Baby Steps/Update/Joy In the Journey

I know, its been a few weeks.

There are good reasons its been a few weeks... so let's update.

Almost 2 weeks ago, we got a very unexpected call from the director of the Cache Humane Society.  He heard that we had been contemplating and looking for a dog to use as an emotional support/service dog for Faith. Because she responds so well to animals, we knew it would be a good thing for her, but weren't having much luck finding a dog that fit into the price range we could afford. We knew we could handle the month to month upkeep, but even the shelter here wanted $150 for a dog, and when you couple that with the necessities of a dog that will be mostly indoors (a kennel, toys, food, veterinary care, etc.) it just wasn't working out.

The director of the shelter decided that he wanted to do a service for us and give us the right dog for a price we could afford. He suggested we come by the shelter to meet a dog that had been in the shelter for a while, but seemed like she would fit our needs, a Jack Russell Terrier named Ripzy. We decided it wouldn't hurt anything to go down and meet this dog they were suggesting and possibly meet other dogs that could interest us.

We met Ripzy and I was very impressed. She was very sweet and very kind with the girls. She was so kind that even Phillie, who had been terrified of dogs since our last experience at the shelter when she was knocked over by a very enthusiastic 1 year old hound cross, was IN LOVE! We didn't have time to meet any other dogs because Jeff needed to go back to work,but I was already sold because of how stellar this dog was with the kids. Jeff needed a bit of convincing. My husband, the avid outdoorsman he is, really wanted a dog that he could take hunting and that had a bit more energy. The director of the shelter offered to put her on hold for us for 24 hours so we could think about it...and after a day of debate back and forth (literally, we spent all day talking about it...the joy of instant messaging and cell phones with texting), we decided we would do it. We knew that we weren't going to get another chance to pick how much we paid for a dog, let alone a great dog that was already housetrained (supposedly, we had a few accidents, but I think we're almost over that battle after going back to strict crate training for a few days) and was so gentle with the kids.

We made a deal with the shelter and paid for the cost of her microchip and then went to get the rest of the stuff she needed. We definitely have been blessed.  I did have a few days last week where I wondered if we should take her back. She started developing some nervous ticks around the girls, I think she just wasn't sure about what she was reading off of them, and coupling that with her refusal to eat and some accidents in the house when we'd had a good first few days, I was wondering if she was a good fit for us, but we weren't a good fit for her.

After bouncing pros and cons back and forth with my awesome husband (seriously, he is the greatest. He just knows how to get me to think through things differently and give me the perspectives I need to make a decision I can feel good about), we decided that, for better or worse, Ripzy, now called Pixie since its easier for Phillie to say, is a part of our family now.

As suspected, Faith has already made some HUGE strides because of Pixie's presence. She is already babbling more, she sits and babbles at Pixie, petting her and trying to get her attention to play. She brings toys and food to share with Pixie (something she would NEVER do with another kid or even an adult), and last night was the cutest thing ever (of course, as soon as I brought my phone out to record it she stopped)- she actually had a book out and was  trying to show Pixie different pictures, babbling about everything she was pointing at in the book.

I'm hoping to eventually train Pixie to help calm Faith during her meltdowns (which shouldn't be hard since she innately has already started going to Faith to investigate why she is crying and tries to snuggle up close to her), and I'm hoping that as Faith sees us get Pixie to do tricks using hand symbols and word commands that she will give them a whirl too...since we've also had a few heart in my throat episodes where Faith has gotten out of the house (toddler door knob guards have been purchased and are working), I'm also hoping to train Pixie to alert us when Faith is leaving the house unattended. We will see how it goes. I grew up raising, breeding, and training dogs...we will see if I am a little over confident in my training skills.

For now, we are perfectly happy to see Faith making progress and that Pixie's mere presence is causing some huge shifts for us. To anyone on the outside looking in, they would still see an almost 3 year old who is still non verbal, but to us, who live with her every day, we see the shift from barely making any noise at all to wanting to babble at her new furry friend and are VERY encouraged.

In this picture, Faith has meticulously placed her favorite stuffed dog next to our napping Pixie...she likes to sleep a lot...but she is also getting over kennel cough (its like bronchitis for dogs, she picked it up in the shelter and, while she has been treated for it, we have to wait for it to run the rest of its course), so I chalk most of it off to her not feeling well. She does play, you just have to catch her in the mood. Jeff is probably the best at getting her to play and actually had a very amusing play session with her the other night. I couldn't help but laugh as he got her to play tug of war with her rope toy. He was getting such a kick out of it...I think he has been converted and has even said what a great dog she is and that we would likely never find another one like her.

I have tried on multiple occasions to get pictures of her and the girls together. Phillie likes to walk right up to her grab Pixie's face, and put her nose to Pixies and give her kisses calling her "baby" and babbling her version of baby talk at her...its ADORABLE...but of course, as soon as the camera comes out, it stops. Faith likes to stand next to her and gently pat her when she is feeling overwhelmed and she is CONSTANTLY trying to snuggle up next to her on the couch...we have had a "nipping" incident last night. Faith did something that hurt Pixie(we didn't see...) but before tears that came with her holding a nipped hand, we heard a painful yelp from the dog, so we couldn't really be mad at Pixie for defending herself.  We just took her to her kennel and said "no biting" and Jeff took Faith upstairs because she was FURIOUS that we'd decided to put Pixie away... I was worried that Faith would be afraid of her after it, but this morning, she was even more eager to be sure that she gave Pixie loves and patted her VERY gently, as if to say she was sorry. I would imagine it is likely the first and LAST time a little nip would ever happen. She didn't break the skin, so I know Pixie was trying to be as gentle as possible. It was just her way to say "Ouch, you're hurting me. Stop!"

Beyond adding a dog to the mix, I spent some time last week in the hospital.

Wednesday night last week, out of nowhere, everything started spinning and it wouldn't stop. We tested my blood sugar to be sure it wasn't that my sugars were too low or too high, but they were normal, I drank water to do a kick count and also in case it was dehydration...Jeff was so sweet and kept vigil over me. After about an hour of waiting for it to go away, he eventually suggested that maybe I was  just overly tired from a very full day and practically carried me up the stairs for bed...I seriously couldn't walk in a straight line. When my eyes were open, everything was spinning and when they were closed, it felt like I was physically still spinning. I started getting very nauseous from all the non-existent spinning and the only way to help was keeping my eyes closed. I went to sleep, praying it would be better in the morning, but had no such luck.

After some discussion, Jeff called his mom to come watch the girls and took me to the ER.  After lots of tests, an MRI, and monitoring the baby to be sure she was okay and what was affecting me wasn't hurting her, we were given the diagnosis of unexplained Vertigo. I had/have no signs of infection, so they couldn't chalk it off to an ear infection or sinus infection, the MRI showed that none of the pregnancy related issues that could cause it were causing it...

Of course, because I am pregnant, they couldn't REALLY treat it because the medicine they needed to give to get the spinning to stop right away is Category C... After a day in the hospital, they sent me home with Meclazine, a motion sickness pill to try to help with the nausea and some of the dizziness, and orders to rest until it goes away.

So far, I've had several "spinning" spells, since I came home. All I can do is lay down, take a Meclazine and wait...which has been interesting with two toddlers to say the least...especially when one of those toddlers is Autistic and is having a VERY bad day where she is just overwhelmed by any and all sensory input (like the day before yesterday...)

Fortunately, the day after that VERY BAD day, we had a session with our Occupational Therapist, and she gave me some strategies to help Faith feel more grounded and less like she needs to control her environment by checking out and avoiding any engagement in activities that I'd tried to divert her attention from her melt downs.

The OT said that Faith was just likely very overwhelmed from a poor night of sleep and that she was seeking to feel grounded and was trying to accomplish this by ignoring everything around her and doing activities that allowed her to focus on one thing at a time...this meant that touching her, trying to get her to eat, trying to get her to go take a nap, everything we normally do was just too much. She suggested getting Faith to do "animal walks" getting her to crawl on all fours, wiggle on the floor like a worm, or crawl on her hands with her feet on the ground...she said it may seem counter intuitive at first since she doesn't want to be touched or engaged, but if you can, hand over hand, start the activity, she will sense that it's what her body needs and start to become active in it. She demonstrated, and I was amazed by how FAST Faith started to do the activity and how eagerly she kept going even after our OT had stopped doing it with her. The OT says the ultimate goal is for Faith to engage in these activities long enough that she gets a sensation similar to the one that we would get after a good long workout. She also showed me some pressure/holding techniques that would help her feel grounded as well... even the OT marvelled at how much Faith seemed to "need" the pressure/holding, and she was even having a decent day that day...

She is going to bring us a weighted blanket so we can try it before we buy one, in hopes that it will help curb her sleep problems and that we will have fewer "bad" days in the future.


In other news...in spite of our "bad days", I still have cuteness like the picture below going on in my house, so, I can't complain too much...even when I feel like poop and have to spend hours on the couch waiting for the world to stop spinning...

It may be a crazy life...it may not be easy (but what worth having is easy?) but I am blessed to be living it. It makes me a better person, it makes me closer to my Father in Heaven as I turn to Him for comfort and counsel, and it brings me closer to my husband as we work as a team to make it all happen. At the end of the day, all I can do is have courage enough to try again tomorrow and have faith that it will continue to get better. And with God on my side, the support of my awesome husband, and angels who hear about our random needs and deliver (like the Cache Humane Society, thanks again guys!) I know it will.

I often tell my friends that are struggling that if my experiences of late have taught me anything, its that our mantra in life should be "baby steps are still steps."  Progression is still progression. We keep moving forward and if we do all that we can do, God will make up for the rest that we can't and we will eventually reach our destination...and there will be MANY destinations in this earthly life...each destination is a jumping off point for a new journey. You can be dragged kicking and screaming from one blessing to the next or you can choose to have faith in the baby steps and find joy in the journey...I don't always choose joy...but I am working on making my choice joy every day. Eventually, I will get it right.

Hugs and loves until next time darlings!

The Absurdity of Kid Gloves

Last week, we went to Audiology to confirm that Faith has no problems with her hearing so we could move forward in her Autism diagnosis.

The Audiology team we met with at Utah State University was VERY kind and they were great with Faith...they were concerned they would be able to get Faith to do the testing they needed since she doesn't respond when you point at something and try to get her to look...however, after about 15 minutes of the sound field test, she figured it out.

Did it take longer for them to get results than it normally does. Yes. They admitted that...but we got results.

Faith is hearing normally in all fields. They did do a more specific OAE test (its a monitor that they put into their ears via a setup that is reminiscent of earbud headphones. It sends a signal up the cochlear nerve and tests how long it takes to come back, if it comes back at all.) Faith did fail in the upper registers, but she also had a lot of wax in her ears and passed on those registers during the sound field test.

She hears...we knew she could...but its nice to have it confirmed.

I did feel a little awkward as they were delivering the results. They kept looking at me, as if they were waiting for me to cry. They were handling me with kid gloves...

I get that its touchy. You're giving what should be good news- your child can hear. YAY!...but it really is kind of bad news because it means that your child is likely Autistic or suffering from a rare neurological disorder.

I tried to smile politely and show them that I was trying to be positive about these results.

Would I have loved for the therapy team we've been working with to have been wrong and to have found out that a hearing aid or a cochlear implant would solve our problems with some extra speech therapy?

ABSOLUTELY

But I also knew that the likelihood of this would be very, very small given the progress we've made and the fact that I have seen her respond to sounds and knew she could hear them.

I was prepared to hear them tell me she could hear.

Her ears work! What a huge blessing... Now, we move forward to get the rest of our diagnosis, some more answers, and some more help.

Regardless of the results, Faith would have and has remained Faith.  Our Little Diva.

Do I have my moments of grief and despair? Of course, I do.  But I would rather move forward with positivity.  Her ears work. That is one question answered. Now, because we have that question answered we can continue to move forward to get the resources we need to help her grow, develop, and work to become the best version of herself that she can be...which is going to be pretty darn amazing...since she is pretty darn amazing as it is.

We followed up with her pediatrician today...again, he waited for the tears...I was treated with kid gloves.  I guess I should get used to it.

But I refuse to let this process or a diagnosis define our family, define me, or drag me down into a gulf of despair that I can't pull myself out of.

I have full faith that God doesn't give us anything that we can't handle without his help.  Will he test my limits? Jeff's? Faith's? Phillie's? The new baby on the way's? YES.  Life is a test. You aren't going to get out of it without a little discomfort...but the moments that change us, that define us, that make us better, are the moments that we turn to him in prayer and ask for understanding, for knowledge, and for the power to make it better...and He will always help us and deliver because he didn't mean for us to go through this life alone. He sent us a Savior, or brother and Redeemer, Jesus Christ, the make the ultimate sacrifice, to suffer ALL things, so we could not only have an example to look to when times get rough, but also so we can turn to him as an advocate as we pray in His name for help.

We will be alright because we are on the Lord's side. We will be alright because we have faith that he will help us bear this burden.

His yoke is easy and his burden is light.

How comforting? Don't you agree?

Could I choose to take an attitude of loneliness, that I am doing this alone, that I have no help, that no one understands? Yes, I can. But I choose not to. I choose the yoke of Jesus. I choose to believe that I have a brother and father in heaven that are looking out for me and my babies and that they will get us through this, one step at a time.

The pediatrician is going to talk to the local developmental psychologist. The local guy is affiliated with my pediatrician's office, but does most of his work up at a clinic at the university that he runs training future developmental psychologists...the problem? That clinic, because it isn't completely run by licensed doctors, is not covered by insurance. They do have a sliding fee scale, and I'm not sure where we fall on that, but in talking to a friend that didn't qualify for any of the monetary assistance up there, I know that, without help from the sliding fee scale, or insurance, we are looking at $2500 to do the testing up there. Unfortunately, we cannot afford that kind of money. I made this clear to my pediatrician. They are going to ask the local guy if he would be willing to do all or part of the testing at the office instead of the clinic so that insurance could cover most of it. We will see how he responds. If he says he will only do the work at the clinic, we will gt a referral to Primary Children's Hospital and see a specialist there.

One way or another, we will see someone, we will get answers, and we will move forward.

In other news:

Had my 16 week appointment (at 17 weeks) We don't get to find out the gender of the gummy bear until the day before Valentine's Day...sheer TORTURE for me... since we're in the midst of closing on the house, and I have NO little baby stuff ( I sold it all before the move to Wyoming since we wouldn't have a place to store it and I didn't know when we would need it again) I am a little concerned about being able to afford everything we will need for the new baby. Daily, I make mental lists and note how much the items will cost... Car seats have REALLY gone up in price since we bought our first one in 2011...HOLY COW! I've had some people suggest buying a used one, but I refuse to buy a used car seat. The American Academy of Pediatrics warns how unsafe it is. The plastic bends and deteriorates over time. You don't know what kind of drivers the previous owners have been, and they can tell you that it was never in an accident, when in reality it was in a "little" rear end collision that they didn't think was notable (as an example.)  I choose safety... even if safety is going to cost us $150 or more *gulp*

I do plan on utilizing yard sales and consignment stores to buy clothing items, so I know in that way, I will save.

We also either need to buy another toddler bed to move Phillie into or another crib so the new baby will have a place to sleep...we will cross that bridge when the time comes. Fortunately, we still have our pack and play with the bassinet and newborn napper attachment that we scored at a yard sale before we had Phillie and the baby can sleep in that for a while, but I always prefer to move them into a crib (since its sturdier) once they're no longer in the room with me (Jeff usually moves them into their own room around 2-3 months because he's spent 2-3 months with a wife who hasn't slept a wink since every little noise wakes her up...LOL...he says he does it for my sanity, but I think he does it for his best interests as well...)

We will also need a new baby monitor. I am currently trying to decide if its worth the extra money to get the video monitor...I definitely know I want a digital one this time since there is less chance of interference and static...and I know that will set us back $50-90 depending on the brand we buy (unless I can find a used one...)

All in all...things are going well with the pregnancy. The diabetes still sucks. I still hate giving myself shots at night, and I REALLY hate that I feel like I have to make 2-3 separate meals most of the time because I can't have what everyone wants.  I will admit that we're probably eating out more than we should, but that has more to do with the fact that I'm exhausted at the end of the day and REALLY not in the mood to cook 2 different meals or 1 meal with a separate option for sides for myself... but I'm getting better at it, and being back in the meal planning game has helped a lot.

I'm smaller this pregnancy than I've been with either of my other pregnancies by this near halfway mark... its fun sometimes because I think of how much less weight I will have to lose after I have the baby...but other times it stinks bigtime because I feel like I don't look pregnant, I just look fat...but I push those thoughts away as soon as I have them. This mamma ain't got no time for negativity.

I got into a fight with our ottoman on Saturday night about 2 minutes after Jeff got home. We thought my toe or my foot was broken, but I waited to go in until Sunday morning when things still weren't better. The doc at the instacare was shocked to see on the x-rays that it wasn't broken. He said its probably just a REALLY bad sprain. They gave me a boot to wear when I have to go outside the house for long periods of time or when I have to be up and about for a long period, to stabilize my foot so I can walk... long story short- Ottoman 1...Brittany 0...I get to spend the next 2-3 weeks limping around in my boot until things feel better. YAY... Oh well, at least its not broken, right? Less time in the boot and I will (hopefully) be back on my feet sooner than I would have if it had been broken.

Jeff is still loving his job. He travels frequently (which is hard for me, but we get paid very well for him to do it, which makes it easier to meet our goals to pay off debt faster or to have some money to spare for savings.) He has a bitter, nasty cold right now. The poor guy really wanted to stay home today...and he does have PTO time saved up, so he could have, but he is being so awesome and being a trooper so that we can have the PTO time for after the baby gets here, or in case we need to take it to take Faith to Salt Lake for testing.

We are currently trying to plan our Valentine's Day. We are debating getting a hotel and going out of town, but I have NO CLUE who we will leave the kids with when we do it...I'm thinking we may need to plan it for after Valentine's Day so we don't intrude upon one of our sibling's festivities so we can get away. If we make it out- Expect a post! LOL  Jeff and I never had a honeymoon, we thought it would be best to save the money, so we are looking forward to the idea of a weekend away with just the two of us.

Phillie is ADORABLE...as usual...no surprise there. The Divine Cupcake has perfect chubby, cherub cheeks that I can't help but want to kiss as much as possible.  She is talking up a storm.  Not sure if I already told this story here or not, but the other day, I was sitting on the couch, exhausted and tired. My eyes were closed...the little stinker pulled herself up on the couch, plopped herself into my lap and grabbed my cheeks. I looked up into her hazel/blue eyes and she said, "How you doin'?"  I said, "I'm doing fine, my love, how are you?" She sighed and looked up like she was mimicking her tired mamma and said, "I good"...and then proceeded to give me tons of kisses and loves.

Yesterday, we were getting in the car to go home after going to the store to pick up a few things. I buckled her in and she smiled at me and grabbed my cheeks and said, "I yove you (I love you)" and gave me a big kiss. I smiled and said I love you back and kissed her back...but she kept holding onto my cheeks...and she said it again, "Yove you" and gave me a kiss...I said it back and squeezed her...but she still didn't let go...she did this 4 times...I guess she REALLY wanted to get the point across that she loved me...and I was SO tired...I definitely needed to hear it. I love how she always seems to say what I need to hear.  She talks so randomly, and never when you ask her to say anything...but when she does talk, she definitely makes it worth hearing.

She was NOT happy at the doctor's office today. She wanted to go out in the waiting room and play with the other kids...sorry poppet, not an option without someone to watch you. She screamed for the first 10 minutes we were in the room. Bless our pediatrician's nurse. She was so patient and kind about it all.  I finally calmed her down with a fruit roll up that I'd left in the diaper bag after church on Sunday.  Needless to say, 1 flu shot later (she got her flu shot booster today while sissy was getting her vaccinations updated), she was out like a light in the car as we went to go get daddy for lunch....and now she won't go down for her nap...I hear her screaming "Yay" and "Wee!" from her bedroom as I'm typing this and wonder if I should go in to check on them and stop whatever it is they're doing...however, I also know that i put all the toys in the closet, so chances are, Faith has once again turned Phillie's bed into a trampoline with guard rails to hold onto and Phillie is enjoying being bounced up and down over and over again as Faith jumps, completely unaware that she is actually playing with her sister.

Faith had 2 shots and was a trooper as well. They EARNED those french fries we got with lunch...LOL
(Hi, my name is Brittany and I feed my kids cholesterol filled, fattening foods...and I really don't care what people think about it. ha ha. If it makes those of you that are completely disgusted feel any better, I will be sure to give them some fruit with dinner...it all evens out, right?)

Lunch was short today...too short. But it was nice to see Jeff and enjoy some time with my hunky man. He really is the sexiest man alive...I should notify People magazine that they were WAY off last year when they picked whoever they picked (I think it was Adam Lavigne from Maroon 5... I don't really pay too much attention, since I know they're always going to be wrong.) My favorite look of his is the smile he gets on his face when he is completely amused by something the kids are doing...that smile would sell dirt on the bottom of some designer shoes... seriously, model potential.

Anywhoo, darlings. Onward and upward. Life continues to move forward. No sense in stopping to wallow in the hard stuff because it just makes it take longer to get through.

Stay positive, stay prayerful, and know that I love you, wherever you are, whoever you are, for actually caring about my random life stories (and maybe you just love my meal plans and deal with the random stories in between...but thanks for that too.) Thank you for your prayers and warm thoughts. They have been felt.

Hugs and loves until next time, darlings.

Moved In and Moving On...

Well,

Sorry I've been incommunicado the last week or so. We ended up moving sooner than expected (like 5 days sooner), and didn't have internet for a good chunk of time. To my faithful readers that love my meal plans, never fear. I have one coming. I just need to finalize a few things. We've not been feeling too well in our house for the last few weeks, so I decided that this next group of meals will be freezer meals. Should be pretty exciting (if meal planning excites you like it does me...I'm such a nerd...*sigh*)

We're now residents of Logan, UT. Jeff is loving his new job. Next week, he will be headed to the bible belt to work on billboards in Georgia and Tennessee. There are possible plans for him to go to Russia since they just sold a new billboard in Moscow, so he is in the process of getting his passport all together (and I'm in the process of being totally jealous if he gets to go without me...LOL). Yes, this job requires a lot of travel; however, his other job would have required him to be gone for 2 weeks at a time with little to no contact, and the most he will ever be gone with this job (unless its an international job) is 5 days. He is ALWAYS guaranteed to have his weekends, and when he's here in Logan working, we're guaranteed that the latest he would ever be home is 5:30 or 6 (and that's if he's working overtime. His shift is supposed to be over at 3:30 in the afternoon.)

I knew what I married into when I married my smarty pants electronics technician. Jeff isn't the kind of guy who would be content with a factory job doing the same thing day in and day out...and so, the only other jobs that he would be able to get that aren't him doing the same thing every day are travelling jobs, going where the malfunctions are, and troubleshooting like a boss.

The girls seem to have adjusted well. The first night here in our new place, they both woke up at one point or another terrified because they didn't recognize where they were, but they have figured it out.

They are loving our new backyard (we share it with the people who live on the main floor of the house, we have the basement).  Faith is particularly in love with the swing set. We have a hard time convincing her to come in any time we go outside for anything.  They are also loving the new found freedom. With the set up of this particular basement apartment, putting up baby gates where we normally had them is impossible or doesn't make sense...they like to sit at my feet while I'm cooking in the kitchen, which makes Jeff really nervous, and they like to open and close drawers and cabinets...this has led to several unfortunate pinched finger incidents in the last week...we're hoping they learn their lesson. (Don't worry, I have made sure that all of my chemicals and cleaning supplies are on the top shelf in the bathroom. The worst the kidlets can do is open the cupboard under the sink and smash one of my glass vases...since that was the only place they'd fit. I've been good about catching them when they have opened that cupboard though. We haven't had any incidents of them trying to open those cupboards for 3 or so days...so maybe we've made progress?)

As far as getting help to have therapies in place for Faith is concerned, I was shocked to have my email to the local infant/toddler early intervention program answered within 10 minutes.  I should have a phone call between Tuesday and Friday next week to schedule a first meeting to gather the information they need and to figure out what services she needs and who will be giving them.  I have been pleasantly surprised by how easy the transition is seeming...here's hoping it remains fairly straight forward and easy and there aren't many hoops to jump through.

So...my life this last week has been all about unpacking and fighting being sick...once all the boxes are gone, things will be fairly normal.

As I sign off darlings, here is your daily dose of cute. Who doesn't want to look at pictures of my girls playing in the backyard?

And of course, you need pictures of Halloween. We had a Tinkerbell, a Minnie Mouse and everyone raved about an appearance from Mario and Luigi...(seriously, we had random little kids giving us high fives on the street. They thought we were SUPER cool).

We crashed my friend's trunk or treat since we didn't know what our ward would be up to (Thanks again, Meikjn!) We had a lot of fun and the girls' candy buckets were overflowing by the end. We opted not to do any more trick or treating afterwards, we just walked back to Meikjn's house and took off because it was FREEZING cold...and with good reason, since we woke up to snow the next morning.  Faith started to get what we were doing, and contentedly held Jeff's hand as we walked up to the different cars to say "trick or treat". She even shocked us by starting to reach into bowls for candy when people offered to let her pick (we didn't think she would do something like that at all...so it was a nice surprise). Overall it was a fun night and Jeff and I have discussed the idea of Mario and Luigi being our traditional costume because everyone thought we were so cool...LOL We shall see...

Hugs and loves until next time, darlings!

Moving Forward

Its 1:30...

I am in desperate need of a shower, but I have two little monsters in the room next to the bathroom that are fighting sleep... I could be packing...but I just want a break after a morning of scrubbing the kitchen and packing the last of our dishes.  I still need to resweep and mop, but I figure that can wait until I've scrubbed myself down.

Its been a VERY busy last few weeks.

Jeff got a call about a job in Logan, UT...a job he apparently applied for over a YEAR ago, and they were JUST getting around to hiring for the position...It came at a time of kismet. Jeff had been unhappy for a while at Schlumberger, but hadn't been mentioning much because he didn't want to worry me...but it all came out as we discussed whether or not he should take a final interview in Logan.

After listening to his heart and concerns, we added going to a job interview in Logan to our weekend plans.

After a quick jaunt to Logan, an interview and a verbal job offer, we stopped in Logan Canyon to take some family pictures and headed back to Rock Springs with a lot to think about.

On Monday, Jeff received and accepted the official offer and moving became a reality.

I'm seriously bummed about leaving Rock Springs. I know I haven't blogged much about life here, but I will say that the people here are the friendliest people you'll meet (similar to Missoula, MT where I did my Master's degree).  The town is big enough that you can get everything you need, but small enough that people still reach out and try to be kind to everyone they know. Its the type of town where you can have a complete conversation to with strangers in line behind you at the grocery store. A bigger town with a small town feel...and I have loved every minute of it. I've been content here...

However, after some of the experiences and conversations Jeff has had with management since we made the decision, I am feeling very much at peace about this decision to head back to Logan.

I was surprised when we were back in Logan, how easy it was to slip back into routine and feel at home. I know that I will be okay starting over again. I know it will be work, don't get me wrong, but if my nomadic childhood (From 4th grade on I pretty much went to 2 to 3 schools for every grade with the exception of 9-11 grade when we were in Blackfoot) has taught me anything, its how to pack, be organized and start over with a smile and new hope that things will be better.

The Lord has surely drawn us back to Logan. The timing of the call, the age of the resume that they were using, the fact that Jeff's brother just happened to have a 2 bedroom rental in our price range open, and that the company is going to pay our moving expenses, all point to this fact.

The move here to Rock Springs did some very important things for us: 1) It allowed us to get out of the financial hole we'd fallen into when Jeff was unemployed. 2)It allowed us to save some money and pay off debts that had mounted after an ER visit for me while we were uninsured and 3) Most importantly, we were able to get access to the services we needed to find a direction to travel to help Faith.

As far as what is going to happen with Faith, I really don't know.

She failed one hearing test, and then 2 weeks later she passed it.

Our speech therapist (who has been AMAZING) feels really bad that she doesn't have a better idea of what is going on at this point. Some days she says Faith looks like a classic case of Asperger's or another low grade Autism Spectrum Disorder and other days it seems like she is completely deaf. She thought  that by now she would have been able to have given us a referral and we would have found the answers.

At this point, this is what we know: We will likely follow up with an audiologist to check and see if she has a malfunctioning cochlear nerve (ie some days it allows her to hear and some days it shuts off like she is deaf) This is a real thing, in fact, our speech therapist has another patient that is dealing with it and it was easily fixed with hearing aids....having said that, she also said that Faith's speech delay is FAR MORE severe than the speech delay that this other patient was dealing with. The other possibility is that there is fluid build up that comes and goes behind her ears causing there to be days when the ear drum cannot vibrate and days where it can, this problem would be fixed with surgical placement of tubes.  We will have to put off a visit with an audiologist until we are on new insurance in January, but our speech therapist said that shouldn't be a big deal.

We also still need to see a developmental psychologist, but were assured that the infant toddler program in Utah should be able to refer us to one free of charge or at a discounted cost for services through their program.  We just need to be sure if we can rule out any Autism Spectrum Disorder, and considering that some days she seems to show all the classic signs and others she doesn't, this assessment could be tricky.

We have had some encouraging developments in the last few days. Faith has most definitely learned the sign for milk. She will bring me her sippy and I will ask if she wants juice or water or milk and make all the signs as I say them and she without skipping a beat has been able to sign milk. She does sign water, but generally she doesn't want water and after I bring her water, she hands the sippy right back because she is unhappy with the contents. I'm hoping she will eventually catch on with the sign for water like she has for the sign for milk.

It isn't much progress, but its progress. I definitely feel like I'm beating my head against a brick wall some days, but when we do make baby steps it makes it all worth it--even if its a fleeting moment.

For now, we will transfer her paperwork to Utah's program and try to continue with services there. Our speech therapist said she would give me some exercises to work on with her in the meantime.

Phillie has been talking up a storm.

The other day we were trying to get her to give us kisses and she would shake her head no and then bury her face in a pillow or blanket. Finally, I said, "Fine, if you won't give me kisses, I'm going to steal them." She emphatically shook her head and said, "You can't get 'em" before hiding her face again... Jeff and I laughed about it for the next 20 or so minutes.  She also asks "Where we going?" when we leave the house, says, "Let's go", "Love you."...and plenty more. She doesn't talk all the time, but the random outbursts of perfectly understandable phrases are always a source of a little chuckle. This kid is definitely a comedienne!

Packing with them around has been interesting. We've had several flips and konked noggins after the girls have decided its a good idea to crawl up on boxes to reach things they've never been able to reach before. I particularly have to watch them around the piano because they situate the boxes like stairs and try to crawl on top of it. Phillie has several "battle wounds" from her futile attempts to be "king of the piano" (kind of like that grade school game "king of the hill" only the winner is the last one sitting on the piano?)

All in all, I may not know where we're ultimately going to end up, but there is comfort in knowing we are headed that way together. I am so grateful for my husband who works so hard so that I can be home with my girls.  This new job will definitely stink because he will be required to travel weekly, but at least he will be home every weekend and he has a boss that fights for (and usually succeeds in winning) holidays off so he can be with us.  We also will be closer to family (his family is in Logan and the surrounding area), and that means a lot too. When he's gone, I will have their support and that means a lot.

Well darlings, onward and upward. I think I may actually be able to take a shower now...but while I'm scrubbing away how about you take a gander at the decent family picture shots we managed to get last weekend...and you're welcome...

I LOVE Phillie's face in this one...its probably the best one we got.

I was testing lighting and had Phillie on my hip...I figured, WHY NOT? LOL

I wish Faith had been looking at the camera in this one because I actually really like the composition of it.

Hugs and loves until next time, darlings...

"Me" Time...

Life is hard.

I know what you're all thinking..."Thanks for that observation, Captain Obvious."

I've been really struggling lately to find balance.

Faith's therapy has been intensive and I feel guilty if I'm not devoting time to her when she is awake, working to help her overcome her difficulties with communication...then I feel guilty because Phillie is awake and here too and needs my attention just as much as Faith does...then Jeff gets home and needs attention...my voice students come over at sporadic points throughout the day diverting my attention from where I want it to be, then I need to get things ready for the Young Women (did I mention I was called to be the YW President last month at the end of the month?), and have my outside commitments like community choir...In short, I feel like Bilbo Baggins at the beginning of the Lord of the Rings, like too little butter scraped over too much bread...

Yesterday, we finally got some news that we'd been waiting for...Faith failed her hearing screening.

We're not sure how much she IS hearing, as the OAE only tests whether or not the sensations sent up the nerve in the ear come back out...Faith failed on both ears. The next step is either to continue with the Infant Toddler Program's path and have one more screening done at the local elementary school (can't remember what they called it, but it isn't 100% accurate as it asks a very small, very wiggly toddler to sit on my lap facing forward while sounds play behind her, to her side, etc. and they watch to see if she responds to the sounds that are playing around her...) and THEN if she fails that being referred to an audiologist (likely at Primary Children's in SLC) to see how much hearing loss we're talking about OR I can just talk to her pediatrician at her well child exam on Tuesday next week to see if she will use the failed OAE screening as proof enough that she can just refer us directly on to an audiologist for testing... We will see what the pediatrician says on Tuesday, but our speech therapist said that given Faith's symptoms (not speaking, preferring to babble mostly vowel sounds, not responding to her name, spinning at random times (if its hearing loss, she is likely doing this to stimulate her otic nerve), not responding to sound stimuli around her (i.e. people snapping or clapping next to her head to get her to turn around), and her newfound penchant for using her soft palate to babble instead of her lips (again, likely to stimulate the otic nerve because that is probably how she can hear the sounds that she makes the best)), she would wager that the failed OAE is correct and we're dealing with hearing loss and that she wouldn't blame me in the least for wanting to skip the second test with the audiologist at the elementary school and move right to the more drastic testing to measure how much she DOES hear in order to get her the help she needs...speech therapist is wagering that since oto-toxic antibiotics are involved, we may be looking at hearing aids, but said there are any number of reasons why the hearing loss has happened.

Well...with this news, and the knowledge that I am likely going to be spending some more time in SLC and travelling there, I knew something had to give.  I'd been debating for a little while, as I've been struggling with balancing everything since we started therapies, quitting the community choir. I'd held off because it was the ONE thing I was doing for myself...but at the end of the day, SOMETHING has to give...and unfortunately, as much as I love it, its the easiest thing to cut out at this point...I've debated dropping voice students, but I want to wait to see what happens with the pediatrician, audiologist, and Faith's diagnoses before I do something that drastic, but that may end up happening too...

My family will ALWAYS come first before anything I do for myself.  I've decided that if I want "me" time, I will just ask Jeff if I can go get a massage or something when I'm feeling tense, and I will take time when the girls are napping to practice my music more and maybe even start composing  and arranging music again (haven't composed/arranged music in a while and that could be a fun way to relieve stress.)  Faith, Phillie, Jeff and time with them are more valuable than 2 hours at choir during the week.

I will say that, even though it killed me to write the director, I felt 100,000 times lighter after it was done. I knew I made the right decision.

Right now, I need to focus on being a wife, mom, therapist, chauffer, housekeeper, and historian...

The director was lovely about accepting my resignation from the choir and told me I was welcome back whenever I felt like things had slowed down a bit.

I am content. I know that some of you may be thinking that this isn't really a "healthy" way to look at things...that I should have dropped something else before dropping my "me" time, but sometimes the easiest thing to do, is the right thing to do...in dropping choir, I've freed up 2 hours of time...time to be able to be there to put my babies to bed at night and enjoy their snuggles, time to cuddle up with my husband and talk about my stresses and what I've done during the day and listen to his stresses, and time to SLEEP!

In the end, I am a wife and a mother. I chose this path.  Its not a sacrifice to quit the choir... it would be more of a sacrifice to look back and regret that I wasn't able to be fully present because I was preoccupied elsewhere and I MISSED something vital and important. That is something I could never forgive myself for...

photo credit ME! Yep! I took and edited this, I'm pretty proud of myself. I'm doing a bomb diggity job as family historian, right?

Besides, who wouldn't want to be hopelessly devoted to THIS awesomeness?  Every smile, every giggle, every hug, every tantrum, or tiff over a toy is precious...and I will miss it someday...you can't get a minute back once its gone or wasted...so I choose not to waste them...I choose to be present...this IS my "me" time.

Hugs and Loves until next time, darlings.
 (Oh...you want more cuteness? Here you go...and you're welcome.)

A Much Needed Weekend

I am currently laying on the bed of an executive suite at The Meadows at Parkwood Apartments in Idaho Falls. As I lay here, I am thinking of how much we needed this weekend...

Sadly, the family fun was cut short a bit because my brother Aaron and his wife Holly had to pack up their kids early and head back to Boise because of car troubles. They needed her parents, who were on their way back from Utah, to follow them in case they broke down. I can happily report that they made it back home safely. Love you Aaron and Holly, we were glad to see you and your kiddies, even if it wasn't for as long as we'd hope.

I would make this a post full of "family fun" that we've had this weekend, but much of yesterday was spent waiting to take family pictures and chasing my 18 month old away from the stairs at my older sister's house... We have had a nice, relaxing visit...which brings me to the topic of my post...

While seeing family has been the purpose of our weekend visit to Idaho Falls from Preston, I think there was a much bigger goal accomplished...

I think we needed a change of pace, a change of scenery and a chance to just relax and breathe for 5 minutes.

Poor Jeff, my superhero, has been spending pretty much every day of the last three weeks filling out job applications and glued to the LDS jobs website, the state employment department website, and Craig's List looking for jobs that he is qualified for and can apply for. He probably has sent out well over 150-175 resumes and likely filled out 75-100 extra applications... and the poor guy has probably dealt with more rejection than he ever thought he would in his entire life.

I am happy to report that he hasn't once opened his computer to look at job listings (at least not that I'm aware of.) He has just allowed himself to sit, relax and play with the girls, and play a little Starcraft here and there.

Last night I went to bed so physically exhausted I could barely see straight and woke up feeling still so exhausted that my entire body felt heavy. All afternoon as we were with family I was longing for the comfort of the bed in this little executive suite because I just wanted to sleep and relax... something I haven't let myself do because I have been worrying so much.

Jeff mentioned that he was feeling the same way. Just exhausted... but actually feeling like he was getting a chance to relax and take a break from worry and stress.

In some ways, I feel like we've turned a corner. It almost feels like we can see the end of this crazy time and that we are starting to see the hidden blessing that Heavenly Father has been trying to unlock for us.

Last week, Jeff had a company in Cache Valley close to where we live call him to take their employment tests. They even had the technical college where they do the testing give him free training in high voltage safety before the test and certify him...which means he can put this certification on other job applications if he doesn't manage to land this job... which is a huge blessing because many of the jobs he's applied for have said no because he had no actual experience with high voltage (just a section in his last electronics class at ISU where they breezed over it), and now he does.  He has a final interview with them on Tuesday.

We are hoping its one of those " We're just interviewing you in person as a formality but you have the job" interviews...it would be a huge blessing for us if Jeff got the job because we really can't afford to move somewhere else as a family... if he got a job in another city it would likely mean living apart for 2 weeks to a month as we save up enough for a deposit and first month's rent on an apartment or house where ever he got a job... We have a 50/50 chance that its one of those interviews, as Jeff was only competing with one other person for the job...its either the aforementioned good type of interview we're hoping for, or its a ,"You both tested really well, and we're not sure what to do so now you have to convince us" types of interviews...the kind where you just have to pray that you sold yourself better than the other guy did.

Tomorrow (Monday), he has an interview at ISU. His professors were nice enough to let him on the list of interviewees for a company that is coming to recruit new techs for a new factory they built in Caldwell, ID. They want to get it up and running and need quite few techs to do so. Because they need so many techs and are eager to hire new grads (especially new grads from ISU) we are pretty sure he will be a shoe in with his extra certifications...

At this point, while I would love him to get a job in Cache Valley so we can stay together and avoid having to uproot EVERYTHING all over again, I am just praying he gets good news and knows that he has a job this week so we can  relax the rest of the way...it would be nice to be able to relax like we've been able to this weekend and just enjoy the time we've had together.

This weekend has definitely taught me that I am just SICK of being stressed...I am making myself ill...and its not good for me or for my family. I need to be able to function and take care of my sweet baby girls...and I need to be strong for Jeff. We help hold each other up, and I can't help but feel like lately he has had to bear more of the weight than I have. I love my superhero (and he is a SUPERHERO...no one can make me believe otherwise.)

Hopefully, the tunnel we've been walking in will be completely lighted this week and we will know what we're doing and where we're going. At this point, I am relying on the Lord. I know God has a plan for us, and I know he has a place he wants us to be. I fully believe that he uprooted everything and Jeff was laid off for a good purpose, not to make us miserable. I believe he has a better future in store and we just have to be willing to let him lead us to it...it may not be our plan...but then again, His plans are always infinity times better than our plans...

I am still worried...my stomach is still twisted in a never ending knot...but I am not allowing myself to lose faith that things will get better...but I can't help but be worried about all the stuff in between now and the point where things start to get better...bills still need to be paid, kids still need to be clothed, fed and taken to the doctor, and we still need to be able to take care of ourselves too... While I trust that the Lord will provide, I have to wonder if I'm doing all I can so that He can make up the deficit...

In a way, I guess my worry helps me to stay on my toes and keep working as hard as I can to help things to work out in the meantime...so in an odd way, my worry wart ways are a blessing...even if I am so nauseated and tired all the time that I can barely see straight...at least I know I'm getting stuff done, right?

RIGHT???

I think I need to continue praying...but I know that as I pray, He is there listening and He will make it all better...he is our Father...and that is His job. He can only give us what we ask Him for.

Hugs and Loves until next time, darlings.

Raindrops Keep Fallin'....

We made the trip to Idaho to say goodbye to my husband's best friend. Spc. Cody Moosman.  The funeral was lovely. I think the only thing I found in bad taste was the news camera that followed the funeral processional from the church up to the cemetery... I get that its news and a big deal, but there also has to be a level of tact.   According to Cody's family, the news media wasn't supposed to do that, but they didn't even notice- so I suppose we can chalk my offense to it off to pregnancy hormones.

Our trip up was very nerve wracking. About a mile outside of Cedar City, our car decided to beep at us, and the engine shut off, leaving only the electric motor running to get us safely to the side of the road.  We got there, shut off the car, and started it again. It appeared to be working fine...until it did it again on the way up the hill...and again a while later on another hill...Jeff, being the genius he is (seriously, my husband is brilliant!) realized that it was happening when the car went over 3000 RPMs.  So...we nervously kept going, keeping the car under that 3000 RPM mark...meaning that for much of the trip we were going anywhere between 45 and 60 mph on the freeway...we stopped at a Ford servicer outside of Nephi, UT, but they didn't have anyone that was certified to work on Hybrids....so we nervously made our way to Salt Lake City, UT.

Let me tell you, the most terrifying words you can read on a sign are "No shoulder 17 miles." Needless to say, the ride through the construction in American Fork and Provo was definitely NOT a picnic.  Especially because much of that area (coming back to Idaho) is an uphill drive. I prayed the whole way through that we wouldn't break down and cause a traffic jam.... we were almost through Provo when the person in front of us decided to stop and let someone on the on ramp into traffic. We almost rear ended them because they stopped so suddenly, and in return were almost rear ended by a giant yellow semi...fortunately, we AND the semi had good brakes...fortunately, Heavenly Father was looking out for us...

Our Tom Tom is out of date, and we refuse to pay the arm and the leg to update it (maybe we should, but we find for the most part it gets us to where we want to go.) So we had a little trouble locating a Ford servicer. It would say there was one in one place, and it wasn't there anymore...fortunately, my husband is also not afraid to stop and ask for directions. We pulled off at a Sears Auto Store to ask for directions to one. They were super helpful... but Jeff turned too soon and we ended up back on the freeway headed South...so we had to turn around...After a very, VERY long drive, we finally made it to help.

The dealership was super kind.  They originally had asked if there was any way we could leave the car overnight and let them look at it in the morning, but when they found out that we were on our way up for a funeral the next day, they bent over backwards to help us. I fully intend to send them a good old fashioned thank you note sometime this week, that is for sure.  The manager of the mechanics asked one of his Hybrid guys if he was willing to stay late to take a look and possibly fix it, and explained our situation. The mechanic agreed...we probably ended up paying through the nose for it when it came to labor- but it was very nice of them to be willing to do everything they could to get us out and on the road before they closed.  3 hours and $817 later, we were back on the road...

YUCK!

However, in a way, we can see the hand of the Lord in it. We had just recently paid off a huge chunk on our credit card, making it possible for us to fix the car...also, if the problem had gone unchecked there may have been a possibility of us needing a $9,000 transmission repair...that's what we paid for the car... so I will take an  $800 bill over $9000...thank you very much! Heavenly Father was being as good to us as he could be...and I'm grateful for what little silver lining I can find when things seem to be going badly, that is for sure.

Of course, already agitated by burning up $800 on our credit card, it didn't help when we pulled out onto the freeway to make the rest of the trip to Preston, ID and a cement truck lovingly flipped a rock up and cracked our perfect windshield...I think my husband's exasperated cry of , "Come on! Is there anything else you want to throw at us? BRING IT!" said it all for both of us- we were at the end of our rope.... we drove, watching the crack spread and listening to the sounds of our 9 month old screaming in the back seat... the last 2 hours of the trip were a little slice of heaven, let me tell you... I think the only thing that made it palatable was discovering that Faith thinks the "Mahna Mahna" song by the Muppets is hilarious. She stopped crying momentarily and giggled every time the "doo dooo dee doo doo"s came on...


Things seemed to calm down almost immediately once we got to Preston. We unpacked the car as quickly as possible and put the Little Diva to bed...of course, she wasn't happy. She wanted her crib and all we had was a measly Pack and Play that was hard and didn't have a lot of room for her to roll around, but her exhaustion managed to win after about 10 minutes of screaming and she was out like a light.

The funeral was the next day (I've already given my thoughts on that.) The whole town came out to support Cody and his family...literally. Businesses that were along the route of the funeral procession closed their doors and all the employees and customers stood along the road holding flags or their hands over their hearts. All the scouts, cubs, and their masters were along the funeral route holding flags...some of them were literally giving all they had. It was a warm day and a couple of the cubs close to the church ended up passing out in the heat while holding the flags!  It was crazy, but once they were revived, they came to and insisted on continuing to hold their flags.  A national group called the Patriot Riders came and made sure there were more flags being held at every entrance to the church and along the route. They even rode ahead of the funeral procession to make sure there were flags being held as the procession pulled into the cemetery...Jeff said that Cody never would have believed he could be a celebrity for a week or would have wanted it, but that is what he got.

We visited Cody's mom and dad on our way out of town and she said that the military had offered to let him be buried in Arlington National Cemetery. She was touched and in awe of the offer. She knew that her son felt he was just doing his job, and she felt that way too. She said it was an honor even to hae the offer, but she wanted him close so she could visit.

Well, we spent the rest of the trip seeing family we haven't seen in almost a year. We had to travel around to see Jeff's busy brothers and sisters, each stop was wonderful and we were so grateful that they were able to take time out of their days to accommodate us.  My family managed to throw 2 barbecues...one was somewhat impromptu at my little sister's house (she wasn't anticipating we'd be there in time for dinner and had invited my parents over, but was all too gracious and amazing and invited not only us, but my older sister and her brood as well so that everyone could get time with me and my little fam! You rock Kiersten Lynn, you rock!)  My older sister also threw an awesome BBQ at her house on Monday. It was fun to watch all the kids run around and play and the burgers and salads were delicious! Thank you to you too Amber Sue!  

Things would have been much more fun on the trip if the Divine Miss Cupcake hadn't decided to drop on Sunday.  I was pretty much miserable the rest of the time and having scary pregnancy symptoms, some that I knew were normal, but since I didn't experience them with Faith they made me very nervous... Since I was feeling so "off" I checked our insurance company website to make sure that I would be able to get medical care if I needed it and had no luck. There was no hospital in even a 200 mile radius that would take our insurance.  I continued on, feeling miserable and worried for the next few days and finally asked my husband if we could cut the trip a few days short...he heard my concerns, agreed with me that something was off and we decided to head back sooner...

It ended up working out in the end. The day before we planned to make our departure, the doctor's office that I get my ultrasounds done at called and asked if I wanted to come in on a Saturday to get my ultrasound and work done instead of on Monday at my original appointment time...we agreed and hit the road on Friday. The trip home...was a breeze...

Saturday morning, we got my answer about why I was feeling "off"...3 weeks ago I took the Gestational Diabetes test. My doc orders the long form of the test first instead of messing with the 1 hour...the high risk doctor at the place where I do my ultrasounds broke the bad news...I was positive...

I have been kind of upset about it. I took the test 3 weeks ago, and no one bothered to call me to tell me it was positive? The best explanation my high risk doc could give was that the Independence Day holiday may have backed up test results at the lab that my regular OB outsources to. He said they had only received the test results that Friday from my regular OB, so its possible that they hadn't had them for long...

If anything, I'm kind of glad that the high risk doc broke the news. He was very kind and gave me lots of good advice for what to expect. He also reassured me that he will be more involved from now on (which gave me comfort considering how my OB treated me at my last regular appointment. He is usually so nice, but at my last appointment he was kind of a jerk.) and that they will be doing everything they can to make sure that my baby gets here healthy and safe and that I remain healthy and safe in the process.

In short, there is a very real possibility that this baby will have an August birthday instead of a September birthday. We will know after we have another ultrasound at 36 weeks to determine if her belly is getting any more distended than it already is from the extra sugars in her liver.  Apparently, the big concern, if baby isn't showing signs of being high birth weight, is a distended belly that is bigger than the head and can't fit through the birth canal. So, while my baby is measuring to be on track to be an average 7 lbs baby, the belly is measuring a little large in circumference. Again, we will know more in about a month.

So...this means I get to be on a no/low carb diet for the next little while. I will be posting recipes as I come up with them, because at this point I'm at a loss. Its funny, when I was first diagnosed with Insulin Resistance my freshman year of college, I lived and stuck to a low carb lifestyle for years, but as my condition has improved and my medication has worked to help my body process sugars better, I've been able to be a little more lax and let bread, potatoes, and rice back into my life...its so funny that this is such a hard adjustment and that I am having a hard time coming up with things to eat.  I guess I have the added factor of a hungry husband who is already very skinny and losing carbs isn't a good idea for him...which means I have to find more ways to compromise than I did when I was single.

However, I've decided that my silver lining is this: I'd already fully intended to go on a low carb diet after baby got here to lose baby weight and to start feeling healthy again, so this will just give me practice and get me back into the groove a little sooner. Since I'm pregnant any not only my health, but also my baby's health is at stake, it will make it much harder to want to cheat because it would mean that I could be hurting baby, and we definitely don't want that.

Again, be watching for recipes. I will post them as I come up with them as well as tips to include carbs for the people in your house that want them or need them to survive.

I'm not sure how long they will have to monitor me for the diabetes after baby comes, so I will definitely be talking to the diabetic counselor about low carb diets and breast feeding. If I come up with any juicy info for those of you out there that are expecting, or recently had a baby and are breastfeeding and would like to know, I will be sure to pass that information along too. I am supposed to meet with a diabetic counselor this week sometime, so you can be looking for that information as well. :)

In short, as I conclude this little post, when it rains it pours...but I can say how grateful I am that I have been able to stay in the mindset to be looking for the blessings in my trials where I can.  Things in life may not always be perfect, in fact- often times its downright hard. However, I am so grateful for a loving God who is cushioning the fall when bad things happen.  He doesn't give us anything that we can't handle without His help. We just need to remember to be looking for him... remember that at the end of a storm there will be a rainbow in the sky just waiting for eager eyes to discover it!

I won't lie, when we were paying an $800 bill to get the car fixed, and when I was fighting through the anger of having been positive for Gestational Diabetes for 3 weeks without being informed (and having eaten all the junk I did while I was on the trip...)  it was hard and I wasn't looking for God...but I am so grateful for the knowledge that He hears and answers prayers because when I prayed, I was able to center myself and I was able to start seeing where He was working his magic to make my life a little more bearable through the hard stuff.

Here's to a new journey starting...low carb, here I come...and Baby #2...Hopefully if anyone is out there struggling with similar problems I can be of assistance. I am excited to see the diabetic counselor and update my education on living a healthy low carb lifestyle, as well as how to continue that lifestyle after baby so that we both can benefit.

Hugs and loves until next time darlings!

Sensational Saturay

Jeff and I sat down (or rather fell down) at the end of the day on Saturday and agreed that we hadn't had such a full, activity filled day since we got married.  We were lucky enough that the house was in order and we had no errands to run- those days are rare when we start his weekend off from work.

We, on a whim, decided to go to hit some yard sales. I was hoping we'd be able to find some things that I could fix up for the new baby (like a crib, bedding, you know all that stuff that you realize you don't have enough of when your current baby is only going to be 10 1/2 mos old when her little sister gets here?) 

We did find a few cribs and things, but I was SHOCKED by what people were asking for them. I know the point of a yard sale is to haggle a bit, but honestly, the prices were so ridiculous there was no point.  One crib was beautiful and converted to a toddler bed, and was definitely worth the asking price, but we just couldn't afford it...the other...well we could have gotten the same set up for the same price BRAND NEW in the store....we did manage to find a Little Einsteins baby gym for the new baby for $10 (usually $50 in the store, so I thought we did well) and a big pile of books for the Little Diva (as I was getting sick of reading the same 3 over and over...a dollar a piece for board books and touch and feel books is a pretty good deal.) 

Jeff found more deals than me, he got a video game he'd been eyeing in the store for $10 (as opposed to the regular $40-60 sale price), a shelf unit for the garage for $1 and a bunch of  tools that he'd been looking for for $5. 

I went home a bit dejected, and running low on faith that we'd find what we were looking for at a decent price before the Divine Miss Cupcake makes her arrival in September. 

I decided to stop being dejected and that we would just go have some fun instead. Since we were both feeling up to it, we decided to take Faith to the splash pad for the first time. Of course, we forgot the camera and ended up having to take some not so great pictures with Jeff's phone and have his mom email them back to us (we're cheap and refuse to pay for internet for our phones...we don't need them beeping at us all day long... If I want to know what's in my inbox, I'll check it myself, without a prompt, thank you very much...) So...here's a cheesy photo montage from the splash pad.  

First time in a swing!!!

I think its safe to say she likes it...

First time down a slide (with assistance, of course...)

Playing in the water with daddy

Splashing, wet, and happy! Love that we can do stuff like this for FREE!

Just chilling in her own private area of the wading pool...no big...LOL

When we came home, I decided I would hit Craig's List to see what kinds of cribs were out there that people weren't trying to group in with a yard sale...I was again pretty dejected by what I was finding- everything was just so OVERPRICED!  Because I had nothing better to do, I sat with my search page open for an hour and hit refresh every 10 minutes just to see what would pop up...and then- there it was!  $100 convertible crib with a dresser that attached on the side and 2 drawers underneath. It came with 2 mattresses- one crib mattress and one toddler mattress...I opened the ad  not really knowing what to expect...it wasn't the dark color I was hoping for, it was a blonde wood- but it was sturdy, in good shape, converted to a toddler bed and it solved the age old question "Where are we going to put everything in the nursery?"  

Jeff drove up to North Vegas and after looking it over, he decided to bring it home....

BEHOLD our new project!

Its fairly decent, there are just a few pieces that are pretty scratched up.  We're thinking we will leave sections of it the blonde color, and because paint is easier to upkeep, we're going to paint the larger portions a nice dark/chocolate brown color or black to update it and spruce it up a bit.

I will post pics of our little project as we DIY baby! 

I'm also hoping to start the nursery soon too...I'll be posting pics as I get projects done.  I'm pretty excited, I'm going to do it in an old school Care Bears theme. I have a cute idea for some new nursery letters, mobiles and wall decorations. If you live in an apartment, or you're afraid to paint the walls in your house (I know some people that feel that way) then you won't want to miss my little projects...hopefully, they will give some people a little inspiration for their own decorating needs.  

Well, I have a crabby Little Diva crawling around next to me. She's mad because I won't let her play with the computer, so I'd better scurry!

Hugs and loves until next time darlings!

Fantastic Father's Day

Well, Father's Day has come and gone in the Nielson household like a tornado.  It almost seemed to go too fast, and I found myself wishing that things could have slowed down a few days before so everything could be "picture perfect"....but life isn't always "picture perfect" and it would be pretty boring if it was.  I had lots of grand plans and schemes and only a few came to fruition.

I am blessed with the most amazing husband. He is such a doting and devoted father and, truth be told, he deserves more than one day a year to be honored for all that he does for me and our little growing family.

We kicked off Father's Day on Saturday in a way. We had planned to go to one of the parks in our area that had a splash pad and have a picnic, but we opted instead to eat Little Caesars in our apartment and let the Little Diva take a nap. By the time the Little Diva woke up, Jeff didn't really feel like going out, so we opted to go out to the pool instead.  Faith LOVES swimming...but we may have waited a bit long to go out to the pool. By the time we went out, it was dangerously close to bedtime and, while we couldn't get her to look at the camera to save our lives because she was so transfixed on getting in the water and splashing, and she enjoyed playing with daddy in the water for a little while, we didn't stay out as long as we normally would...in fact, I would wager that we were out for 20 minutes at most before she made it very clear that she was ready to come back in the house and relax before bedtime.

She loves her daddy, but I think the water was calling her name!

27 weeks in all its glory...My pianist for ward choir mentioned that I looked like I was ready to "pop" on Sunday...hooray for tall babies...I don't know if I mentioned it, but at the 20 week scan they were surprised by how long baby #2 is...I guess The Divine Miss Cupcake takes after her daddy and big sister in that regard.

Splash!

The joy of water in her face after she splashed herself...its always one of the first things she does when she gets in the pool.

Kicking her legs to try to swim to daddy...we have to hold her pretty tight because she  really, really wants to swim on her own...

Finally with daddy! She loves to swim with him, and (contradictory to the number of pictures available) she was with daddy in the water for much longer than she was with me.  Daddy swishes her around in the water super fast in circles- she loves it!

This was where we decided it was time to get out...she started whining and kept at it...there were almost tears, so we decided it was time to call it a day.

One wet, happy family!

Safe in a towel- but super tired!

Yeah...I mentioned the tired part, right????

Father's Day morning, I was going to give Jeff breakfast in bed, but the night before we found a cockroach in our bedroom hiding in a box of Cheez-its that we'd been eating for movie night a few nights before...needless to say, a new rule of "no food in the bedroom" was established...so I got up to make him breakfast while he played Starcraft and other games on his computer. When the Little Diva woke up, it was time for the festivities to truly begin...

Faith did her best "cheerleader" moves as daddy opened his card...

This card has some special significance. When I saw this idea on  Pinterest, I knew I had to do it (except I added my own flair having one end be Faith's hand and one end being my hand...) When Jeff and I were dating/engaged (because it all happened so fast and both are simultaneous...) he started making this sweet gesture as I would walk back to my apartment or when I would drop him off places. He would tell me he loved me quietly and give me a kiss, and then hold out his arms as I walked (or drove) away and get on his tip toes and shout "THIIIIIIIS MUCH!" as loud as he could. It would melt my heart every time, and when he does it every now and again, it still does! 

We made an imprint of Faith's hand out of salt dough as well. I was a little bummed because when I put it into hiding it was perfect, but when I pulled it out of hiding to put on the finishing touches, there was a HUGE crack through the middle. The look on her face almost says, "Yo, mom!What happened, it was perfect when I made it!" I found out that she is VERY patient with craft projects and enjoys them quite a bit. It only took us two attempts to get the "perfect" handprint. The first one would have been perfect if she hadn't decided to use her other hand to poke and pull at the dough while I was making it.    Jeff still liked it because Faith had helped make it, so I guess that is all that matters!

Jeff's Father's Day Breakfast (that would have been in bed had we not found our creepy crawly friend...) I made him his favorite German Pancakes, Buttermilk syrup (for those of you that have never had it, it almost tastes like caramel) scrambled eggs with pepperjack cheese melted into them, and his favorite Jimmy Dean Maple sausage.

The full table set up, complete with Donald Duck orange juice to be consumed out of "fancy" glasses...

The whole complete set up...with a child to beg for food that she isn't big enough to have yet...Sorry Boo Boo! You'll get to share Father's Day breakfast next year. :)

We went to sacrament and I conducted the Ward Choir...and we realized that we didn't have a pacifier for Faith...we usually sit in the foyer during Sunday School so Faith can get a little nap in during the day, but without the pacifier this would be an impossible feat...I also couldn't breathe and was enjoying the feeling of Miss Cupcake kicking me very hard in the ribs, and Jeff was tired...we opted to go home and take a family nap instead of staying for all of church...we were glad we did. Faith was out like a light when we got home and didn't even wake up when Jeff pulled her out of the car seat.... we hate and love Sundays in our house-mostly because our church time conflicts with naptime, but know we're not alone in this.  The Little Diva slept for most of the afternoon, which gave Jeff time to call his parents and talk to his dad while I made Macaroni and Cheese for lunch and gave us some time to snuggle a bit.

We spent the rest of the afternoon watching "the Big Bang Theory" (Jeff got seasons 1-4 for me for Mother's Day). Around 3, I started our coup de grats for the day...RIBS!

I was a little nervous that they would turn out, as we don't have an outdoor grill, but we do have a grill pan...I made it work though and Jeff was SUPER thrilled.

We had ribs, corn on the cob, salad, and mashed potatoes for dinner...Jeff said the ribs were as good as the ribs he would order at his favorite barbecue place on the planet (Bubba's for all you Idaho/Wyoming peeps that have one close).

I, unfortunately, didn't get any pictures of dinner, as it was eaten rather rapidly.

All I can say is that I hope my husband had an awesome first "official" Father's Day (I was pregnant last year and so we celebrated a bit...but he didn't want a big hoorah because it wasn't official yet.)  I tried my best to make the day as easy as possible for him. I had every intention of him not having to lift a finger when it came to the Little Diva, but, true to his awesome fatherly form, he was insistent that he help saying, "I love that little girl! I wouldn't let you keep me from helping no matter how hard you try!"

As my husband is a reader of my blog all I have to say is this:

Thank you so much for all you do for us and for all your support and love. I am so lucky to have a partner like you to raise my children with. You, dear sir, have surpassed all of my expectations when it comes to being a husband and father and every day I pray and thank Heavenly Father for blessing me with YOU as my eternal companion.  I am oh so glad that my roommate that you were initially chasing didn't come home that fateful Sunday night when I became twitterpated with you...and that you decided that it would be worth a try to chase me instead.  I'm so glad that you bought an engagement ring on a whim when you were close to a jewelry store one day...and I'm so glad that you caught me off guard and proposed when I wasn't even expecting you to. Every day with you is an adventure Mr. Nielson, and I'm glad that I get to be the one along for the ride. I love you so much.

Hugs and loves until next time darlings!