like, "No, it won't. Because on that day, all we will care about is that we are together. The rest won't matter at all."

and he would be right.

So what if we get to Sam's and find the syrup is sold out. We would probably just go to every grocery store in town and buy all the syrup we could from them...or just forgo the Italian Cream Soda all together. While they would be delicious, I'm sure that no one will notice the difference or care. So what if the M&Ms in our wedding colors are gone, we will find a substitute. So what if our crew of happy decorating helpers fails to show, I know that I have 4 bridesmaids and family that will be there making sure that everything will be done and perfect...and if the decorator asks for a larger check, I guess she asks for a larger check, we will make it work somehow. If my dress doesn't get pressed, it doesn't matter much. Its still a beautiful dress, and I am still a beautiful woman. The clothes don't make me fabulous, I make me fabulous...because I just am fabulous.

What it all comes down to is this...I am now super excited to say that in 14 days, 2 hours 37 minutes and 47 seconds I will be Mrs. Jeffry Nielson. In 14 days and 2 hours I will be marrying the most amazing person on the planet. A man who reminds me every day how special and amazing I am, a man who wouldn't change a thing about me (and has told me so.) I know that some people have said that we aren't living together yet, so maybe he would want to change something after a year or so together, and some people have said that their love has grown innumerably and immeasurably since they've been married. I tend to agree with the latter. I see Jeff's faults and he sees mine, but what it comes down to is the faults, the things that are wonderful, the things that are exciting and unexciting are what make us who we are...and I wouldn't want Jeff any other way. Everything that is the sum of him, everything that makes him, him, is what I love.

Yesterday was his birthday. I wanted to make the day special and fun but of course I had to be super sick. Jeff forced me to lie in bed and he took care of me. I cried several times yesterday because I felt horrible. I love him so much that I wanted his birthday to be one of the best days ever. One time while I was crying, he asked me if I knew the story of the Gift of the Maggi. I told him yes, it happens to be one of my favorite Christmas stories.

A young man and young woman newly married are about to celebrate Christmas. Both have worked tirelessly to buy the perfect Christmas present. The young man wants to buy a beautiful comb at a jewelery store for his sweetheart to wear in her hair, and the young woman wants to buy him a gold chain so he can display a beautiful gold watch that he inherited from his grandfather. Christmas morning rolls around, and they come together after working to exchange their gifts. They haven't seen eachother since the previous morning. The young man opens his box and sees the gold chain. His sweetheart tells him its for his watch. He gets a sad look on his face, but the young woman doesn't see as she opens her gift. She softly strokes the beautiful comb and tears come to her eyes. She looks up and sees the tears in her handsome loves eyes as well. He confesses that he sold the watch to buy her comb because he hadn't made enough money. The young woman takes off her bonnet and sobs as she shows him that she had cut off all her beautiful hair and explains that she sold it to buy the gold chain because she too hadn't made enough money. In the end, they discover that their love for eachother is the best gift they could have received and all that matters is that they are together.

After I finished recounting the story to Jeff, I got his point. He didn't care if he got to do something amazing or cool for his birthday. In his mind, it was enough that we were together...I still felt bad, but I also felt so much love that all I could do was cry a little more and tell him how much I loved him.

I finally convinced him to go to his Robotics Club party. He had asked that we go for his birthday but I wasn't feeling up to it at all. He wasn't going to go, but once again I cried and begged him to go because it had been the one thing he had asked for, I wanted him to have it, and I could take care of myself for a few hours. He hesitantly left, but told me to text him if he wasn't back in an hour because he was worried he would get carried away (they were going to play Halo:Reach and he hadn't played XBOX since before his mission three years ago.) He left, I watched reruns of Glee and Family Guy on Youtube. I texted at 9:15 ( I gave him an hour and a half) and he texted back begging for more time. I texted back and immediately said that he could stay. I wanted him to have fun, and he did. I'm so glad. He came back at 10. We started watching The Emperor's New Groove, but I fell asleep. I woke up around 10:45 and Jeff wasn't lying there watching the movie. He had covered me and left me to sleep. He came back in the room as I was grabbing my shoes. He offered to let me have the bed, he was worried about me driving home in my sick and tired state, but I insisted. I left around 11(after struggling to leave. Jeff even pulled my Uggs off at one point and laid me in the bed and covered me up...but I managed to get up and get my shoes on again.)

Jeff told me to call him once I got home or he would come get me and force me back into bed. I laughed, kissed him and agreed to call. I got home called him, and was dead to the world...

Which brings me back to this morning...I was so silly to take a trip into Panic land...Why should I panic when I know that I am marrying the most amazing man on the planet...

I know...silly old Brittany.

Hugs and loves until next time darlings.

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