Monday, June 9, 2008

Uhhh....yeah...

Hey Y'all-

Here I am, back in the blogosphere...

Not much to report...its summertime and all the things that I thought were going to happen are not going to happen, but that is okay- I'm working on figuring out where I am supposed to be and that is a good for me.

I'm just going to say it- I was engaged for 3 wonderful months to the most wonderful guy I've ever met- although it was unofficial because he kept finding excuses not to go get the ring we picked out- plans were on the backburner for a July or August wedding and he changed his mind...all I have to say is getting your heart broken sucks big time! I thought I'd found my happy beginning (that's right, beginning, because we all know that fairytales shouldn't end when the damsel finds her prince charming- there is so much more to the story) I guess the worst part is that he even admits that I was the perfect girlfriend and that he is crazy to let me go, but he had to because he just isn't ready and doesn't want to be unfair to me...

Well, life goes on and plans change...I'm dealing with it and trying to move forward, its been difficult but I have been so fortunate to find good friends and have family to support me and help me to come up with ideas on how to continue to move forward. There are many ideas buzzing around in my head, I have no clue where I'm going, but I guess I have to have faith and let God lead me by the hand. I have a testimony of the importance of and the need for a strong relationship with our Father in Heaven, I have needed him so much and he has always been there for me. This doesn't mean that I have it all figured out, but I am working on it.

So, what am I doing with myself? I'll have to say that reassimilating to single life has been difficult. I was basically with my ex every day for 3 months (he even followed me home for spring break!) I've found that things are a lot easier if I keep busy. I am working as a respite aid for a sweet lady here in Missoula. I work with her 5 year old daughter who has downsyndrome and cerebral palsy. It is so nice to go somewhere and forget about myself and my problems for a little bit. I change diapers, watch to make sure she doesn't overstimulate herself because she vomits if she does. I have also watched almost every episode from seasons 1 and 2 of the Muppet show (her favorite) and have fetched a ball about 15 million times (her having me chase around after it is her version of playing catch.) I'm learning sign language to work with her because she doesn't have much ability to speak. She understands what you are saying when you talk to her, but she can't voice back what she wants and needs- she knows all the important signs- movie, ball, and bedtime! She is so cute and it has been such a pleasure to work with her.

I have also been spending time trying to discover more about Missoula. The more time I spend out and about, the more I find things that I like. Missoula is very much like Europe- I know Montana and Europe, who would have made that connection? I like to shop around in the Downtown area, there are tons of cute little shops with lots to see and everyone just parks their cars and walks- which is very much like Europe- there are also street musicians everywhere- not just guitar players (like you might find in any other town) but string quartets, a cello player, and a little concert band- very very European, if you don't believe me, just go to any old town center in Germany or the Czech Republic! This last Saturday I had the opportunity to go out for a girls day with my friend Kimmie. We went to the farmer's market (fresh produce and veggies straight from the source, another European connection because that is what they do in Germany, you don't get much produce from the store, you always go to the farmer's market on the weekends) and then we went to the people's market, which reminded me so much of Prague, it made me remember why I would have no problem living in Europe some day if I had to. I bought three cute headbands from this girl that makes recycled clothing...

Okay, so you're probably wondering, what is recycled clothing? This girl goes to thrift stores and good will and buys t-shirts and other fabrics and cuts them up to make something new and chic...she had the cutest skirts made out of old t-shirts! I almost bought one, but I'd only brought $40 with me and it was $28- yep, I'm kind of a cheapskate. But, all of that ingenuity has given me a stroke of creativity. I have wanted a new handbag for a while, but I haven't been able to find one that I like. I saw tons at the people's market, but they were ridiculously overpriced and I was like "you know, I could probably go to JoAnn fabric or Wal-Mart and buy the stuff to make a handbag that I would really like all by myself for like $5!" So that is exactly what I am going to do. I am going to buy some posterboard and try to concoct a pattern based off of the handbags I saw at the market...I may crash and burn horribly, or I may come out with something cool and one of a kind- who knows, maybe I could buy a bunch of stuff if it turns out well and pay the $10 to get a booth spot at the people's market and sell my own for cheaper and make tons of money as an up and coming handbag designer!

I have a lot to look forward to, but at the same time, I have been wanting to put my tail between my legs and run home for the rest of the summer. However, as Donna Summer would sing I WILL SURVIVE! I have a lot of decisions to make, and I will certainly keep you all posted on what is up...

As far as my plans to take out my temple endowments are concerned...I finally went to the Bishop about it last Tuesday (I have been single for a month and I felt like I would be making that big step for the right reasons rather than out of spite because I'm no longer engaged) but, despite his earlier assessment that I would definitely be able to take them out by the beginning of the summer (which was before I started dating my ex) he now feels like I need to wait a little longer. Which sucks, I'm not going to lie, I feel ready...but he is the bishop and he knows and understands things that I don't...so I'm okay with it...I guess it just gives me some more time to figure out my place in this world...

Well, lets sum things up- getting your heart broken sucks, I'm enjoying my job, Missoula is like Europe, and I am going to become the next big handbag designer...uhhh...maybe...

Well, Hugs and Loves! I miss you all!

2 comments:

WrayFam said...

It's nice to read your rundown and I am glad you are getting your sense of humor back. You know after reading your blog I think you would be a really interesting column writer. Maybe you could add that to your list of many amazing talents.

I'm sory about the temple but the comforting thing to know is that Heavenly Father has the most amazing plan and He is leading you and your Bishop in that direction. Just remember to stop, listen, and give thanks continually. We love you and miss you!!!

Lanae said...

I am impressed with your generosity to the young girl you have described. You will be blessed with your efforts. You say you are keeping busy despite the heart ache you have been through. Apparently there is better out there in the grand scheme of things. It's not a scheme though. There is well designed plan and you are doing the right things to follow it. We are cheering for you. We love you!