Wednesday, April 16, 2008

A Whole New World, A Whole New Life

Wow, hello blogheads...its been a while, but I've just been so busy it seems like I have almost no time to myself.

It is so wierd to think that I am almost already halfway through my Graduate School experience...I looked at the calendar yesterday and to my dismay, I realized there are only two weeks of actual school left...only two weeks to work with Dr.Cody on fixing all of my vocal shortcomings, only 2 weeks to prepare half of my studio for their impending doom (also known as juries)

I've been finding myself thinking a lot lately about what I want to do once I leave these hallowed halls. I've quickly realized that I am not going to come home to Idaho, that I will probably call another state home- all I will do is visit and watch as the state line blurs past my car door when I leave. Its kind of wierd...I'm realizing that all of a sudden I am an ADULT! Perish the thought!

The funny thing is, I don't necessarily feel like and adult...but then again, maybe we all feel that way, maybe we never really grow up- maybe we always feel like big kids who have to deal with very big issues on a daily basis. I haven't really tested this theory, but I'm thinking it has to be true...you know how your grandparents sometimes say that they look like they are in their sixties, seventies, or eighties (etc) but that they don't feel it? I wonder if this feeling is what they are alluding to.

I have some huge life decisions rapidly approaching. I've done some soul searching and I think I've finally figured out what I want to do with my life and where I want to be. A big part of this realization has come from recent events that are to remain a secret for the time being, but another big part has just come from this year and everything that I have experienced.

So, I think, at 24 and a half, that i now know exactly what I want to do with my life. That is a scary realization...you're no longer in limbo and you have to focus...So...hold on to your hats kids because here it comes:

After this year I think I have decided that I want to teach. I love teaching privately in my studio, but what I adore even more is standing in front of a class full of people who don't get it and watching their eyes light up when they do...I love watching the progress that comes with the application of the seemingly useless knowledge that I have, I love watching people come out of their shells, and more importantly, I love sharing my passion for music with others.

So I've talked to Dr.Cody about it. I was going to try to conduct in Women's Choir next year and then I was just going to get my general teaching certification and see what I could do with it (yes, that's right, I'm talking about teaching high school choirs and directing high school musicals...the one thing I thought I'd never want for my life is the one thing I want to do more than ever) However, UM has decided to try adding a new GTA next year and Women's Choir will be conducted by a fellow Grad student and good friend of mine Micah...atleast that is what Dr.Cody told me. So we talked a little more.

I told him that I wanted to, in essence, share the "gospel" of opera with kids...that I wanted to help the people in communities like this to see that opera isn't all fat ladies in horn helmets....Dr.Cody then mentioned that the new opera company that they are starting here in Missoula (The Montana Lyric Opera) might be right up my alley. They are hoping to get a grant to start outreaching to the schools, performing children's operas and scenes shows that explain opera and why it is so awesome. Apparently I lit up, and Dr.Cody said we'd talk more about it later (as we were trying to have a lesson) he said " I can see this is something you really want to do, you light up when you talk about it...we'll definitely pursue this some more."

I know that there are some people around here who are suprised with my thought process and apparent decision. Yes- I love performing. However, the more I think about it, the more I realize that I don't think I'd want to do it 365 days a year all day long. Its nice to have a part or a gig here and there, but I think that performing would lose it's luster if it was all I had to do and teaching has never left me bored. There is always something to do or say or some impact that can be made and I love that. It is unpredictable, and I think I need a bit of unpredictability in my life.

Don't get me wrong. I'll still do the Met Auditions next year, I'm still going to audition for roles and try to get my name out there, but I think that the best kind of recognition comes from students that you have reached and helped to feel better about themselves on some level.

My life is taking some interesting twists and turns along the way. The newest big twist is expected at the end of July...but those of you who have no clue what I'm talking about will understand later. Right now I am looking forward to a summer that is full of possibilities and growth and I like it!

2 comments:

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WrayFam said...

Don't pay attention to previous post because I think it might be a virus. I got one too. I'm glad you have found your calling. Sounds like it is all falling into place!!!