And they lived Happily Ever After

Growing up, I admit it, I was a sucker for fairy tales.

I always was fascinated with the idea of happily ever after. I wanted to know what it was like. As I got older, I think I started to get a little jaded (big shocker, right?) I even wrote a college paper on how Disney sets little girls up for heartbreak with their notions of "happily ever after," pointing out that my favorite Disney Princess as a child Aurora, of Sleeping Beauty fame, was the tender age of 16 when she finally met and fell in love with Prince Philip...

I had been through a string of relationships, some ending in major heartbreak, and I watched other friends and family members meet and fall in love with wonderful people. I began to believe that perhaps happily ever after did exist...it just didn't exist for me.

This was a painful bitter pill to swallow. Part of me yearned for my five year old self. I wished she could be there for me, I wished she could, with all the wonderment of childhood, assure me that YES happily ever after would come. I grieved for her, I grieved for a childhood full of what I thought would be wasted dreams...

and then it was my turn...out of the blue, and unexpectedly.

So, I'm sure everyone is expecting me to blog about my wedding, and believe me, I really wish I could...but I can't.


How can you describe the most perfect day ever?

Well, I guess it wasn't so perfect, I was so stressed in the morning that I was near tears until I reached the temple...

I had people commenting on how composed I was- couldn't they see that I was a wreck?

Jeff knew...and my best friend Erica knew.

Since I couldn't really kidnap Jeff and take him with me to the hair dresser, I kidnapped Erica, and she stayed with me, and tried to keep me calm.

Perhaps there was extra irritation because mother nature decided to dump about 6 inches of snow on us...and I hadn't really planned for indoor pictures...

Perhaps there was extra irritation because I was worried about making it to the temple on time and we literally had to go between 15 and 25 miles per hour the whole way across town to get there...

Perhaps I was a little frazzled because I was worried about friends and family making the long journey from Utah and other places far away...

To say the least I was stressed. I drove to the temple and the whole way Jeff asked, "Are you sure you don't want me to drive?"

Bless his heart for asking, but I needed something to get my mind off of the stress (even if that something was fear of death on icy and snow covered roads...)

However, once we reached the temple and walked inside the stress started to alleviate...there were a few mix ups when I got back in the dressing room, they were changing workers in the women's dressing room and the new shift did things slightly different from the old shift- they were transitioning...I swear I walked back and forth between two dressing spaces atleast 10 times...but then, when I was finally dressed and ready to go, they led me into the hall and I got to sit with Jeff and wait.

He was super nervous, but had been putting up a very good brave front for everyone. Sister Conrad, my escort around the temple that day, came to me and said, "Either he is one of the calmest grooms I have ever seen, or he is really good at hiding his nerves." I laughed and assured her that I knew he was nervous.

We went through an initial ceremony that pertains to sacred covenants and rites performed in the temple only and had a chance to sit in the celestial room and wait to be sealed.

Jeff held me so tight I almost couldn't breathe. I kissed him on the cheek, scratched his back and let him, who cared if my lips were turning blue from lack of oxygen, I just wanted to be near him. I said a few things here and there to make him laugh. He needed to laugh...the nerves were almost more than he could bear, but he did say, in spite of his nerves, he had never been more sure of anything in his life....this calmed my nerves...part of me was still waiting for him to run screaming for the hills. I told him he could if he wanted, he laughed and said, "I'll only do that if I can take you with me."

My heart was so full I was once again near tears, but this time they would be good tears- tears of joy, love, happiness...it may be blistering cold and snowing outside, but inside I was warm and felt peace.

Our sealer came to talk to us. He cracked a few jokes to make us laugh before we went into the sealing room.

We were led into the sealing room, it was almost completely full. I was shocked. With the weather, I was certain that 74 seats would be about 60 seats too many. I guess it just goes to show how much we are loved. Seeing the smiles on the faces of our friends and family brought me near tears again. I choked up and tried to breathe slowly. I didn't want to cry, part of me thought it would be cheesy, but then there was the other part of me, the part that was so full, brimming over with love, the part that was holding Jeff's hand and gazing up into his big blue eyes...I managed to hold them back...for a while anyway...

Jeff led me to the alter when we were called...I was maintaining composure very well until...he said yes...that word resounded through my soul. I was trying to put my head around the fact that he wanted to be with me just as much as I wanted to be with him. It should not have been much of a revelation, we'd only been planning a wedding and talking about how much we love eachother every day leading up to this point, but this "yes" had a sense of finality to it...I knew that my happily ever after was about to begin. As I struggled to hold back tears I realized the sealer was talking to me...OH CRAP! Where was he? Was I supposed to say yes yet? Was it my turn to seal the deal? My attention had shifted to the "OH CRAP" moment, and the tears began to flow freely.

Never fear, I was able to catch up and figure out where we were...and I said "yes" at my appointed time and turn.

We kissed over the alter and POOF I was a married woman, Jeff was a married man, and all the planning that we had done leading up to this point all of a sudden seemed insignificant. All that mattered at that moment is that we belong to eachother forever.

Of course...walking into the luncheon/reception spot and seeing This didn't hurt:
The reception was a blast...putting aside that it was my reception, it was the best one I've ever been to. We had a bartender giving out individually made Italian Cream Sodas to order, delicious cupcakes, and a crazy DJ who made everyone laugh as he went from song to song on our playlist. Our nieces and nephews that stayed didn't leave the dance floor all night- we had a bunch of dancing fools on our hands! I smashed cake in Jeff's face and he followed in suit (he was going to be nice until I wasn't...) He smashed the cake in my face and I was laughing so hard cake went up my nose and I aspirated a little bit of it and began to choke- but it was well worth it. I did have to toss the bouquet twice...the first time it got stuck in the tenting, we had a do over. Jeff grabbed me quickly as the girls literally began to fight for the bouquet as it came down the second time, I could have been trampled. Jeff tried to throw the garter with his teeth when our crazy DJ (aka my brother Aaron) goaded him to do so...it didn't work so well, but it was funny to watch the guys dive for it.

The ring ceremony just before the reception went perfectly. I wish all of my friends could have been there. My bishop made it (we were worried he wouldn't because he had texted us saying he wasn't sure he would be there with the roads being as bad as they were). My bishop talked about the temple and what it symbolizes and reflected on his own experience in the temple earlier that day as he watched his grandson be sealed to his mom and dad. He spoke about the ride home and how when they finally got back to Pocatello from Idaho Falls they realized his grandson had failed to mention to anyone that he hadn't been strapped into his booster seat. He remarked to his son in law that if anything had happened it would have been devastating, and he had been reminded by his son in law that it would have been sad, yes, but devastating, no...because they were now an eternal family and they would see eachother again and be with eachother again no matter what... I managed to keep my composure while I sang a jazz standard (I'll never stop loving you) and my bridesmaids did an awesome poetry reading. The coup de grat of course was my nieces singing Families can Be Together Forever, there was so much cuteness in the front of that room I almost couldn't stand it.

I am so grateful for the sealing power of the priesthood, and that there are temples on the earth to make that sealing ritual possible. I am so grateful that I know I will be with Jeff for time and all eternity. I am grateful to know that death cannot and will not part us for forever.

I am grateful for this knowledge. I can now admit whole-heartedly that my early college paper was wrong. Happily Ever After does exist. It exists in the sealing power of the temple, it exists in the love between people who have the same goals and continue to work toward them together. I was already living in a part of a happily ever after through my own parents' marriage covenant and I now get to create my own.

I know it won't always be sunshine and daffodils, I am fully prepared and anticipating the hard work that comes with marriage and family relationships, but I know one thing for certain: with God on your side, and with the same commitment to keep Him as a part of your family and relationships, no matter what your religion or creed- you too can have happily ever after. With that commitment any relationship can last and be loving.

I am excited for my own piece of forever.

Let the Happily Ever After-ing begin!

Hugs and loves until next time darlings!

Time

Time is such a funny thing.

Someone, at some time devised a way for us to split it into increments so that we could plan our days.

To this person I say: Bless you! (although sometimes I want to curse you...why couldn't you put more than 24 hours in a day and make fewer days in the week...more time to sleep and play...but alas...)

I am a control freak. I own it. I accept it. I embrace it.

One thing that I do when I find myself stressed is write a list of what I need to finish in the day and write a timeline for how long I will give myself for each task.

It half worked yesterday...

Yesterday was an interesting day.

The wind was blowing, I got hit in the head by my car door atleast 3 times in the morning. I was running errands before class and I would open my door to get out of my car, try to step out, only to have my car door hurled at my head and my now aching foot that it slammed shut on.

This set the tone for the day, and all day all I wanted was to see Jeff, but there was just NO TIME...

It was frustrating. I flew from errands, to class, to work, to choir rehearsal (which did NOT go well at all, for anyone. I was frustrated because I would sing a line right the first time but when it came to isolate said line, I would be wrong...) I just couldn't win.

My big plan for last night was to get every box moved up to the new apartment. I wanted Jeff... I needed him. My day was in the dumps and I just needed to see that classic happy to see me smile and a big hug to make my throbbing head seem to throb a little less.

I called and called after class, but no answer...it had been a while since I'd had a terrible horrible no good very bad day, and this was shaping up to be one.

I started packing DVDs.

There are two things in this world that immediately destress me:

Baking and Cleaning- and since packing falls somewhat under the cleaning category I could feel the weight lifting slowly, ever so slowly off my shoulders.

Then my phone rang. I had to throw boxes to find it buried on my bed. It was HIM...the day was instantly brighter. He needed me to come pick him up. I shifted the half filled box of DVDs to the floor and dug for my keys *they too were buried under piles of boxes and clothes.*

I got to the building where I needed to pick him up...he was in a suit...BONUS...and then came that smile. He got in the car and I almost started crying because I was so happy to see him. He kissed me, I kissed him...then I bit my lip, made my puppy dog I missed you face and he kissed me again. He laughed and told me I was ridiculous...he always tells me I'm ridiculous. I own that too. I love being ridiculous, especially when he makes me that way.

We went up to our apartment so he could change out of his suit (darn...) and then decided to go to D.I. before more packing commenced to see if we could find a love seat. We found one, an oldie but goodie and bargain priced at $30...but couldn't find anyone to come help us haul it to our place. (Hopefully tonight we will have better luck in the finding help department, we really, really need a couch of some variety.)

We went back to my current residence. I put on a movie in my room (I have to have white noise while I'm performing menial tasks, otherwise I go insane from the monotony.) Jeff had never seen it before (we were watching Wild Hearts Can't be Broken- a Disney masterpiece from my youth). He sat and watched the movie in my comfy dish chair while I packed. He would pull me down into his lap from time to time, I would watch a portion of the movie with him, he would tickle me, and then I would be up on my feet as quickly as I could be to pack some more.

I wasn't quite finished packing, but I was hungry, and realized that this would be the only night available for our date night...

Time=GONE...because really, I can find quick moments to pack what's left and quality time with the people I love is far more important to me.

So, I'm a control freak...and my timeline up until this point in my life has usually been the one thing that keeps me going through the day.

I guess that is one beautiful thing about love. It has made me realize that there is always time, especially when you are doing the things that you know you should and want to be doing. You just have to know how to budget it, and what investments will be wise.

Time with Jeff is always a good investment, because I always get so much more than I give, and even more importantly, I don't feel like I need to control anything, I can relax, let time pass and have faith that even if my entire list didn't get completed, there will always be time tomorrow.

And tomorrow will always be beautiful if you have people in your life to support, love, and help you.

P.S.> Another note on time: 3 days! It took forever to get here, but flew so fast!

Hugs and loves until next time darlings.

Shlumpadincka and Soy Sauce

Okay darlings....

I woke up today and decided that it would be Shlumpadincka Thursday. If you aren't familiar with the term Schlumpadincka let me tell you a little story...

We (meaning my awesome friends Sammy, Teaira, Ms.Lane and I) were in Astoria, OR, this summer enjoying all the awesome opportunities that our opera apprenticeship had to offer. We were coming out of Safeway (or was it Ross? It doesn't matter, either way the story happened) We were pulling out of the parking lot and Ms. Lane points and says, "See girls, that is Shlumpadincka, I don't want to see any of that from any of you this week...or ever..." She was pointing at a woman walking out of the store in a ponytail, sweatpants, a baggy sweatshirt, and with no makeup on. We all laughed and promised her our "Shlumpadincka" days would be few and far between.

Well, I woke up this morning, and I decided that, as I didn't have anything important to do today other than school and work at the box office I wanted to be Shlumpadincka today...I've been super stressed (I wonder why?) and just decided I needed a break from my normal routine. Plus, since Jeff prefers me without makeup I decided I would make him happy today and just be Shlumpadincka Brittany. I rolled out of bed (I did do my hair) and stayed in my green yoga pants that I wore to sleep in last night. I pulled on a T-Shirt, and my Charlie Brown music sweatshirt (Snoopy is dancing on it...its pretty spectacular) and went to class.

Class was out almost before it began. The teacher had a meeting he had to go to, so he said we could just stay and practice or leave. Since its Brass Methods, and I have decided I'm almost hopeless on the trumpet (which is the instrument I've been learning to play for the last 3 weeks or so) I decided to stay and practice. Fortunately, my friend Heather stayed and helped me and I have actually discovered that I'm not as horrible as I believed I was (hooray for confidence boosters...confidence boosters and Shlumpadincka days...what a beautiful combination.)

I decided to leave early, my lips and jaw were getting tired and achey (a fun side effect of too much trumpet practice) Since I was leaving early, I had time to stop for a little lunch. I decided that California Rolls sounded like the perfect lunch for a Schlumpadincka like me...

I got to work, opened my lunch, ate a few rolls and quickly decided that a) these weren't fresh and b) maybe california rolls from Albertsons deli weren't the best idea. I forced myself to eat 4 of them, but couldn't force anything more beyond that. I closed the box, I thought I was being all clever in my technique because I was trying to avoid a soy sauce and wasabi disaster, but I knew I needed to close the box because I didn't want the Box Office to smell like rotten Krab (that's right Krab with a K because it wasn't real crab). I went to throw the box in the trash, and disaster struck. Before I could bat my eyelashes there was soy sauce all over my green yoga pants and the floor of the box office...thank heavens for the water cooler...I rushed to dilute the soy sauce on the carpet first with the cold water (because everyone knows that if you get to soy sauce before it sets in with cold water it will magically disappear.) I got the carpet cleaned and looked down at my fantastic green yoga pants (now brown and green) My first thought was that I was glad I had decided to be Shlumpadincka today because I really could care less about my yoga pants, but my second thought was "Crap, I don't have time to go home and change after work." I feverishly began dousing napkins in cold water and scrubbing my pants!

Well...serves me right for trying to be a little more daring in the culinary department (well, varied at least)...

However, I am glad for Shlumpadincka Days...soy sauce could have seriously damaged my calm on a day like today...there is an odd type of Zen accompanied with being Shlumpadincka....and with all the stress that I've been under recently a Zen Shlumpadincka day has been a nice reprieve...

P.S> Jeff and I are going to get our marriage license tonight...still debating if I want to change out of my Shlumpadincka Soy Sauce Yoga Pants for the big event or not...who cares...Schlumpadincka now, Shlumpadincka forever!

Hugs and Loves until next time darlings!

P.P.S> My little soy sauce adventure made me think of this scene from Thoroughly Modern Millie. If you don't want to watch the incomparable Carol Channing sing her "Jazz Baby" number then skip to 6:35 for the scene I am talking about. Enjoy darlings!

Lullaby

Sometimes I wonder if the pain that you feel when you lose someone close to you ever really goes away.

When I first got engaged, I found myself thinking about my dad probably once every 2 weeks or so...I would wonder what he would think of Jeff, I would wonder what he would say, how he would react to me being engaged...and then I would feel it...

that deep pain, a pain that I try to forget on regular occurrences.

You wouldn't think it to look at me, or to talk to me, but I feel the loss of my father very deeply. If I allow myself to go to "that place" I get so overcome with emotions that I can hardly breathe. Which is why, most of the time, I choose to look forward rather than looking back. I look forward to the bright future I know he would want me to have. I look forward with positivity for the possibilities that each new day will hold, just like he taught me when I was a little girl.

With my wedding rapidly approaching, I find myself thinking about him almost every day, almost every day I've had a moment where I've had to stop and remind myself that he is here, just in a more round about way. I have to remind myself how lucky I am to have special, amazing people waiting and rooting for me on the other side of the veil, and that no matter how far away heaven seems at times, my dad is there.

I was having such a time on Saturday. I had been sick all week. It culminated on Friday with me barely being able to get out of bed (this was partially because Jeff refused to let me get up and took care of me all day, but, in spite of my complaints and attempts to get up- some to the point where he had to sit on me to keep me down- I was grateful that he reminded me to take care of myself and get better. I have a tendency to push myself a little too far when I know that I am physically not capable of doing so. I am so lucky to have such a sweet, caring, thoughtful person to love me and take care of me-even when I make it incredibly hard for him to do so. Thanks baby, I love you.)

I was leaving Jeff's apartment on Saturday night ( my least favorite time of the day) and Jeff asked me if I had started writing my new name somewhere on a notebook yet. I actually didn't start doing that until Wednesday of last week, but I giggled and told him there was a page in my ED 2201 notebook that was filled with "Mrs. Jeffry Nielson"s...

I was getting in my car and it really hit me, out of nowhere, like a truck. I will be changing my name.

Changing my name has never been a question. I will be proud to bear Jeff's name. I think its an important part of the marriage process. I feel like it brings husband and wife closer because of an even more important common bond- a name that they will share and make something out of.

For the last 27 years, I have been a Winberg. For the last 15 years this name has been the one last link I have really had to my dad. I've pushed myself and worked because I knew that I had my dad's name, and I had to live up to it.

My dad was a very special guy. He would give the shirt off his back if he needed to for just about anyone, even if, at the time, he really didn't have the means to do so. When he died the funeral home said that he had one of the biggest, most attended viewings that they had hosted in over a decade. People came out of the woodwork with stories of his generosity and kindness. People lined up outside the door and down the block to pay their final respects.

One man came to our door right before Christmas with a $50 bill. He told my mom he knew that it wasn't much, but it was all he could do for the family of a man that had done so much for him. Apparently, my father had helped him save his marriage and had given him money to get him out of a financial bind. His family was on the road to recovery and he wanted to help a family that was wounded...he wanted to make sure that the chain of service my dad had started went full circle...

As the days and weeks progressed after his funeral, people came out of nowhere, people we had never met, all were hoping to give back a little of the kindness he had given to them.

I guess I never really thought about how much that had impacted me subconsciously. I'm just realizing now how much that experience has shaped and molded my life, my character, and my soul. My dad loved and gave even if he didn't have much to give.

My goal has been to make him proud, my goal was to keep the name of Winberg special. I wanted to make sure that if people knew that I was Michael Winberg's daughter they would say, "Well, I guess the apple didn't fall far from the tree. You can always go to a Winberg for help, that's for sure."

I left Jeff that Saturday night, and sat in my car. I said a silent prayer as I sought for comfort from the pain I was beginning to feel. He won't be there, I won't be able to hug him, I won't be able to kiss him, I won't be able to dance with him...my thoughts were streaming, flooding my brain and my heart, my thoughts turned to the reception, to the father daughter dance.

I am so lucky to have my amazing step dad. For all intensive purposes he is my dad, and he didn't have to be. He has blessed my life in many ways. Things weren't easy at first, for any of us, but after he adjusted, after we adjusted, after we had learned the vital lessons that the Lord brought us together to learn, I can look back and say that he has been and is the most amazing dad I could have ever asked for. I know that my biological dad, on the other side of the veil, had a hand in making sure he was in our home. I will be proud to dance that father daughter dance with him, but that thought didn't stop me from missing my biological dad and wishing it would be with him for that moment.

I decided to push the thought away. I decided to turn on music and start thinking about a playlist for my reception. I came across Jordan Bluth. I decided to go ahead and listen to him because I hadn't in a little while. I thought maybe there would be a song or two we could add to the playlist. It would be interesting because not many people have heard of him, plus he has a nice tenor voice and some amazing covers of old pop songs.

The first song on the playlist started, it was his cover of Billy Joel's "Lullaby"...and it was an answer to a prayer. All of a sudden, my car was a sacred place. I knew my dad was there, and I knew this song was "our song". We were having our dance, right there as I drove home with tears streaming down my face, tears of joy and happiness:

Goodnight my angel time to close your eyes
And save these questions for another day
I think I know what you've been asking me
I think you know what I've been trying to say
I promised I would never leave you
and you should always know
wherever you may go
No matter where you are
I never will be far away

Goodnight my angel now its time to sleep
and still so many things I want to say
remember all the songs you sang for me
when we went sailing on an emerald bay
and like a boat out on the ocean
I'm rocking you to sleep
The water's dark and deep inside this ancient heart
You'll always be a part of me

Goodnight my angel now its time to dream
and dream how wonderful your life will be
someday your child may cry and if you sing this lullaby
then in your heart there will always be a part of me
someday we'll all be gone
but lullabies go on and on
they never die
that's how you and I will be.

I couldn't find a video of Jordan's version, but here is Billy Joel.



In the end, I know its silly to be sad. I know I will see my dad again someday. I know that he is here watching every step of the way as I plan my wedding, and most importantly, I know that on Saturday night, we had our father daughter dance. He even picked the song that would say exactly what he would say if he were here.

I am so grateful for the sealing power of the priesthood. I am so thankful that I had parents who chose to be married in the temple so that I could have that gift. I know my family is forever.

I am so excited to be able to go to the temple and make those covenants, and by priesthood authority be sealed to Jeff for time and all eternity. I am content knowing that those sacred marriage vows, our bond, will carry our love beyond the shadow of the grave and into the next life. I waited a long time for him, and now that he is here I can hardly believe it. Now that he is here, I can't picture not having him for forever, it would just be cruel, and sad. I will have my forever family and it will be with Jeff. I can't wait to be Mrs. Jeffry Nielson. I can't wait to serve others as Mrs. Jeffry Nielson and start bringing good associations to that name as well.

My dad will still be my dad no matter what my name is. He would want me to make sure that his legacy of service and love never die. That is how in my heart there will always be a part of him alive. He will be alive as long as people are willing to give and love and share without fear for themselves.

I love you all.

Goodnight my angels, until next time.

A Slight Trip into Panic

Well, I woke up this morning and turned on my computer.

Jeff, being a techno wiz designed a program with Visual Basic that tells us how many days, hours, minutes, and seconds until we get married. He was sneaky and begged me to bring my computer over to him so he could do something. I thought, okay, he wants to take it to campus and set it up for internet. I brought it, he pulled out his jump drive, and then began working, blocking the screen from my view.

He finally let me see about 5 minutes later. I giggled when I saw the little time ticker ticking away on my screen. He then told me that he wasn't sure what would happen when the time ticker got all the way to zero. "It may crash your computer, but don't worry, I can fix it." Hearing that his little program, adorable as it was, could crash my computer was slightly disconcerting, but I have no doubts in his ability to fix it so I will continue to let it tick down...

Which brings me back to this morning. Like I said, I woke up this morning, looked at the screen when everything was loaded and had a slight trip into the land of panic. The words 14 days, 3 hours, 3 minutes and 30 seconds seemed to burn themselves into my cerebellum...

2 weeks! I'm getting married in 2 weeks!

My mind immediately went to all the work that still needs to be done for the wedding. I thought of the nightmare of going to Sam's Club to get the Italian Soda syrup (we're having an Italian Cream Soda bar at our reception and open house) and finding that there is no syrup to be found...I thought of going to the party store Zurchers' and finding that the M&Ms that we were going to buy for cheaper there are no longer there (or atleast not in our wedding colors) I thought of what would happen if Jeff's mom doesn't bring the dress here in time so I can take it to Margene's to get pressed before the wedding (she has been a total sweetheart, working feverishly to get it altered perfectly, I am seriously so grateful for her.). I thought of what would happen if the crew of happy helpers that I have been promised when it comes to decorating doesn't show up and then the decorator asks me for a check for $450 instead of $250...the list goes on...

Have you noticed that I tend to worry?

I'm a very positive person, but when it comes to important events, I have a tendency to always think of the worst possible case scenario. I think part of me does this so that, in the case that the worst possible case occurs, I will be ready and there will be less of an emotional outburst...

But, as all of these thoughts were bouncing around in my head, my neighbors turned on music. You'd think with brick walls I wouldn't be able to hear their music when they turn it on, but I always do. And it always goes on at 10:30 in the morning on the dot. I wonder if one of the girls has an alarm that does it?

Anywhoo...the music turns on and its Michael Buble's Crazy Love album that comes bursting forth through my wall. The song "All I do is Dream of You" comes on. I'm immediately back in my car last night. I turned my i pod on to blasting levels in my car and listened to that album, that song, and thought of Jeff. I found myself thinking of Jeff, I thought of what he would tell me while I was on my little trip down panic lane...and I realized something...

He, even in my thoughts, can calm the troubled waters.

He would say something to the effect of "Brittany, is it really going to matter in the grand scheme of things?" he would wait for me to respond, I would think about it and say something to the effect of, "No. It won't." Then he would say something like, "No, it won't. Because on that day, all we will care about is that we are together. The rest won't matter at all."

and he would be right.

So what if we get to Sam's and find the syrup is sold out. We would probably just go to every grocery store in town and buy all the syrup we could from them...or just forgo the Italian Cream Soda all together. While they would be delicious, I'm sure that no one will notice the difference or care. So what if the M&Ms in our wedding colors are gone, we will find a substitute. So what if our crew of happy decorating helpers fails to show, I know that I have 4 bridesmaids and family that will be there making sure that everything will be done and perfect...and if the decorator asks for a larger check, I guess she asks for a larger check, we will make it work somehow. If my dress doesn't get pressed, it doesn't matter much. Its still a beautiful dress, and I am still a beautiful woman. The clothes don't make me fabulous, I make me fabulous...because I just am fabulous.

What it all comes down to is this...I am now super excited to say that in 14 days, 2 hours 37 minutes and 47 seconds I will be Mrs. Jeffry Nielson. In 14 days and 2 hours I will be marrying the most amazing person on the planet. A man who reminds me every day how special and amazing I am, a man who wouldn't change a thing about me (and has told me so.) I know that some people have said that we aren't living together yet, so maybe he would want to change something after a year or so together, and some people have said that their love has grown innumerably and immeasurably since they've been married. I tend to agree with the latter. I see Jeff's faults and he sees mine, but what it comes down to is the faults, the things that are wonderful, the things that are exciting and unexciting are what make us who we are...and I wouldn't want Jeff any other way. Everything that is the sum of him, everything that makes him, him, is what I love.

Yesterday was his birthday. I wanted to make the day special and fun but of course I had to be super sick. Jeff forced me to lie in bed and he took care of me. I cried several times yesterday because I felt horrible. I love him so much that I wanted his birthday to be one of the best days ever. One time while I was crying, he asked me if I knew the story of the Gift of the Maggi. I told him yes, it happens to be one of my favorite Christmas stories.

A young man and young woman newly married are about to celebrate Christmas. Both have worked tirelessly to buy the perfect Christmas present. The young man wants to buy a beautiful comb at a jewelery store for his sweetheart to wear in her hair, and the young woman wants to buy him a gold chain so he can display a beautiful gold watch that he inherited from his grandfather. Christmas morning rolls around, and they come together after working to exchange their gifts. They haven't seen eachother since the previous morning. The young man opens his box and sees the gold chain. His sweetheart tells him its for his watch. He gets a sad look on his face, but the young woman doesn't see as she opens her gift. She softly strokes the beautiful comb and tears come to her eyes. She looks up and sees the tears in her handsome loves eyes as well. He confesses that he sold the watch to buy her comb because he hadn't made enough money. The young woman takes off her bonnet and sobs as she shows him that she had cut off all her beautiful hair and explains that she sold it to buy the gold chain because she too hadn't made enough money. In the end, they discover that their love for eachother is the best gift they could have received and all that matters is that they are together.

After I finished recounting the story to Jeff, I got his point. He didn't care if he got to do something amazing or cool for his birthday. In his mind, it was enough that we were together...I still felt bad, but I also felt so much love that all I could do was cry a little more and tell him how much I loved him.

I finally convinced him to go to his Robotics Club party. He had asked that we go for his birthday but I wasn't feeling up to it at all. He wasn't going to go, but once again I cried and begged him to go because it had been the one thing he had asked for, I wanted him to have it, and I could take care of myself for a few hours. He hesitantly left, but told me to text him if he wasn't back in an hour because he was worried he would get carried away (they were going to play Halo:Reach and he hadn't played XBOX since before his mission three years ago.) He left, I watched reruns of Glee and Family Guy on Youtube. I texted at 9:15 ( I gave him an hour and a half) and he texted back begging for more time. I texted back and immediately said that he could stay. I wanted him to have fun, and he did. I'm so glad. He came back at 10. We started watching The Emperor's New Groove, but I fell asleep. I woke up around 10:45 and Jeff wasn't lying there watching the movie. He had covered me and left me to sleep. He came back in the room as I was grabbing my shoes. He offered to let me have the bed, he was worried about me driving home in my sick and tired state, but I insisted. I left around 11(after struggling to leave. Jeff even pulled my Uggs off at one point and laid me in the bed and covered me up...but I managed to get up and get my shoes on again.)

Jeff told me to call him once I got home or he would come get me and force me back into bed. I laughed, kissed him and agreed to call. I got home called him, and was dead to the world...

Which brings me back to this morning...I was so silly to take a trip into Panic land...Why should I panic when I know that I am marrying the most amazing man on the planet...

I know...silly old Brittany.

Hugs and loves until next time darlings.

Grateful

In two and a half weeks I will be Mrs. Jeffry Nielson...

Say it with me now darlings, it will be my name for a very long time (for forever in fact.)

Last night Jeff and I had our final temple recommend interview with Bishop Wilker. We discussed our ring ceremony and made plans...

Until Jeff got me worried that the reason why we hadn't received a letter from the temple yet (apparently we were supposed to get one weeks ago after we scheduled the date) was that there was a glitch somewhere and our temple date wasn't set after all...enter the panicking and flashing red lights of my brain. (Never fear darlings, I called the temple this morning and all is well. For some reason the letters just never got to us.)

However, in a side note, we got back to the new apartment where I was dropping Jeff off (he moved into OUR place on Saturday...but it won't officially be OUR place until November 20...its been tough to not have him right down the stairs from me.) We sat in my car for a while and Jeff told me where he believed the turning point of our relationship was for him- the point where he decided we would be more than friends. I was surprised to hear that his turning point was earlier than mine. Then, we both tried to remember when he told me he loved me for the first time (Jeff will tell you that I said it first, but I wrote it first...so technically it doesn't count as saying it first.) We laughed because neither of us could remember at first. We remembered when I said (wrote) it for the first time, but we couldn't think of when he did...

My brain went back to a day I'd been thinking about all day...my favorite Jeff memory. In this memory we were just sitting in my car, neither of us wanting to go in...and Jeff was holding me in his arms and I felt pure love, and then it dawned on me why it was my favorite memory...because that was the first night he told me he loved me. He was stroking my hair and we were looking out of my dirty windshield at the night sky and he whispered it in my ear. I told him I loved him too...no bells, no whistles, no fireworks, but there was pure love...and we just sat there, holding eachother, afraid to let go because we didn't want the moment to be over...

I had another moment like that last night with my Mr. Nielson. He held me and we talked about why we love eachother, and why there were no words to describe the deep affection and respect that we have...and how frustrating that is.

I am seriously the luckiest girl on the planet!

He loves me, he wouldn't change a thing, he wants me to be happy and successful in whatever I decide to do, he is supportive, sweet, gracious, kind, and generous...the list could go on and on...

for the record, I wouldn't change a thing about him either. I am so grateful that we have a similar sense of humour, I am so lucky that he and I can laugh about stupid things like movie quotes, and that we can make fun of ourselves.

In short- he is easy to love...and I do love him...so much.

On Sunday we were both sick. Even though we were sick, we still tried to take care of each other. I wonder if being sick makes you closer to the spirit, because Sunday I felt closer to the spirit and Jeff at the same time. I could feel a new level of respect and love grow between us...we both cried because of the magnitude of what we were feeling (he was a little more sneaky than I was in the crying department, but he did admit that when I wasn't looking there were tears being shed.) It was the type of love that takes over, you feel warm from head to toe, and your heart is so full all you can do is cry because its about to overflow.

I am so grateful for this wonderful man who has chosen me to be his eternal companion. I am looking forward to finding new reasons to love him everyday, and to the opportunities to help him see how amazing he is every day.

Jeffry I love you, thank you for being wonderful.

Hugs and loves until next time.