Simmer Down Now...

WARNING: INCREDIBLY MORMON-Y POST FOLLOWS. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED...SORRY IF IT CAUSES OFFENSE. THESE ARE MY VIEWPOINTS AS I UNDERSTAND THE GOSPEL AND DOCTRINE OF THE MORMON CHURCH AND ARE NOT MEANT TO REFLECT THE OPINIONS OF THE CHURCH AS A WHOLE.

Oh...how the media is hyping over the founder of the Ordain Women movement and a podcaster from Logan, UT being put through church discipline councils...

All I can say, in the words of one of my favorite SNL characters: SIMMER DOWN NOW!....

The church has released their own statement in regards to people being worried that these disciplinary councils are a sign that we as church members are not allowed to question church leaders...and I could leave it at that, but in my efforts to use the internet for good, I feel compelled to share my thoughts and impressions on the situation. Take it or leave it. I have prayed and gone back and forth about whether or not to write this post and ultimately feel like I NEED to say what I have to say.

For starters- we ABSOLUTELY can question church leaders. The point in this situation is that the founder of Ordain Women and this particular podcaster were answered REPEATEDLY through statements and even General Conference addresses about their questions. Instead of taking those answers, praying about where they stood with those answers, and moving on, they persisted to continue to badger and question in very public ways not just church leaders, but fundamental doctrine... In essence, they weren't questioning church leaders, they were and are questioning God...

They claimed to be in good standing with the church and to believe the fundamental doctrine...they just wanted changes to the doctrine...seems like in wanting to change the fundamental doctrine you don't believe in it as much as you think you do.

In response to the podcaster... He (the podcaster) openly supported Ordain Women and also made moves for change so that "openly gay" people could be active members of the church. I will address his questions on openly gay members as I plan on addressing Ordain Women in a moment...

The church responded. Gay members are MORE than welcome to worship with us, hold callings, even attend the temple as long as they are willing to live the standards of the church. There is no sin in admitting same sex attraction, the sin comes from acting upon that urge- just as acting upon heterosexual urges outside the bonds of marriage is a sin. What he was calling for is really a non change... in other words- As long as you're willing to submit yourself to the same rules as other members, if you TRULY believe all church doctrine and follow it, you can admit your same sex attraction and still be fit for service and church membership... Just as any person that sins, you lose privileges and must repent if you act upon urges that are contradictory to church doctrine.

So what changes are you calling for? If that isn't good enough, then what you SHOULD be saying is that you want God to change his mind about the first commandment he ever gave- the first commandment of marriage- TO MULTIPLY.

I will openly admit. God never says "And this is the definition of marriage." in the bible... What He does do is make some commandments about marriage when he gives Eve to Adam.

He tells them to cleave to one another, to go forth and be fruitful, he tells them to replenish the earth and work together to be good stewards over it...but first and foremost- the VERY first commandment he gave was to go forth and multiply.

Can a gay couple cleave to one another and help each other through life- YES, Can they raise children? ABSOLUTELY.   In short, a gay couple sadly falls short on the first commandment- to MULTIPLY. A man and a man and a woman and a woman cannot combine their genetic material to create life- ergo- their union is not a true marriage in the eyes of God.

Hold on- don't get upset. I believe in civil rights! I have plenty of gay friends that I love dearly and I definitely think that if you're going to choose to spend 40, 50, 60 years of your life with someone you should have the right to make medical decisions for them, receive tax breaks, etc. The state can define marriage however the heck they want as long as they maintain the separation of church and state and don't try to require churches to change their doctrine. There are plenty of other churches out there that will happily perform gay marriage because they don't see the bible the way my church does and that is totally okay.

And before you tell me that if I believe that the power to have children makes a marriage and that means that infertile couples don't have a real marriage I need to remind you that, in my belief system, the power to create life extends into the next life and that the married men and women who are following the commandments of God will be blessed to create life in the next life. We will all be in perfected bodies when we resurrect and the things barring them from creating life when biologically they should be able to will be gone.

If my humble opinion of the gay marriage topic should really be known its this: the state has NO BUSINESS defining marriage. Give it back to the people. Back in the day, the church would perform their marriages and report to the state (hence having to look through church bibles for marriage records before a certain point). Let the churches perform whatever marriages they want. IF the state wants to give tax breaks, the churches can report the marriages they have performed and the state accepts them. The only law should be "no marriages between men and animals or inanimate objects, and no marrying someone under the age of 18" yada yada... and there you go.

A big belief that we hold as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is that all men have agency. We all have the right to choose how we will live their lives and by what moral compass we will walk the paths we travel. Do I believe that there is more to this life and its imperative that we make sure our choices reflect an eternal perspective as opposed to being happy in the moment? Absolutely I do,but some people can't comprehend the idea of living for an afterlife...and that is okay.  I believe that even people who "sin" can be good people. I view homosexuality the same way I view drinking or smoking. You make a choice to act on an impulse and choose to continue to make that choice. Does that make you a bad person? NO. The friends that I have that do live a homosexual lifestyle are some of the kindest, sweetest people I know. They still can exhibit Christlike love and be charitable and kind. We all innately are good because our spirits are innately good. They just made a choice to act on an impulse and live continually acting upon it. Ultimately, where they end up on the eternal end of things is up to them and God. The bible says to judge not lest ye be judged, so I won't judge.

By my  moral compass- Yes, homosexuality is a sin. I can say that and not feel uncomfortable. I can also say that I can love people regardless of their sins because we were told by Christ that the manner of men we ought to be are even as He is. Christ didn't rebuke or condemn the woman caught in the act of adultery. He healed all without paying heed to whether or not they were Jews or Gentiles. He taught everyone equally and in the same way. I can be like Christ and love people in spite of them breaking what I believe to be the laws of God without making them feel like crap for it.

To be tolerant doesn't mean I have to believe their life is right, it just means I accept it, kindly agree to disagree and move on.

If you truly believed the foundational doctrines of the LDS church. If you were worthy of holding a temple recommend as this gentleman said he was, then he wouldn't have continued to question God and what has been laid out plainly for him through His word.


Now, onto Ordain Women.

This sister, while well meaning, at the last statistic I heard, only represents about 1%o of the women of the church...1%.... Nowhere NEAR a majority.

To be honest, I find their overall aim very sad and far from liberating.

They are allowing themselves to believe the biggest lie that Satan has told in the last 40 years or so in his attempt to degrade families and attack us...

the lie that if you don't have what someone else does it makes you less...

If I lived my WHOLE LIFE keeping score of what other people had that I didn't, it would be a very sad life indeed.

Living this life causes people to stop looking inward. They stop looking for their own talents and what makes them special. They become preoccupied with the idea that if they just had what X had, they could truly be happy instead of forging happiness for themselves.

Society tells us that in order to be equal we all need the same privileges...  By that logic, using the aim of Ordain Women, we should be giving the priesthood to infants the minute they are born...

The Webster's definition of liberation is "fighting against societal norms"...

Well, then I REJECT the societal norm and by that definition, the aim of Ordain Women is hardly liberation at all. I am, in fact OFFENDED at the thought that I am less because I don't have a priesthood ordination. I don't need to hold the priesthood to be useful or to be equal to anyone.

I celebrate what makes me different from a man.I am a woman. I have some remarkable blessings because I have two X chromosomes that no man could ever possess.

Studies have shown that women have the ability to multitask better than men because of how our brains formed differently, we are more patient, loving, emotional... I EMBRACE those qualities in myself. Following your heart can be more effective than being logical in many cases. I don't need to prove I can be logical...I can be. I have a brain, just as men can be emotional....

What if...and stay with me here...What if we were made differently because we need one another. Because we are supposed to be partners and work together?

What if, by insisting that everyone is the same we are helping Satan to drive us further apart because, by that insistence, we are rejecting our differences and are making it impossible to work together.

I am my husband's equal in every sense of the word, but I am his equal because I am different. Where I am weak he is strong and visa versa. If I spent my days constantly trying to prove myself to make a point, our relationship would never work. He loves me and accepts my faults and weaknesses and I do the same for him. We work together to achieve goals and to make up the difference when one of us is weak and struggling.

The Priesthood is one difference that blesses us.

Let's be honest, if you sit down and think about it, priesthood holders in the church have to work harder than we do as women.  They can't enter the temple without the highest order of the priesthood. As sisters, we have the right to approach our bishop when we feel ready to make temple covenants and start the process to enter without having the priesthood.

In some ways, its God's biggest complement that we don't have the priesthood. Its God's way of saying that he trusts our intuition enough, that he believes we don't need it to strengthen our faith or draw closer to him...lest we forget that if Eve hadn't been smart enough to eat the forbidden fruit, men would still be stuck in limbo waiting for further light and knowledge... she didn't need the priesthood to see that she couldn't complete God's first commandments given in the garden without partaking of the forbidden fruit of the knowledge of good and evil...if you REALLY ponder what that means, it means we were given knowledge BEFORE men because of the actions of an intuitive and emotional woman...how lucky are we?

So why can't we allow there to be differences? The priesthood draws men closer to the spirit by giving them the heavy task to act in the name of God- sometimes at the cost of leaving the comfort of their beds at 2 or 3 in the  morning to administer to the sick and afflicted- to leave their poor wives to sit with little children alone through sacrament as they act as bishopric members- through the priesthood their faithfulness is tested...As women, we don't need that test. Inherently, we are closer to the spirit and Eve proved that when she took the fruit. It has been proven countless times since in the stories of pioneer women who WITHOUT the priesthood were able to use their faith to heal their children and livestock when their husbands were deceased or out with the Mormon Battalion... Our faith can move mountains if we let it, if we truly believe. If you think you need the priesthood to bless the lives of others you are sadly and sorely mistaken.

I will say it again- How sad is it that people are going through this life believing that because they are different, they are less?

My husband may hold the priesthood, but I utilize his priesthood on a regular basis. I am the one who asks him to bless our children because, let's face it, men get so caught up in the big picture as logical thinkers, that they fail to see the little things sometimes. Sometimes they just don't think about it...but by asking him to use his priesthood power, I am helping him to grow closer to the spirit. I am reminding him to watch for the little things, I am reminding him that in the hustle and bustle of every day life he needs to take time out and think of others- to see beyond the tip of his nose.

If I held the priesthood and could just do it myself, I would be denying him that blessing and that lesson. I would be denying him the opportunity to grow closer to the spirit and I would be denying myself the opportunity to be humble enough to admit that I CAN'T do everything all on my own (because, let's face it, as women, we have a tendency to try to do everything ourselves.) In the act of asking, I am forced to remember that its okay to ask for help. Its okay that I can't do everything. Its okay that sometimes I fall short... we are our own worst critics as women from weight, hair styles, appearance, and more importantly in life- we judge ourselves harshly and forget that asking for help is vital to our existence, otherwise we will burn out.

Lest we forget that in order to enter the celestial kingdom, the highest degree of glory, a man and a woman have to have one another. A man cannot make it without his wife just because he had the priesthood and not having the priesthood doesn't exclude faithful women from entry. In fact, faithful members of the church that do not marry in this life are promised that blessing in the next regardless of whether they are a man or a woman. God loves us equally and wants us ALL to return to him and receive celestial glory if we have fought to be worthy of it in this life. The priesthood is only a qualifier for celestial glory for MEN. Another complement from God for us "lowly" women. God has basically told us that as long as we are willing to live righteously, follow the commandments, we will be given what we need to make it and achieve glory in the next life....think of it as God saying "Because you're just THAT awesome."

I can testify of times when my husband was out of town and I wanted desperately to call upon his priesthood power for help with a sick or ailing child or I was sick and ailing...it was in these times I had to rely on my own faith. I prayed and, you know what, God saw my needs. He answered my prayers. I did that- with MY faith. God did that because he saw that I had faith he would make things better. Sometimes my answers came through the kindness of others, sometimes my answers came through deeply personal spiritual experiences that I don't feel I need to expound upon, but the answers to my prayers came. My children received the help the needed, I was given respite in times of illness and affliction.

With or without the priesthood, God will answer my prayers. The priesthood works according to faith. It is the power to act in the name of God- its not the power to BE God on earth-  If I believe I need the priesthood to perform miracles, then I don't have enough faith in my faith.

The men that hold the priesthood will be constrained from acting if it isn't in the will of God.  I think of a scene from one of my favorite books Charly by Jack Weyland. Its based on actual events. At one point, Charly has been diagnosed with cancer. It spreads and gets worse. She asks for a priesthood blessing from her husband Sam. He struggles. He wants to bless her to be healed, but is tongue tied. Eventually, he forces his will and pronounces the blessing of healing...but Charly, in her closeness with the spirit at the time, is all too aware that Sam was not acting in the spirit. She calls him out on it and asks for the blessing she should have received. She received the comfort she sought, and Sam learned a lesson about drawing closer to the spirit and not forcing his will.

It may be the power of God, but it doesn't give men the power to change God's will.

We need to be different. As the above story demonstrates, we need our differences to strengthen one another. In embracing those differences, we WILL defeat Satan, we will allow our faith and testimonies to grow...in fighting to make everyone the same, we allow ourselves to become of the world... we accept the lies society tells us and we fail to embrace the truths that God has placed right in front of us...we begin to deny His will and try to invoke our own as we focus too much on what we don't have. We forget to count our blessings, we become unhappy, and then we end up allowing Satan to bind us in the shackles of sin and vice because we start to wonder if what the world says will make us happy is really the answer. We fail to see our own divinity. We fail to trust that God's will is better than our own. We fail to see that he sees eternity as a whole and we only see slices at a time. We fail to let our faith grow.


In the end, these disciplinary councils are about just that. Two people, working with a small number followers, to try to change the will of God. Two people who fail to see their own divinity. Two people struggling with living in the world and not of it.

They were answered. Church leaders, male and female alike, attempted on numerous occasions to give them comfort and counsel, and they chose not to listen. They chose to continue to insight conflict. They chose to continue to try to impose their own will and act as if they were speaking for the church as a whole. They were deflecting their struggles on each of us in an attempt to try to bring the will of the world and the will of God together.

Sadly, the will of the world is NOT the will of God. I think the state of the world right now can testify of that.

In conclusion, we, as church members, as we question doctrine, ourselves, and church leaders need to remember the cautionary tale of Martin Harris and his desire to show the pages they had completed of the Book of Mormon to his wife.

Martin pressed. Joseph continued to pray and question God's will...Finally, God said, do what you want, but you will deal with the consequences...

In the end, the first 118 pages of the Book of Mormon disappeared. Poor Martin dealt with the guilt and spent years unable to trust his wife, Joseph lost his ability to translate for a time, and the church as a whole lost the ENTIRE book of Lehi...

My husband and I were studying 1 Nephi the other night and he posed the question: I wonder what Lehi saw in his vision...Nephi did a brief synopsis, he doesn't tell us what the great and marvelous things his father saw were... We are missing a HUGE chunk of awesomeness because of a time that men failed and imposed their own will.

In short, any time you try to impose your will over God's it won't end well.

He WILL drag you kicking and screaming from one blessing to the next if he has to...because, God never ceases to bless His children...but will you see the blessings as you kick and scream along the way? Probably not.

It is my humble prayer that this sister and brother are able to see the blessings in their lives. That this time of discipline will help them to gain insight and the humility they need to truly hear the voice of the Lord and receive the personal revelation they need to come to terms with God's will.

It is my prayer that they find their way back and, moreover, can see the divinity in our differences as opposed to focusing on what they don't have. It is my prayer that they will come back with greater understanding of the gospel and WHY God does not change.

I know God loves us. I know he made us different with good reason. I know that I am divine in purpose and have endless worth. I know that I am an equal to every other person on this earth and that I can assert that equality through developing my talents and using them to serve God by serving others. We are ALL special. We are ALL equals in his eyes. It is our differences that make us equal. We all have the same chances for redemption, we all have the same chances to exercise our agency, and we will all be judged equally by our works and our faith.

In conclusion, I will say this about the situation this brother and sister find themselves in: Because we are all equals, there are church disciplinary councils EVERY WEEK in some stake, in some city, in some country. These two individuals are NO DIFFERENT than the other brothers and sisters that have been subject to disciplinary council...the only thing that separates them is they chose to make it public and put "bees in the bonnet" in hopes of swaying more people to support their cause. They will be treated the same as every other person that has faced discipline, they have the same opportunity to speak up and share their side of the story. God is no respecter of persons. He loves us and we are chastised in hopes that we will be able to come to some resolution, be humbled and return as the prodigal son, ready to receive whatever blessings he deems fit for us.

Some blessings come soon, some blessings come late, but they ALWAYS come to those who are faithful and wait patiently for them...even those that have gone astray.

Shame and Guilt:Mommy Wars

Once upon a time, I actually was contemplating being a nurse. I thought it would be amazing to be a labor and delivery nurse at a local hospital. I started taking classes my high school offered that would prepare me for this. One of those classes was Health Occupations. As part of the class, we had to do a shadow project and follow a health care worker around for the day. I called early and managed to snag one of the coveted spots at the labor and delivery unit of the local hospital to shadow the nurses there.

The day I spent there was a whirlwind and a lot of fun to watch. A woman laboring invited me to witness her birth, I got to help in the nursery giving new babies their first "baths", it was a great day...except for one little blip that really bothered me and stayed with me.

There was a young mother getting ready to leave the hospital that day with her baby. I was sitting at the nurses station having a chat with the nurse I'd been shadowing in the nursery asking questions required for my shadow project and another nurse approached.

"The girl in Room 312 is going home in a few minutes...and she is still REFUSING to breast feed. Can you believe it?!" she announced incredulously to the nurses seated at the station.

another nurse that had joined in on my Q&A session spoke up and said:

"Alright, sounds like we need to have another chat."

I then watched as the nurse I'd been shadowing, and three other nurses entered into this girls room and BULLIED her about not wanting to breast feed.

She had her reasons. She was a single mom who worked in a male dominated environment and knew that pumping wasn't going to be a very good option once she went back to work because there wasn't much time to stop and take breaks to do it. She knew legally she had rights to take breaks to pump, but she would rather not have to worry about the hassle of it all.

To me, this made sense...but the nurses kept pushing, bullying, SHAMING her for not being a good mom and doing what was "best" for her baby.

This exchange stuck with me throughout the years.

I understood the importance of breastfeeding. I understood what the baby would be getting, but I didn't see why it was such a big deal that someone DIDN'T breast feed for valid reasons...how did that make them a "bad mom" (yes, the words "bad mom" were used by those nurses that day) if they were trying to do what worked best for their family and personal situation.

Then, my time to be a mother came.

I had planned on everything being as natural as possible. I didn't want an epidural, I didn't want Pitocin, I wanted to experience everything...

I naively spent hours writing a detailed birthing plan that I gave my midwife and handed in at the hospital when I pre-registered.

Of course, I was planning on breast feeding...it was natural. It was what I was supposed to do...I had no reason not to.

Then, the Little Diva came over a month early...the birthing plan I had made so painstakingly was null and void. My water had broken, but my body wasn't contracting and I was at high risk for infection...enter the Pitocin drip...Forget about attempting to breast feed within the first hour after birth- Faith was rushed to the NICU before I even had a chance to see her little face with respiratory issues. She ended up on CPAP for the first 8 hours of her life....

Then, the school of hard knocks really began.

There were so many things that I wasn't prepared for...that nobody had told me.

Since I had said I was breast feeding, the nurses hadn't fed Faith at all. I had hemmorhaged and couldn't walk or stand for the first 8 hours after birth because I was on the cusp of needing a transfusion. I couldn't go see her until late the night after I delivered her. Since she was on CPAP they couldn't feed her yet, so they told me they would bring call me in after they could get her on a canula later that night.

Nobody came.

The next morning, a sweet nurse asked if I was ever going to try to feed my baby.

I had been pumping all night trying to get food for them to feed her through a dropper and I wasn't producing ANYTHING.

Nobody had told me that there were different sizes of suction cups for breast pumps, and being well endowed, my awesome pump had turned my nipples to hamburger because the suction cup was too small...

There was problem number 1.

The lactation consultant and nurses banded together, got me the right size suction cups, and encouraged me to keep going....Still...nothing.

Finally, one sweet nurse said we could try to see about latching since Faith was on the nasal canula instead of CPAP, hoping that maybe it would get me to produce to have the natural stimulation.

Again, my well endowed nature worked against me. My breasts were too big to fit into Faith's mouth with a good latch. Every moment we tried again and again to make it work was painful torture with blisters and scabs opening up...and my baby wasn't getting anything.

The idea of a traumatic birth delaying my production was brought up. One nurse brought me a strange device that you put formula into and it attached to your bra, then a long tube extended down the  breast. The baby would still try to latch, but would suck the formula out of the tube until I could start producing milk.

I was still too large to fit into Faith's mouth and the addition of the tube was awkward and frustrating.

Again, I was told I just needed to keep at it.

Faith wasn't eating enough to go home. Finally, in desperation I asked one of the nurses if I could just try to give her a bottle. I was exhausted. I had hemmorhaged, I had been up all night for 2 nights pumping trying to follow the instructions of the lactation consultant and inside the NICU trying to make this breast feeding thing work, and I just wanted to jump over the last hurdle to get my baby home.

The nurse gave me a shpeel about nipple confusion, and I told her I didn't care, I knew she wasn't getting what she needed because we were focusing too much on the breast feeding aspect of things. Sure enough, she devoured a full 30 mL bottle of formula...shocking the nurses...and slept for the next  hours straight... the first sleep I'd gotten since I'd entered the hospital almost 3 days before.

I still would attempt to breast feed and then, after we would fail at yet another attempt, I would top her off with a bottle.

Sure enough, she was able to come home after  4 days instead of after 2 weeks like they had originally thought...all because she was able to eat like she needed to and wanted to...

I went home and continued my crusade. My poor breasts were broken, bleeding, painful to the touch and swollen all the time. I finally started producing, and decided to give up on latching. I was getting almost no sleep in my attempts to get her to latch and it wasn't successful because she couldn't get a good enough latch to get anything out. It also turned out that my little early bird baby was a voracious eater. No matter how much I produced, I was always behind and had to top her off with formula.

Things did get a little better...I went from NO sleep to maybe an hour and a half in a 24 hour period... My body and my baby were completely out of sync. I would just finish pumping, and she would want to eat, which would work out at first, but then, while we was STARVING, she took forever to eat. I would lay her down almost 2 hours later, and I would need to pump again...and the cycle would start over.

Finally, in desperation to produce more milk so I could be a "good mom" and stop having to top her off with formula, I followed the instructions of a lactation consultant and purchased the herbs that were supposed to increase your milk supply...

BAD IDEA...

I AND my baby ended up covered in hives- we were allergic to one or all of them. A call to the doctor revealed that I would have to throw out any milk I'd produced since starting the herbs and that I would have to continue to throw out anything I pumped for the next week to be sure they were out of my system...

Anyone who said there is no reason to cry over spilled milk never had to dump out six 30 mL bottles full of breast milk and face the idea of having to throw out everything they worked to pump after that for a week...

Tired, broken, in pain...at that point, after 3 weeks of trying to make it work, I decided to stop breast feeding. It just wasn't going to work.

I already felt bad enough...I knew formula was going to be an extra expense, I knew that breast milk was what was going to be "best" for my baby because that is what everyone had pounded into my head...and of course, when I reached out to fellow mommy friends, I was met with another obstacle...SHAME...so much SHAME.

I was being selfish. It would get better. I could make it work if I really wanted to, I just wasn't trying hard enough. Had I called my local La Leche League? They could help give me more pointers. If not, I most certainly hadn't done EVERYTHING I could do. I just COULDN'T stop...PERISH THE THOUGHT! My declaration that I was giving up after 3 weeks of hell for my own sanity, so I could be a better mom, so I could enjoy my baby, was akin to having killed a baby seal on national television to the people that I thought were my friends...

Fortunately, I had a supportive family and husband who had watched me struggle through the last three weeks and were completely on board and helpful in any way they could be.

I decided to ignore the nay sayers and detach myself from them for a while, and focus on learning to enjoy my baby and finding a way to get caught up on sleep so I could feel like a normally functioning human again...

A breast exam by my midwife at my 6 week post partum check up revealed that my breast anatomy is actually slightly askew. I was told that no matter what it would likely always take longer for me to produce anything and I would likely have difficulty producing period.

When I found out a few months later that Phillie had surprised us and was on her way, I was dreading my decision...I didn't know what I was going to do.

I definitely didn't want a repeat of what had happened with Faith, and the realization that I would have a 10 month old AND a newborn to take care of weighed heavily.

My older sister was an amazing voice of reason. She calmed me as best as she could when the subject came up. She said to just try and see what happened and that I knew better where my breaking point was going to be this time...that I was prepared to deal with the public opinion because I'd been through it if I decided it just wasn't going to work.

The day came. Phillie arrived. I learned from my previous experience. There was no birth plan. No expectations. After going through 4 weeks of contractions that weren't causing any change, I was scheduled for an induction at 39 weeks ON THE DOT.

Everything went smoothly. I didn't tear, didn't hemmorhage...and Phillie slept through the entire first night of her life (she had a large head and probably a very large headache. The nurses said to not be surprised if she didn't stir since she was probably sleeping off the pain as the swelling in her head went down.)

I had also learned to say that I was going to do "both" when it came to breast or bottle. Of course, I was met with a shpeel about nipple confusion, but the nurses grudgingly brought some bottles of formula in for me to use should the need arise.

I attempted to get Phillie to latch...and, again, we had the same problem...her mouth was too small and I was too large...and of course, there was nothing coming out...

Since Phillie was eager to try to latch, I would try to get as good a latch as I could and let her suckle until frustration of not being satiated would settle in, and then switch to the bottle. I had figured that this would be better than being up all night trying to pump every 45 minutes.

My last day in the hospital, I had a knock at the door. In walked the lactation consultant...smug, and very proud of herself she announced, " I hear you say you're going to do both breast AND bottle...well, that just isn't going to work. I'm here to help you because you NEED to breast feed and breast feed only..."

I sat in shock for a moment.

Finally I said, "If you have any extra tips, I will happily take them. I just know what my body will and won't do. I don't even have colostrum right now. I'm letting the baby latch as best as I can to stimulate production but I know she is going to need a bottle at the end if I don't want her to starve to death."

The lactation consultant walked towards me, "That is just ridiculous. You have something. You HAVE to have SOMETHING."

She moved my baby down on the bed, and quickly reached out and grabbed my nipple, squeezing as HARD as she could for what felt like an eternity...squeezing every which way to try to get some colostrum to come out and determined to prove to this lesser individual (me) that she was dead wrong...she didn't even ask for my permission to touch me.

Finally, after the shock and horror wore off I asked her to stop and she said, "Hmmm...I guess you don't have anything...well, let's work on that latch then so we can be sure that you're stimulating production the RIGHT way." she said very condescendingly.

I showed her what I was doing. A technique the lactation consultant I'd had with Faith taught me in order to try to encourage the baby to get the nipple and as much of the surrounding skin as possible in an attempt to get a good latch.

"Oh, NO NO NO! That is ALL wrong."

She then proceeded to try to show me a very awkward, very ineffective way to get a good latch that wasn't going to work with my well endowed status.

"There," she said, so proud of herself, "Isn't that better?"

"No, actually, its worse. She has all nipple and no surrounding skin. At least she had some skin in her mouth when I was doing it the way they taught me with my first." I said, eager to get a little of my own back since this woman's obvious aim was to humiliate and shame me into submission...

She then proceeded to try again, each latch getting worse and worse. Finally, she reached out and grabbed my breast again, this time doing the EXACT SAME THING I had done.

"That's what I was doing already." I said.

"Well, " she said, "YOU can't do it because you don't have the vantage point that I do. It will be more effective if I do it and you keep practicing that technique I have been trying to teach you. Right now, I just want to get this baby latched." She said smugly.

"How is that?"

"Mmmm, better." I lied...it felt exactly the same as it had when I had done it...but I just wanted this woman OUT of my room.

She got up and said, "Well, keep at it...and I don't think you should use the bottle. You never know when you'll start to get something in and I would hate for there to be nipple confusion keeping you from being successful..." followed by a shpeel about why formula was so evil and bad and breast milk was so superior...

We came home from the hospital that evening.

Upon seeing me walk up the stairs to my apartment, Faith saw me and started to wail and scream. She hadn't seen me in 2 1/2 days...and, right on cue, Phillie let out a banshee roar to let me know she was hungry.

I had a screaming baby in a car seat on the floor and a screaming baby in my arms that just wanted to snuggle her mamma...

I handed Faith to my mom, took Phillie back to the bedroom for some privacy and then proceeded to have a panic attack...

My mother, knowing something wasn't right, had handed Faith off and joined me in my bedroom.

I was struggling. Wrestling with guilt and shame over the very idea that I wouldn't want to try to MAKE this work...breast feeding was natural. It was something that I was supposed to be able to do. I was a big fat failure..

Lactation Consultant lady had succeeded. I was feeling fully ashamed for my "selfish" thoughts.

My mother stroked my back and held my screaming infant. After a bit, she took Phillie out of the room and asked my mother in law to make a bottle and feed her and returned to me...shaking, in tears, unable to breathe or move...

and then she said, "Brittany, you have to ask yourself this question: Is breast feeding more important than being the best mom you can be to BOTH of your kids. If you're going to have a break down, I think you know the answer to that and you shouldn't feel guilty. It just doesn't work for some women and that is okay. You need to be the best mom and wife that you can be and if you're too focused on this one aspect of it, then you're going to miss everything that matters."

As she spoke, I calmed and I realized how right she was. Yes, nutritionally, breast milk was best, but emotionally, physically, I was going to be a wreck fighting to MAKE it happen for one child, and in the process I was going to miss out on time that my other child needed, that my husband needed. I couldn't spend weeks taxed and worried about making this work. Nature had put me at a disadvantage, but it didn't make me less of a mother...or even a bad mom. My baby would still be fed, diapered, bathed, and loved. It didn't matter what was in her tummy as long as she was healthy.

And with that, I dried my tears and decided to stop feeling guilty, to stop letting all the other voices shame me. It was MY choice and I was making the best choice I could make for my family as a whole...a choice that would allow me to function as a mom of two infants and be able to function as a wife and home maker at the same time....

In the end, Phillie had the worst type of reflux a baby could have. Even if I had struggled to "make it work", I would have had to stop because the only way to avoid surgery for her reflux was a switch to AR formula and giving her the strongest reflux meds a doctor could prescribe an infant in a rather large dose.

So...why am I bringing this up? Why the long preamble to share my story (especially because it may be TMI for some people...and for that I apologize)?

In the last few weeks, I've had several friends voice their intention to stop breast feeding for one reason or another and I have been truly sickened and saddened to watch them go through much of what I did...

Comments from well meaning "friends" shaming them for their decision, begging them to reconsider...or even their own statements saying that they felt like complete total and udder failures for making the decision to stop... emotionally pained that their child easily took a bottle and slept well for the first time since they came home from the hospital.

I understand that a few years ago, the statistics on breast feeding were grim and more and more moms were opting to bottle feed...I understand that ideally, you want to be able to breast feed because for the first 6 months it allows the baby a chance to get extra antibodies from mom to help keep them healthy...

but I also understand that we don't live in a perfect world...and things don't always work the same way for everyone...

WHY then are we allowing ourselves to be shamed for making decisions that work best for our families as moms? Why are we allowing ourselves to be shamed, to feel shame and guilt, when we bravely, openly admit that something just won't work for us? Why do we shame someone else or try to guilt them into going against what they know is right in their hearts?

I know the breast feeding debate is just another facet of the "mommy wars"...but let's get real...Do you get a medal for making it work? No...you don't. Yes, some statistics somewhere say that breast fed babies are healthier and don't have ear infections...blah blah blah...

Both of my kids were mostly formula fed. Neither has ever had an ear infection in their life so far and the only illness we've ever dealt with was RSV in the winter of 2012...which was running rampant and MANY kids got it...

Yes, you don't want to ignore data, but you also shouldn't ignore your heart.

You are NOT less of a mother if you don't breast feed. You are not less of a mother if you can't breast feed...

What kind of a message does that send to adoptive mothers who have no other choice but formula?

What kind of message does that send to mothers who anatomically have issues that prevent them from breast feeding?

Immediately, when well meaning people ask me about my breast feeding experience and I say that I stopped early, there are looks of condescension and the conversation quickly moves on...

I do not deserve to be vilified for making a choice that worked best for MY family.

My friends in the last few weeks that have had to stop for various reasons don't deserve to be vilified either. They made a noble effort. Their choice to stop was a choice made out of love. A choice that allowed them to be the best mother that they could be for ALL of their children, and the best wife they could be for their husband.

We need to end the culture of shaming that occurs around breast feeding on BOTH ends. People complain all the time that they don't get tolerance to breast feed in public... Well, here is my complaint that I don't receive tolerance for having to make the tough choice not to breast feed because nature has decided to work against me...

Why can't we all just get along and admit that everyone is the best mom they can be as long as they are trying as hard as they can to meet all the needs of their growing families?

Nobody is perfect. Nature didn't bless everyone...and nobody is exempt from having life throw you a curve ball.

Yes, by all means, we need to be supportive...but there is a fine line between supportive and condescending.

Yes, you can suggest that a woman thinking about stopping visit with a lactation consultant or a rep from the La Leche League, but you don't need to imply that if she chooses not to do so that she hasn't done all that she can do to try to make it work if she did try... you don't live her life, in her house...you don't see what her struggles are and you don't see the painstaking hours she has spent going back and forth about her decision.

Yes, you can suggest someone at least give it a try if they aren't planning to breast feed period...but the same logic applies...maybe she has a demanding job and she knows that, while legally they have to give her breaks to pump, its just not practical...Maybe she wants her husband/partner to be more involved and feels that sharing the feeding duties is a good way to encourage that bonding? You don't fully know her heart, her thoughts, or her situation.

To my friends that breast feed, I love you! You are amazing! Congratulations on being able to make it work. I am so excited for you and your family.

To my friends that don't, I love you! You are amazing! Congratulations on being able to make a decision that works best for you and your family! I am excited for you too.

To my friends contemplating giving up because its just not working. You are amazing! Look at you try! There is NO SHAME in stopping if its just not working. You are your own best gauge about whether or not you've tried all you can, and its completely your choice. Fortunately, your baby doesn't have to starve because there are nutrient filled options and you can work to find the one that works best for your baby and their digestive tract. You're not a bad mom, or a monster for considering it. If you decide to soldier on, I support you in that as well and hope that you find success quickly.

I saw a meme on Facebook the other day that I loved...it said something to the effect of:
I breast fed, I bottle fed, and it didn't matter because they all ended up eating the same french fries off the floor of my minivan and was like "thanks for cleaning"....

In the end, kids are still going to be kids.

The ultimate gauge of what kind of mom you are, good or bad, is going to rely heavily on what they think, and I can tell you that 99.9% of kids think their mom is the best mom ever no matter what...

Take comfort in that.

As I get ready to have another baby and contemplate whether or not I am going to attempt to breast feed again, I think about that often.

She isn't going to remember that I breast fed her, but she is going to remember the time I spent with her and my attitude.

If the best mom I can be is one that doesn't breast feed because I know I need to sleep, or I know nature hasn't exactly blessed me in that department, or I'm sick of getting mastitis every month without fail, or they have teeth and are biting me and I can't get them to stop no matter what I do...then I am okay with that.

I would rather enjoy my kids than stress over one aspect of their upbringing for months, making myself sick, tired and exhausted.

The only medals for motherhood are the ones we give ourselves in our own minds. We all have a journey to travel as mothers. We all have choices to make. We shouldn't shame or make one another feel guilty for making different choices because that is all they are: different choices for different families who lead different lives.

Hugs and loves until next time, darlings.

Pregnant in America...

So, today I did it...

While my daughter was taking a nap, I forced myself to sit through the documentary Pregnant in America. I tried to watch it while I was pregnant with Faith, as many of my friends highly recommended that I needed to in order to "educate" myself...and I just couldn't get through it...

I guess, because I have a sister who is a Labor and Delivery nurse and I know that there is another side to the story, I was immediately able to see how incredibly one-sided and biased it was and it just made me mad. I wasn't interested in THAT kind of education- the kind where they only give one point of view and hammer how right their point of view is...I'm always a big fan of information, don't get me wrong, but I've also always been the kind of person that likes to see both sides of the coin before I make a decision and flip it...

However, with this pregnancy I've also joined a pregnancy forum online to get a little extra support since my family is so far away, and I can't always reach them if I've had a tough day or a question, and I've noticed a lot of stuff that I've found alarming...stuff that made me want to try to watch the documentary just because I wanted to see if I noticed the same attitudes in the people interviewed...

and I have confirmed the existence of what I see to be an alarming trend... the trend of being overly judgmental and close-minded.

Since joining this forum, I've been able to answer questions of first time moms and have other more experienced moms answer mine. I often find myself bothered by some responses. Sometimes a question posed with genuine concern or curiosity becomes a platform for people to be very negative and belittle one another's decisions when it comes to labor and delivery... the negative comments generally end in fights between people and the help that someone came for goes right out the window!

Call me crazy, but if people are asking for support the last thing they need to hear is that you personally believe they or their doctors are stupid for the decisions they are making...in fact, in many cases people are asking for the input of others that have experienced the same thing and they get answers from people that have never experienced it, but because they have watched this documentary or read that book they think they have all the answers and that they are ALWAYS right, even if someone that has experienced it tells them that a scenario in a book or statistic in a documentary isn't always true for everyone...

For example, say "Abby" posts a question because her doctor has scheduled an induction for her at 39 weeks because the doctor is afraid that her baby is too big. Its her first baby, and she wants to know what to expect when it comes to the induction. Instead of getting responses of insight and encouragement from people that have been through it, she has to read through response after response telling her not to have the induction and that her doctor is a loon for inducing her before she is full term or late, they haven't asked for any background information- or how the conclusion of "the baby may be too big" was come to- they rail into her and tell her that she will be sorry for ever listening to that "quack"... I'm all for education, and I know that some people genuinely aren't aware that they have the right to refuse a procedure, the doctor can only suggest it and yes, ultrasounds are not always right- but if this person has clearly weighed all their options and feels that they can trust their doctor, why would you belittle them? Are you sitting in the doctor's office with "Abby" hearing all the test results? Are you in their head as they weigh the options and come to the conclusion that this is best? Why is it right to jump to conclusions and attack her without knowing the whole story?

If you've read my current blogs, you know that I was just diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes.  The high risk doctor that takes care of my ultra sounds was the one that broke the news of my diagnosis and explained that, while my baby was measuring fine weight wise they had checked the circumference of her belly and it was a bit large ( I guess the extra sugars baby doesn't use end up stored in the liver.) Because of GD, the circumference of the belly can end up being bigger than the head, and, if unmonitored, can become a huge issue and cause need for a C-section because, while the head may fit, the belly won't. In many cases, they opt to induce if that circumference hits a certain point so that mom has a chance to deliver vaginally.

I posted a question about this scenario. I basically asked if anyone with experience could tell me if they would allow me to have skin to skin contact right away or if baby would need to go back to the nursery to be assessed, things like that...instead of getting the knowledge I asked for, I was inundated with responses telling me that I shouldn't let them induce me early. That the ultrasound scans are ALWAYS wrong, and things like ,"I've had a 10 lbs baby vaginally. They are just trying to scare you into the induction."  and other things about how evil doctors and hospitals are...

Let's just say, I didn't even give responses to people and deleted the question. I opted to wait until I could get a hold of my awesome L&D nurse sister to answer them.

If I had left a response to some of these women, it would have gone something like this:

A) I know that early inductions aren't always the best idea, but if they are medically necessary and there is genuine concern, I would rather be safe than sorry. I know well enough that I can honestly say that I wouldn't even be considering it if GD wasn't an issue and if my health and my baby's health weren't at stake. Yes, measurements can be wrong, but when it comes to MY babies, I would rather be safe than sorry.

B) I have been through an induction of sorts when my water broke at 36 weeks and my contractions wouldn't regulate themselves. I know first hand that they aren't ideal, I also know that in 20-30% of cases they end in C-Section- I was an hour away from a C-Section with my first baby...I get it, but, would I do it again and risk it in order to get my baby here safely- you bet your bottom dollar I would!

C) They were concerned with my last birth that baby's head was too big to fit through my pelvis and that could have been what was causing my slow progress...if my MIDWIFE was concerned about that, a woman who will utilize every natural method she can, I think its pretty safe to say that I would believe a high risk doctor who has specialized in tricky pregnancies about his concerns.

I would also reiterate to them that they weren't sitting with me in the ultrasound room talking to Dr. Huang. He never sounded like he was going to force me into anything. In fact, he made it very clear that he was just preparing me for one of the worse case scenarios. For all we know, we could go to the 36 week ultrasound and have baby's belly remeasured and they could decide that I will be fine to go into labor naturally...not all doctors want babies born on their schedule... or, they could tell me that they want to schedule a C-section right away...of course, in that situation there would be lots of careful prayer, study and contemplation that would occur before I would allow them to schedule the procedure...but I would make sure that no matter what, the choice was mine...

Many of the Debbie Downers cited "Pregnant in America" and "The Business of Being Born" as resources I should use to educate myself about the "realities" of hospital birth...telling me how stupid I was for allowing the doctor to get me to jump to the conclusion of induction...mind you, they never tried to answer my real question about whether or not, in their experience with GD, my wish of skin to skin contact and breast feeding right away would be possible in the case of a vaginal delivery...they saw the words "early" and "induction" and I was automatically a stupid person who needed to be educated...

So, why do I stay a member of the forum? I stay a member because there have been times where I have gotten valuable advice from people, and there have been times where I have been able to help  someone who is genuinely confused and not getting the answers they are looking for...I stay because, while it seems like fewer and fewer women are choosing to be non-judgmental of other's choices, there are still a few out there that show genuine love and concern for their sisters in arms and are ready to help with encouragement, support and honest,tactful, knowledgeable answers.

So, I decided I needed to give "Pregnant in America" another whirl...  It was just as biased as I remembered, but it also spouted some ideals that made me sad for the people who were eating up every word...It almost seemed like the women, midwives,  and "experts" that they interviewed weren't just trying to sell the idea that western medicine is evil and bad and doctors shouldn't be trusted at all, and that nurses are always just there to help the bottom line of the hospital that has been turned into a big business (which is really what it seemed like to me.); it also seemed like many of them were saying that women who opted for inductions and epidurals were mindless sheep who were trying to take the "easy" and streamlined way out of pregnancy... that in having a trust for certain western medical procedures we were degrading ourselves and becoming less brave...

I get that with any medical procedure there are risks, and, as an example, Pregnant in America wasn't shy about the scrolling list of possible side effects of an epidural- no matter how remote they may be... but I also believe there are some benefits to western medicine and being open to it. Every coin has 2 sides, remember?

Many people said over and over again in the documentary that women have been giving birth for millions of years without the aid of western medicine and doctors, and that is just how it should be...Well, without western medicine, how many more stillbirths were there even 100 years ago? how many more women died in the valiant efforts to bring their baby into the world...? Western medical advances have been able to give women the miracle of being able to see and monitor the growth of their baby while at the same time being able to monitor their own health more closely. Conditions such as Gestational Diabetes and Pre-Eclampsia that took the lives of countless women and babies in times past are now detectable and treatable! How lucky are we? I'm sure if our pioneer women ancestors had been given the opportunity to see and monitor their baby closely during pregnancy, they would have eagerly taken it.

In my estimation, as fatality rates of women and babies have decreased thanks to western medicine, we should be grateful that it is there as an option- we don't necessarily have to take it (to each their own and all that) but its there and I believe that it is a blessing from God!

Of course, when it comes to western medicine, there are always going to be exceptions to the rule and horror stories, but, when it comes to homebirth and birthing center births, I'm sure my Labor and Delivery sister nurse could probably shock people with the rates and tales of homebirths gone wrong that she has seen after they've been rushed to the hospital she used to work at (she now works at a different hospital where they don't transport emergency birth situation). She could also tell you of lives that have been lost or narrowly saved after a birth gone wrong in a birthing center that was finally referred to a hospital for care and treatment- stories of women and babies that could have been saved if they hadn't had to wait for an ambulance to get them to the hospital or other transport... the reality is this: planned home birth has an infant mortality rate that is triple that of hospital birth according to THIS study...and there is even THIS website where women go to post stories of home births and birthing center births gone awry...

I've also had my spine crawl hearing stories about midwives in birthing centers or watching a home birth who refused to call for help because they don't like doctors and ended up losing a patient or their baby...In fact, there is a birthing center close to my home town (well, not super close, about 5 hours away in a much bigger city)  that was recently closed down when the state and the medical board received complaints from people dealing with huge medical bills because of complications that occurred to the mother or the baby when the midwife refused to call for help, or because of the death of the mother or child because, again, they refused help from doctors or waited too long and only asked for help when people attending the birth insisted or called 911 on their own...http://www.ksl.com/?sid=20218877&nid=201&title=idaho-case-shows-midwife-tension-with-hospitals&s_cid=queue-10


Its birth, your body goes through more pain than it should be able to endure to bring a baby into the world. Nothing is 100% foolproof, and things don't always go the way you want them to...accidents happen, dangers occur, but when you make your choices you accept the possible consequences of those choices, good or bad. My point in sharing these is NOT to downgrade or diminish the home birth or birthing center experience. I have friends that have done both and were thrilled...my point is that there are statistics that show the bad both ways, unfortunately, today it just seems like one side is getting louder than the other and more and more people are just listening to the louder side and judging those that aren't listening and agreeing with them.

I delivered with a midwife during my first birth experience, and she was WONDERFUL. I wanted to try to be all natural, I had that idea in my head too, the idea that women were built to give birth and I wanted to try to do it all natural without any drugs of any kind- I wouldn't have changed a thing. I even asked her if she did homebirths. I didn't think I would opt for one, but I was eager for her knowledge.. she said that, after her 20 something years of experience, she would NEVER encourage a home birth, she would only deliver at the hospital because there were just one too many things that could go wrong that she wouldn't be equipped to handle. That is why she had delivery rights at a hospital and worked with a doctor in case something went wrong.

Not all midwives feel that way, and that is great, because women that want a homebirth need options too. But I was grateful that she felt that way. I felt the desire to be at the hospital should anything go wrong.  I was so grateful for her and her attitude!  I was grateful to work with somoene who was on the same page as me and was more concerned about my well-being and my baby's than her one experience at one time with a doctor who didn't appreciate the assistance of a midwife...To her, western medicine wasn't evil, it was a tool she could use to foster a healthy and safe birth experience for me and my baby.  Like I said, I was close to a C-Section with my first baby, and if I'd been at home or in a birthing center, I hate to think how scary it would have been to wait for transport and pray that everything would be okay.

I think about would have happened if I would have been having my baby before the invention of Pitocin, a pioneer on the trail somewhere...I could have died, but more importantly, Faith almost certainly would have. I labored for 4 days before my amniotic fluid started leaking, and once it started leaking the contractions would not regulate themselves. Without antibiotics to keep me and my baby safe from infection and without the Pitocin to get my contractions to regulate, Faith would have almost certainly been stillborn by the time I delivered, either from an infection, or lack of oxygen because I would have been in labor for a long, LONG time...

Am I less of a woman because I allowed my midwife to order the Pitocin? Am I less brave because after 10-12 hours of saying no to the epidural I finally gave in because I needed relief?  The epidural saved me from a C-section! I know my experience isn't typical and my savior could be someone else's destroyer, but, in my case, because of the epidural, they could place an internal contraction monitor and discovered that my contractions were actually too hard to cause any change. They were able to change the dose to make my labor more effective and help move baby down into position...because of the epidural I was able to sleep for the first time in 4 days so that I could be prepared to push the next morning when the time came...

I still soldiered through my labor just like any other woman who does it natural all the way. I still felt pain, and in the end, I still became a mother. Kudos to those women who have cooperative bodies and fortitude to make it without, but I don't think I'm less of a woman or less brave for allowing western medicine to intervene to make my delivery safer for me and my baby.

Now, I know that the documentary I watched wasn't telling all lies- there are some doctors out there that will encourage early inductions and C-sections...but, if you know your patient's rights, you will know you can refuse a procedure and if they won't comply, you can always find another doctor...its as simple as that.  However, if there is a genuine concern, does it hurt to hear the doctor's opinion, do some research and possibly ask for a second opinion?

Also, let's be honest, the last few weeks of pregnancy SUCK- how many doctors have changed their policies because they have so many women come through the practice that BEG for inductions, to have their membranes stripped, and even people that insist on selective C-Section because they don't want to go through the pain of contractions...to be a doctor is to be in the business of customer service in a way. I can honestly say, from reading question after question from first time mothers in the pregnancy forum that I am a member of, that many women just don't understand how dangerous begging for ways to naturally induce at home at 35 or 36 weeks can be...mostly because they just hear the "no" when they ask their doctor to do it and don't listen to the reasons why.  Until they experience it, they don't understand...but isn't that the way everything is?

I guess my point of this rant is this: Its great to be educated and hear different opinions, but when did it become okay to lose courtesy and respect for the power of other people to make their own decisions? When did it become okay to belittle people and tell them they are stupid because they don't share your point of view?

When it comes to babies and childbirth, when did it become okay to think that you're superior because your body cooperated for you to do something when someone else's didn't?

Of course, I've shared my knowledge with first time moms who haven't got a clue that an induction at 35 or 36 weeks gestation isn't going to happen unless there is a medical necessity and why. But I never NEVER would belittle them for how they are feeling.  It sucks, they are sick, they are miserable and they just want it to be over...the last thing they need is someone calling them profane names, and being unkind.  They need support and to know that they aren't alone.

We need our sisterhood back.  We need to stop judging each other when it comes to the decisions we make when it comes to how we bring our baby into this world. We aren't into each others' bodies...my miserable at 38 weeks may be the miserable for someone else at 32 weeks... My truth may not be the same as someone else's.  When someone asks a question, instead of jumping to conclusions, we need to be willing to ask questions in return to understand a situation fully before giving a hasty answer.

Yes, there are times to be blunt. If you hear something that makes you concerned, then you should mention TACTFULLY what exactly concerns you about a situation.  We need to be willing to educate one another in a loving way...

More importantly, as mothers and mothers to be, we need to be willing to recognize that no matter how they finally end up in the world, being pregnant and having a baby are both hard work...Just because one person opts for a C-section or an induction doesn't mean they are taking the easy way out and birthing in a birthing center or at home does NOT mean someone is kooky.  We all have agency, we all have a right to make those choices for ourselves. We should be supportive of those choices when options have been weighed and someone has decided that one way is better for them than another and that they are prepared to deal with the consequences of that decision.

In short- loving and supporting each other is way more important than fighting to prove that you are right and someone else is wrong. Just remember, every decision has pros and cons. We don't always have to agree, but we should always be willing to hear the other side and agree to disagree.

Hugs and loves until next time darlings.